Breaking Down The Barricade
by BlackenedAngel
Summary: [Part II Uploaded] Even though he left her, Cara is intent on protecting her long lost friend, Ben Solo. Little does she know that the boy who hurt her now cowers behind the mask that plagues her dreams and every waking thought; a mask which may be the only thing protecting her from her own worst nightmare.
1. Chapter 1

"Do you remember why you're here?"

She looked up at him expectantly. Did she remember? Her mind felt as though it was splitting open, all her memories and secrets pouring out for the man in front of her to sift through. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, and she wanted to fight. He was daunting, hiding his face behind that mask; but there was something in his voice that sounded oddly familiar. A distant memory she could barely recall from a past she would rather forget. Physically, he was pushing her to the brink. Her entire body ached with the trauma of his torturous use of The Force. Mentally, she had already broken down. She had lost a battle she could never have hoped to win in the first place. He had broken down a block in her mind, and now all she could do was dredge up long forgotten stories from her past.

* * *

" _Ben? Ben! Where are you? You mother's been looking for you."_

" _If she was really looking for me, she would have found me already." Her friend answered, his nose scrunching a little in annoyance at the mention of his mother._

 _She sighed, sitting down next to him on the floor. Their nine-year old selves often hid down there, in the storage room – they both liked the idea of being surrounded by relics of a time that seemed so far away. Old weapons, gadgets and other assorted knickknacks teetered dangerously on the shelves around them. That is exactly how Ben liked to live – somewhat dangerously. As much as she hated to admit it, his penchant for trouble was one of the things that she liked about him so much. It made him fun to be around. Fun was hard to come by._

" _What did your mother do this time?" She asked, somewhat cautiously. Whenever he was having a row with General Organa, he tended to get a little worked up._

" _She doesn't want to tell me where my father is. You want to know why? Because she doesn't know where he is either. Off on another one of his adventures, she said. If he didn't tell her where he was going, that means he abandoned her. Not only her, but me as well! And when something happens to me, it happens to you, too – you hang around me so much it's almost like you're their adopted daughter." She could tell that he was trying to lighten the mood by ridiculing her, but it was not working. The one thing Ben could not stand was not knowing where his father was. It made him angry, angrier than she could ever imagine someone their age could possibly be. He had so much bitterness inside him. He tried to hide it whenever he was around her, but she knew better. She knew him better than he knew himself._

" _He'll be back soon. He always comes back." She tried to comfort him, already knowing that it was futile. As much as he may have valued her opinion, his hostility always clouded his judgement._

" _You know what though, Cara? One day, he probably won't."_

 _His statement made her heart ache for her friend. She scooted closer to him, and let her head rest on his shoulder. They sat that way whenever one of them was feeling sad. This night was no different._

* * *

"Stop! Please, stop. I don't want to think about any of that. You may not have noticed, but I suppressed it for a reason."

Her quip caught him off guard, and he was silent for a few moments as he pondered how to proceed. She had information that may be important to the fate of The First Order against The Resistance, but he hesitated in probing further for the necessary evidence. Instead, he was intrigued. Intrigued by this little girl and her friend whom she would rather dismiss from her past life. Intrigued by the woman in front of him, who seemed battered with exhaustion but still had the energy to throw a retort in his face. He ignored her pleas, relishing the desperate look in her eyes, and further explored the forgotten corners of her mind.

* * *

 _He gripped her hand tightly as they ran around the base; he was desperate to show her some hidden treasure he had found on one of his exploratory searches. His excitement passed through her. Cara could feel his raw energy, his passion for mystery plainly visible in his eyes. He grinned at her, a grin she had not seen in a long time, and she could feel the muscles at the corner of her mouth curling upwards in response to his enthusiasm. He was back. Her Ben was back. After weeks of having locked himself away from everyone and everything, he had found her way to her again. She knew he always would. That was their promise to each other._

" _Ben, slow down! Where are you taking me?" She panted, her stamina plainly not as impressive as his was._

" _I can't tell you, it'll ruin the surprise!" He laughed again, clearly enjoying teasing her mercilessly through her own curiosity._

" _Ben Solo, if you don't tell me where were going right now I won't follow you there." She stopped walking, hoping to beat him at his own game. He was suddenly pulled back when she ground to a halt, and he crashed straight into her, their noses touching. He was so close to her that she could feel the tremor in his body as another bout of laughter escaped him._

 _Surprisingly, he did not move, but stood his ground instead, sensing what she was playing at._

" _You only use my last name when you're angry with me." He whispered into her ear._

" _Perhaps I am angry with you." She whispered back, fighting to keep her composure._

" _Why would you be angry with me?"_

" _Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you refuse to tell me wherever it is you're dragging me off too."_

 _He scoffed, and pulled away from her ever so slightly. "Dragging you off too? I don't remember you ever hesitating at my trying to show you something before."_

" _Maybe this time it's different. Maybe I've realized I don't like surprises." She said, rather indignantly, trying to ward off his intimidating demeanor._

" _You don't fool me, Cara. You never have." He said, his tone serious again._

" _So you're saying that we've known each other for too long? That ten years is what it takes to get to know someone down to their very core? Maybe that's why we can't fool each other anymore. You can't believe that I don't like surprises, and I already know that you'll be upset if I don't react to your surprise the way you want me to."_

" _And in what way do I want you to act, exactly?" He asked, genuinely curious to know what it was she thought of him._

" _You want me to act amazed, baffled by this mysterious object that you will undoubtedly present me with. You want me to search for answers with you, search for truths that you can't seem to find anywhere else; and when I don't act dumbfounded as to the origin of whatever it is you're going to show me, you will inevitably become mad at me and lock yourself in your room for a few weeks once again."_

" _You like historical objects." He stated as a matter of fact._

" _I do. I just don't have a desperate need to search for the story behind them."_

 _His eyes searched her face for signs of dishonesty. He found none._

" _I believe you can never know someone well enough." He said._

" _I hope that's true."_

* * *

"He was my friend. I lost him a long time ago." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

"It is of no interest to me."

"Then why do you keep observing memories that contain him?"

His eyes regarded hers from behind the mask. Eyes so familiar to him, yet so much older than when he had last seen them.

"I am searching for information that you hold. Your mind is a catastrophe of memories and pain. Pain that eats you up from the inside. Perhaps that pain is the key to unlocking what I seek."

"I will give you nothing that will be of use to you." She said, defiance clear in her expression.

"Not immediately, no – but you will. Soon enough."


	2. Chapter 2

His eyes had found hers soon after his feet hit the dusty ground on Jakku. The village raid was routine; another search for sympathizers of The Resistance and any information they may hold. He had not foreseen her being there, however. He had not foreseen that he would once again be staring into the eyes that haunted him whenever he closed his own; eyes that were a ghostly shade of grey, the pupils striking against the light color that encircled them.

He had cornered her, savoring the panic that was etched upon her face but feeling guilty about it at the same time. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the fog that always seemed to accompany his thoughts whenever he was in her presence. A look of recognition crossed her face, mixed with confusion. She recognized the gesture, but could not place where she had seen it before. It did not matter. Before she could contemplate it further, he had used The Force to slip her into an unconscious state before carrying her back to the ship. If she was on that forsaken planet, there had to be a reason, and he would find it even if it killed him.

Now here she was, strapped to the uncomfortable metal contraption in his chosen torture chamber. The memories he had already seen of the two of them together when they were younger had caused a dull ache in an old scar situated on his upper back. He was desperate to know whether she remembered the day that scar was given to him. He once again forced his way into the depths of her mind, the tremor of pain that went through her body as he did so a stark reminder of who he was now.

* * *

" _Come on, Cara, you can do better than that! I've seen you fight before, try harder." Ben cried out, frustrated at his friend's lack of focus._

" _I don't want to hurt you." She said._

" _Hurt me? Cara, please, you won't hurt me. I just want to teach you how to fight."_

" _Why?"_

" _So that you can defend yourself."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because I want you to be safe."_

 _Apparently, that was the only answer she needed. There was a new found vigor to her movements; she swung her practice stick more steadily towards him and blocked his attacks without hesitation._

" _So you want me to be safe, do you?" She said, a smirk forming on her lips as she took another swing at him. He blocked it effortlessly._

" _Of course I do." He swung at her again, and this time it was her turn to block his attack. Unfortunately, he had already anticipated her move, and used her momentum to make it easier for him to kick her legs out from under her and subsequently pin her to the ground. She laughed as he landed on top her, and blew some of the hair out of her face so as to be able to see his expression better._

" _What if you end up being the reason I'm not safe one day?" The question pained him, but he knew why she asked it._

" _I'd never do anything to harm you."_

" _Physical harm isn't the only type of hurt you can cause someone."_

" _I'll never abandon you either." He said, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time._

" _You may have to someday. I heard your mother and father talking, they said The Force is getting stronger within you and –"_

" _It doesn't matter. I'll never abandon you."_

 _Her heart fluttered at his words. Eleven years of friendship should be enough to assure her his statements were true. She hoped they were._

" _I'll hold you to that."_

 _He smiled at her, and she could feel his body relaxing into hers as he shifted his weight above her. As much as she enjoyed being this close to him, their fight was not over. She used his momentary lack of attention to roll him over once, twice, three times until she was on top of him. Before she could rejoice in her victory however, he screamed out in agony as a shard of glass that had fallen on the ground embedded itself far into his back. She jumped up from him, a shiver going up her spine from the sudden lack of his body heat and helped him up, assisting him in getting to the medical officers located on the opposite end of the base._

* * *

"I don't believe you'll find the information you're looking for in there." She said, referencing the memory he had just watched play out in her mind.

"I will get it soon enough."

"I wish you luck."

"Everyone gives up their secrets, at some time. It is an inevitability that you will suffer from also."

She was silent for a while, catching her breath, trying to gather her thoughts. It irritated her that he was looking into memories so private, so personal to her. Memories that she had long since buried because they caused her more emotional suffering than she cared to admit. She tried to block him out once again, but her efforts resulted in more agony that she was not equipped to handle. She sucked in a breath, steadying herself. She needed the pain to stop.

"Why do you cower behind a mask?"

Her question garnered his attention. She did not know who he was, why should she care?

"What is it to you?"

"Do you need it, or is just a way for you to hide from the sordidness of your own deeds? I imagine it is the second option."

Her line of questioning frustrated him. He realized that she was merely doing it to get under his skin – a desperate hope that he would leave and she would be allowed to rest. He could not give in.

"Would it comfort you to know that there is some awful creature under this mask? That these horrid deeds you speak of were not committed by someone with a face you could learn to trust?"

She swallowed visibly. "Perhaps."

He leaned in closer to her. He could see her chest rising and falling rapidly as the proximity between them became less.

"Then I will not give you the satisfaction."

He turned away from her, and contemplated his next move.

"What will you do to me if you do not get the answers you seek?" She asked, trying but failing to sound defiant. She was exhausted.

"If it troubles you, I can promise I will not fail."

"That is not what troubles me."

"Then what does?"

"I worry about the things you will unearth if you keep searching."

"Then perhaps I will take my time with you. I have felt the block that has been put up in your mind. I can feel it crumbling now as I search your thoughts. It may be beneficial for me to give that process time. Perhaps it will make my search easier."

"No, please. If you're going to kill me, do it now. I can't take this anymore."

"I will not kill you."

"Why not?"

"I intend to find out whoever it is you are protecting."

She closed her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips as she finally began to give into unconsciousness.

"My friend. I'm protecting my friend."

It was the last thing she said before falling into a troublesome sleep.

* * *

A/N: I hope you readers like it so far! Reviews and feedback are always enormously appreciated. I will try to update as soon as I can, please bear with me!


	3. Chapter 3

Somehow she had ended up in a cell. She groaned as her eyes slowly adjusted to the bright lights in her enclosure, her entire body stiff and aching with the memory of what had befallen her yesterday. She checked her boots, expecting to see scuff marks on them from being dragged to her quarters after she had fallen asleep, but did not see any. She shrugged it off, figuring that her captors had used a different method of prisoner transportation for her. That's what she was now. A prisoner.

A small window was situated in her cell, offering her a mere glimpse at the expanse of galaxy on the other side of the glass. Her reaction to the view was no different than usual. As many times as she may have seen the stars and the galaxy in her lifetime, she would never come to terms with its vast size. How could there be so much anger and war to rule part of a universe when there was so much more to explore?

A few weeks after her parents had died, Han Solo had taken it upon himself to cheer her up. In his eyes, she had become his responsibility, and he had figured that seeing the galaxy that she was a part of may make her forget about her troubles. Oh, how wrong he had been.

She had begged Ben to come along with her, but even at six years old, he was as stubborn as could be imagined. Han was taking her for a trip in the Millennium Falcon, just far enough into the skies that she could see what it was like to be away from her home planet. Ben had adamantly refused to come along, yelling something or other about having more exploring to do within the base. Han and even his mother Leia had tried to convince him to come along, but stood no chance. At that point, Cara knew there was only one thing that would trick him into joining them. She had stolen one of his most prized possessions; an old blaster that had fallen from a retired X-Wing, and he had chased her all the way through the base in an attempt to retrieve it from her until finally they both ended up on board of his father's ship. The doors had closed before he had the chance to escape. He finally retrieved his blaster from her, and proceeded to ignore her for as long as he could. Unfortunately for him, that didn't last long.

When it came to Cara, Ben would have done anything to protect her. All they had was each other. She had lost her parents after they had been killed on an exploratory mission to a new system. Even though Ben still had both his parents, he always felt that they did not understand him. Even at such a young age, he could tell that they were frightened by his tendency to throw temper tantrums. He had heard them whispering about it behind his back. He may not have understood everything they said, but their worried tone was enough to set him off.

As soon as the Falcon reached the outer atmosphere of the planet they all called home, Cara started to panic. General Organa had tried to explain to her what had happened to her parents – their ship had crossed paths with an unknown asteroid field on their way back home. They never stood a chance. The knowledge that her parents had died in space was enough to terrify her from exploring the galaxy forever – Han Solo had obviously not thought his plan through.

His son, on the other hand, noticed her shallow breathing, the tears slowly streaming down her face and the panicked look in her eyes. His friend needed him; and as annoyed as he was at her for stealing his blaster, he could not let her sit in her own misery.

He sat down next to her, and wrapped his small hand around her even smaller hand. He waited for her terror to subside a little, and proceeded to explain to her how the stars were beacons that could always guide her home. He told her stories he had heard from his father about the wonderful and exciting adventures he had had in space; and he told her about how big the universe was and that someday they could explore it together. He had calmed her down, as he always did – and that was the first of her many ventures out into the galaxy.

Cara snapped out of her reminiscence as she heard the loud thumping of footsteps right outside her cell. Her heart started to beat wildly as she remembered she needed to find a way out of this. She had no idea what kind of ship she was on. She had no idea where in the galaxy they were currently situated. She had no idea if the masked man was coming to interrogate her again. A chill went up her spine as she recalled what it felt like when he had lent in closer to her face to whisper menacing things in her ear. It had been a strange sensation – every bone in her body froze when he came in close proximity with her, and yet she was oddly aware of the immense heat that had radiated from his body as he tortured her mind and physicality using the ways of the Force. She could tell when he was watching her too; she could sense that his eyes examined every expression on her face and the tremor of her limbs whenever he inflicted some new type of pain.

The footsteps subsided - the Stormtroopers must not have been sent to fetch her. Her breathing slowed down to a normal pace. She was not sure that she would be able to fight her captor again if he decided to take another run at her mind. His meddling within the blocks she had placed upon the memories of her childhood friend had come crumbling down. Walls and barricades that she had put up around her heart had been destroyed after he had intruded on her innermost thoughts. The idea of fighting the masked man again brought her mind once more to the edge of exhaustion. Without realizing Cara closed her eyes again, her captors menacing yet familiar voice ringing in her ears as she dreamt of more memories from her younger days.

* * *

"It's interesting to see that you can still sleep, considering your current predicament."

She heard his voice somewhere in the far distance, calling her back to reality from the depths of her dreams. As she opened her eyes, she saw a black figure looming over her, scrutinizing her every move. She quickly registered who he was, jumping up from her bench and sprinting to the other side of the room. She pressed herself into a corner, anything to get as far away from him as possible. She sighed inwardly as she noticed that the door was closed. Her futile sliver of hope faded away quickly.

"How long have you been watching me?" She asked, rather tentatively.

"Long enough to know that you were being tormented by whatever dream it was you were having." He responded.

"I'm supposed to believe that you weren't probing my mind to see what it was I was dreaming about?"

"There's no need. I can always find out from you later."

"Then why are you here?"

"I came to see how you were faring."

"Why do you care?"

"I won't be able to torture you for more information if you slip into unconsciousness every five minutes." He said it with a rather threatening tone to his voice, but she could hear a faint quiver of something more. This was not the first time that she had felt a sense of recognition when it came to the masked man in front of her. Had she come across him before? Were they connected somehow?

"In that case, I'm doing terribly."

She could see his shoulders shake, indicating that beneath that helmet, he may even be chuckling at her response. She did not think he would be capable of having a sense of humor.

It was silent between the pair for a moment, both of them sizing each other up to try and predict what will happen next.

"How did I get in here?"

"Why do you ask?" He was taken aback by her sudden question.

"I can't see any scuff marks on my boots so it's obvious I wasn't dragged here. I want to know who brought me here so that I can make sure I wasn't violated somehow." She spat at him, sarcasm dripping from her question.

"I carried you here." He stated, as though the answer should not surprise her.

"You – you carried me here? Why would you do something like that?"

"Carrying you seemed to be the simplest solution."

"Sure, you really seem like the type that would concern themselves with not exerting too much energy."

"Perhaps I'm saving my strength for something else."

"And what would that be?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

His words cut through her like a vice – of course they were planning something. Maybe her present imprisonment could make her useful. She could try and find out information about The First Order's next attack. Her inevitable death could lead to something valuable. It was a small solace, but helped her put her thoughts straight. She just hoped that her mysterious captor was not looking inside her mind just now.

After a few moments of silence, he took a step towards her. He remembered what it had felt like to have her body rest against his as he carried her to his cell. Something in the back of his mind was telling him to get closer to her once more. He could sense her tensing up as he approached her, but he paid it no mind. Right now she was his victim, his prisoner. He could do what he pleased when it came to her. She would not be able to fight back anyway. A smirk formed under his mask, taking pleasure in the tension he could plainly see upon her memorable features. His steps were slow but meaningful, and she pressed herself further into the corner – terrified of what he was planning to do but also weirdly curious as to his intentions with her.

She took a few deep breaths to steady herself. He continued to approach her and only stopped when he could see that she had to tilt her head up to look at him. She knew that there was no use in regarding his mask – she would not be able to tell what he was feeling anyway – but she could not bear to tear herself away. The mask was covering something, and she was suddenly desperate to find out what. If he had wanted to kill her, she felt he would have done so already.

Without even thinking about it, she could feel her fingers reaching up to touch his helmet. He did not seem to realize at first, but as soon as her fingertips reached the cold metal of the mask he was snapped out of his stupor. He took a step back, and grabbed her wrist with enough force to leave a mark. Cara winced at the pain, but stood her ground. She did not want him to realize that he was hurting her. Her curiosity was not quelled either.

"What is it you hide behind the mask?" She asked, repeating her question from yesterday.

"You've asked me that already."

"You never gave me a proper answer."

"Have you ever considered I do not find you worthy of knowing the answer?" She could hear the disapproval in his voice, clearly he thought she was pathetic for even asking.

His hand still held her wrist, but his grip had loosened slightly, and this had not gone unnoticed by Cara. She continued to stare at him, stare at his mask, daring him to make the next move. She wanted him to know that she would stand up to him as long as she was here. She would get the answers she sought from him, and she would never give up the answers he sought from her.

"Excuse me sir, General Hux would like to speak with you." A tentative voice said from the doorway.

His hand gripped her wrist tighter once more. He hesitated for a moment before acknowledging the underling standing fearfully on the other side of the small room.

"No matter, I have what I needed." He pushed her away from him rather forcefully, his cloak billowing behind him as he purposefully strode out the room, the other man quickly following him.

His last statement worried her. What was it that he had needed from her today that he had received? Had he entered her mind without even realizing it? Was the effect he had on her that strong?

* * *

A/N: Quite a few followers in such a short amount of time, thank you! Reviews and feedback are much appreciated, and I will keep updating as soon as I can


	4. Chapter 4

Cara was sick of waiting. Sick of waiting to be threatened again, sick of waiting to be tortured again. She was sick of passing the time in constant fear – every footstep she heard outside of her cell made her pulse quicken and every TIE fighter she saw flying outside her little window made her heart ache.

The food she was given was sparse, the sleep she got was troubled. She was getting weaker with every passing hour she spent trapped inside her room. It did not matter though, she would not let it affect her. If she wanted to be useful, she needed to do something about it sooner rather than later.

She devised her plan before the next tray of food was brought up to her room. She knew how to fight, she knew how to defend herself. Ben had taught her everything she needed to know when they were younger. Granted, she had not had to use her skills in a long time; but she accepted that she would have to let her muscle memory take over if her plan was going to succeed.

Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door. She hid in the corner next to it, waiting for the bored Stormtrooper to open it himself and enter the room. As soon as the door creaked open, she struck. She slammed the door against the Stormtroopers helmet, once, twice, three times for good measure. He seemed to be knocked out, but she could never be sure: instead, she dragged him inside her room, all the while making sure that her foot held the door open. As soon as she had reached her limit as to how far she could push him without letting the door slam closed again, she jumped outside quickly, locking the Stormtrooper inside.

The hallway was deserted, luck was on her side. She decided to explore this level of the ship first – if she did not find anything of interest, she would figure out where to go next later. She was still amazed she had even gotten this far.

She stayed close to the walls, trying to make sure that no oncoming troops would spot her as she crept down the hallway. Doors ran the length of the walls on either side – fortunately, she was able to glance inside most of them through the small windows embedded into them. Most rooms just seemed to be control rooms of some sort, there was nothing she would be able to find there. As the time passed, she became more comfortable with her current situation. It was so quiet, so easy – she almost forgot that she was not even supposed to be there.

She walked the hallway a while longer, getting lost in her own thoughts as she wandered. It continued to be eerily quiet as she wondered if she would run into her mysterious captor. She did not even know his name yet – and still she felt as though she had known him for longer than the two slow weeks she had been trapped on this hazardous ship.

There was something about his voice. Even through the distorter, there was something in it she recognized. The rhythm of his words, the lilt with which he spoke. She could almost hear his voice in her head right now, sending a wave of goose bumps over her entire body. She thought back to the way his fingers had tightened around her wrist when she touched his mask – almost as though he was afraid of what she would find had she succeeded in taking it off.

Lost in her thoughts, she was about to give up when she heard two voices coming down the corridor. She did not recognize either of them. Frantically, Cara looked for a place to hide, and to her utter relief, she found one. Folding herself uncomfortably into a small alcove fitted into the wall, she held her breath as she waited for the two to pass. As they came closer, she was able to catch some of their conversation – a conversation which made her blood run cold.

"I heard he threw another fit. Bust up the entire control room next to the weapons storage room, you know." A young male voice said, trying to sound important.

"Hardly surprising. He may be strong with the Force but he still acts as though he is a child." The second voice seemed to be a woman's, but was still distorted by a helmet. Just like that of Cara's captor.

"The General seems to think it has something to do with that girl he brought in as his prisoner. Sets something off in him, I suppose."

It took Cara a few minutes before she realized that they were talking about her. She sucked in a breath, listening intently for any more information on the man that had taken her captive. Suddenly, Cara could hear a third set of footsteps coming down the hallway, and she pushed herself even further down the alcove, fear threatening to overtake her.

"Captain Phasma, General Hux requires your attendance in the main control room." This was obviously the voice of another Stormtrooper – their voice distorters were a lot easier to recognize.

"Did he say what the matter is about?" The female voice, Captain Phasma, inquired.

"No, just that he wants you there as soon as possible. Urgent, he said."

"Very well, inform him that I will be there shortly."

Footsteps sounded again as the messenger ran off in the other direction. Cara sat quietly, willing the two people so close to spotting her to give her more information. Anything that could give her a clue as to whom she might be dealing with.

"Ready the troops for weapons inspection. We need to be prepared for the next ordered raid." The female voice commanded.

"Captain."

Both footsteps walked in opposite directions, and it was not until the hallway was completely quiet again that Cara let out the breath she had been holding. After waiting a few more minutes, Cara untangled herself from her hiding position. Her limbs were stiff from crouching down, and she took a minute to stretch before she realized the mistake she had made.

"Hold it right there." The familiar voice of a Stormtrooper ordered, standing a mere few feet away from her.

She turned to him, ready to fight – until she realized she did not have any weapons on her. Where she might have had the door to aid her when she escaped, she certainly did not have that type of luck now. The Stormtrooper held a blaster gun, and pointed it readily at her. She could not move, terror suddenly overwhelming her. She realized it would be foolish to run anyway. She had no idea where she was going and could not be certain of another place to hide.

"How did you escape from your cell?" The Stormtrooper asked, seemingly interested. It did not go unnoticed by Cara that he had not fired his blaster at her yet, nor had he come closer in a threatening manner.

"Dumb luck, I guess." She tried to be as nonchalant as possible. She did not want to make any sudden moves that would change his surprisingly calm demeanour.

"I – I need to take you back to your cell."

"Go ahead, it's not as though I have anywhere else to run."

She had given him permission, and yet the Stormtrooper stood in his place, barley moving a muscle. The blaster was still pointed at her, however; and as much as she wanted to believe this particular foot soldier was not capable of harming her, she could not take the chance that he would still fire at her with his weapon.

The pair stood like that for a while, observing each other. It was odd, Cara realized, as the fear slowly started to ebb away from her. He still had not made a single move. _Perhaps I can still run, and he would let me leave;_ she thought to herself.

It was right at this moment that she heard the heavy stomp of boots coming down the hallway. Her eyes once again widened with dread, and before she could make the conscious decision to run, she was once again standing face to face with the masked man that haunted her in her sleep.

"FN-2187, thank you for rounding up the prisoner. I can take it from here." He stepped closer to her, and she backed herself into the wall, desperately trying to decide whether or not to attempt to flee. He made up her mind for her though, as he used the Force to push her up against the wall and relinquish all self-control over her body.

"Did you truly think you had any chance of escaping on your own?"

She ignored his question as she tried to steel her nerves in preparation for whatever onslaught it was he had in mind for her.

"Or did you have some ulterior motive for sneaking around our hallways?"

She could still see the lone Stormtrooper out of the corner of her eye – and yet once again, he did nothing. He did not follow his commanding officers orders. Instead, he seemed to be watching the scene unfold, waiting for something, anything that would give him a reason not to leave.

As helpless as she felt, she noticed something that had puzzled her ever since she had been captured. As strong as his affinity for the Force may be, as much as he seemed to want to hurt her, he never once used it to choke the life out of her. Not when he first encountered her, not when he was interrogating her, or torturing her. Not even now, when she was clearly in violation of whatever it was she was doing on this forsaken ship. He had hurt her, sure, but he had never made an attempt to truly squeeze the life from her. Not the way she had seen him do with some of the other villagers back on Jakku.

"Am I now supposed to wait for you to hurt me or do you enjoy seeing me cower in fear in front of you?" She challenged him, trying to antagonize him to see what his next step would be.

"FN-2187, did I not tell you to leave?" Slowly, menacingly, her captor turned his head toward the Stormtrooper. As if snapping out of a daydream, the trooper shook his head and immediately started running back in the direction he came from.

"Now that we're finally alone…"

Cara swallowed, her throat suddenly becoming dry as his words grated on her every nerve.

"Will you tell me what you were trying to accomplish by escaping your prison cell?"

"I don't think that's any of your concern."

As he processed her words, he moved a step closer to her, ever holding his hand outstretched towards her as he continued to use the Force to subdue his prisoner. Under his mask, a smirk once more graced his face; a feat that only she seemed to be able to accomplish.

"Perhaps you'd like me to probe your mind again – revisit some old memories of your little friend."

She could feel her skin burn as he spoke, her defiance once again setting in out of a purely protective place in her heart.

"You would not dare touch any more of his memories."

He finally let her go from his grasp, and she slumped to the floor, struggling to catch her breath. Her lungs felt as though they were on fire and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end; and yet, she could not seem to look away from her captor, following his every move as he crouched down in front of her.

"Curious though, is it not? That you would feel so protective over someone whose memories you tried so hard to block from your own mind's eye?"

It did not go unnoticed by Cara that for the first time since she had been captured, they were at eye level. She could sense where his eyes were regarding hers; calculating her every move, her every breath. She stared him straight in the eye – seemingly straight through his mask, and mustered every ounce of courage to express her next few words.

"That is what you do for someone you used to love."

* * *

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been reading so far, I really appreciate it! Reviews are always welcome (even though something seems to be going wrong with publishing them?) But I would love to hear your comments or any ideas you may have. New chapter soon!


	5. Chapter 5

"An interesting choice of words – 'someone you used to love'. Are you certain that is what you feel?"

His question shocked her, his proximity frightened her. He was still at eye-level with her, and the faint sound of his breathing through his distorter did not help to ease her discomfort. She could spot the hilt of his lightsaber resting lightly on his hip and briefly thought she may be able to grab it somehow, but the light shaking of his head indicated that he had seen where she was looking and there was no point in even trying.

"That is what happens when someone you were close to leaves without so much as a goodbye. Perhaps if he had given me that courtesy then I might feel different."

She expected him to respond with some sort of callous remark, but instead, he remained silent. He was considering her – and after a few long seconds she could feel the familiar presence of his mind within her thoughts.

"Why do you keep probing my mind? I can't imagine there is something there you haven't already thoroughly searched."

"Have you ever considered I've been looking for something new?"

"If you think I have any valuable information to spare about the Resistance you are sorely mistaken."

"Then that is not what I'm looking for anymore."

"Care to enlighten me as to what it is you _are_ looking for?"

"Not as of yet, no."

Somewhere underneath his words she sensed a small change of tone in his voice. Cara could feel a certain pull towards him again – a desperate need to learn something, anything, about the man in front of her. Something that would explain the change of tone in his voice, the reason he never truly hurt her, the purpose of the mask he hid his face behind.

Just as she was about to ask him another question, he stood up and looked down at her, waiting. After a moment, she realized he was waiting for her to stand up. She complied, albeit reluctantly, and followed him down the hallway back to her cell. She struggled to keep up, his long legs making it hard to match his stride. For some reason, it reminded her of all the times she had had to run to keep up with Ben as they both pretended to be Jedi when they were kids. Cara had already known then that she would never become a Jedi – she had absolutely no affinity with the Force and had already decided that she would one day train to become a medical officer. Ben, on the other hand, was strong with the Force; so strong, in fact, that his parents often talked about sending him off to his uncle Luke to train. They were worried that he would lose control. Their fears were not unfounded.

Suddenly, the masked man in front of her stopped walking, and before she had the chance to respond she slammed straight into his back. Quickly, she took a step backwards, worried that she may have angered him somehow. He turned around slowly, and she braced herself for whatever pain he planned on inflicting her with. Instead of physically hurting her, however, she could feel him once again entering her mind, pulling further at the memory that had just been resurfacing.

* * *

" _Your mother told me you threw another fit. Did you really destroy your parents' living room?"_

" _They didn't listen to me! I told them that I didn't want to go to train with Uncle Luke yet, and they told me I had no say in the matter."_

" _Would it really be so bad if you went there? Imagine all the things you'll learn! When you learn control, you could be so strong. Why is that so bad?"_

" _Because I don't want to leave everything I've ever known!"_

" _You're not overly fond of everything you've ever known." Cara reminded him, looking at her friend pointedly._

" _Not everything, no. Some things though."_

 _She smiled at him, a warm feeling spreading across her skin as she looked at her oldest and frankly only, friend._

" _Ben, listen to me. I know you. I know you're defiant, and stubborn, and you hate people telling you what to do. Guess what? I do too. That doesn't mean that everyone in the world is out to get you. Not everyone is trying to stop you from becoming whoever it is you want to be."_

" _You aren't. They are."_

 _Cara sighed, sitting on her friend's bed while contemplating what to say next._

" _Do you remember when we were eight years old and we would pretend that we were Jedi? You used to tell me then that all you wanted was to become as powerful as your uncle."_

" _Maybe I didn't know any better then." He said, his voice getting smaller as he listened to his friend speak._

" _Some things don't change, Ben. Not even after nine years. I know who you are. I know that you can do this."_

 _He did not respond; instead, he moved to sit next to her on his bed. They had spent many afternoons like this together. She would read some kind of medical text book, he would read about the histories of glorious battles from another time. They'd play games together, and talk for hours. Those were the memories he would always take with him, no matter what would happen to him in the future._

" _You really think we can do this?"_

" _We? I'm not the one who is going to train to be a Jedi."_

" _I still mean 'we'. How can we remain friends if I go off to another planet to train?"_

" _Oh, please! Ben, we've been friends for eleven years, I think we can deal with this."_

" _Eleven_ _years. That's a long time."_

" _Yes, it is. Well done for noticing."_

 _He playfully slapped her arm, and she chuckled at him. She knew she would miss him, but she also knew he had to go. She would never tell him this, but whenever she heard about another one of his temper tantrums, it would frighten her. That was not the Ben she knew. It was the Ben everyone else seemed to know._

" _You know what? One day, I'm going to be even more powerful than my uncle."_

 _She smiled at him, and put her arm around his shoulders._

" _I know you are."_

* * *

Cara gasped as he quickly pulled out of her thoughts, and she struggled to catch her breath as she slumped once more down to the floor. Before she fell, however, she noticed he stumbled backwards a bit as well just before he could right himself.

"Get up." He ordered, his sudden change in demeanor frightening her.

She tried but failed. Her legs gave out. When he finally noticed that she would not be able to get up on her own, he forcefully grabbed her upper arm, making her shout out in pain. He ignored her, and dragged her further down the rest of the hallway until he pushed open the door with the Force and shoved her inside. He followed her in, and she winced as the door slammed shut behind him. Once again, she was trapped in a small space with her captor with nowhere to run. She did not know what to feel anymore.

Surprisingly, she could tell that he was trying to catch his breath as well. She could hear the heavy sound of his breathing through his mask, and his shoulders heaved up and down as he regarded her. She also noticed that his hand was on the hilt of his lightsaber. Cara had no idea what he would do next.

She heaved herself up on the small bench in the corner, using the last of her strength to sit down. She looked up at him, willing him to say anything to diffuse the tension.

"You puzzle me." He finally said, after a few minutes of total silence.

His statement confused her. "How so?"

"You say this boy – this man, left you without so much as a goodbye. You say you do not love him anymore. Yet you desperately try to stop me from picking at his memories. Why does that bother you so much? Why do you care about someone who abandoned you?"

His words struck a chord with her. She remembered Ben's promise to her – how he had promised to never abandon her. She knew her captor was right, and even with that realization she could not help the familiar pang of sadness she felt whenever she thought of her old friend. She was silent for a few moments as she contemplated her answer.

"Sometimes I hope he didn't have a choice."

He fell silent again. The tension was still palpable in the room and she did not know whether or not to look at him. Suddenly, without being able to stop herself, she said something she probably should not have.

"You puzzle me as well, you know."

His head quickly snapped in her direction. "Do I now?"

"You keep me prisoner here, you've tortured me, and yet you've never actually done any real damage to me, physically. Mentally, you search through my memories, sifting through past events that have absolutely no meaning to you whatsoever. So why do you keep me here? What is my purpose?"

"That is for myself to kn-"

"You haven't even told me your name." She interrupted him, hoping to startle him into telling her.

"Why would you care about my name?"

"It seems only fair. You know so much about me already. I would like to know who it is I'm dealing with."

He studied her once again. She felt scrutinized and vulnerable, and she got up from her seat on the bench and walked over towards him, a new found confidence in her steps.

"What does it matter if I know your name? Does it hide who you really are? Does your name have some significant meaning? Are you worried I will recognize it?"

He did not respond. He stood as still as a statue, watching him come towards her. He looked straight into her eyes – although she would never be able to tell – and he could feel his own resolve slipping away as he gazed into the light grey eyes he knew as well as his own.

"If you're going to keep me here, I would like to know your name." She repeated herself, only stopping once she was right in front of him. She noticed he gripped the hilt of his lightsaber even tighter, his fingers curling around the metal as she boldly took another small step towards him.

"Kylo – my name is Kylo Ren!" He practically shouted it at her, as though he was trying to convince himself of his name more so than her. She was surprised as he suddenly stalked away from her, slamming the door behind him. It was silent in the room for a minute, right up until she heard the familiar sounds of destruction that can only be wreaked by a lightsaber right outside her door.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all the people following, adding to their favorites and reviewing! Is anyone else having issues with their reviews not showing up? I do get the email notifications and they're all lovely, but then I look on the website or on the app and none of the new ones show up. I hope they fix it soon! New chapter will probably be up tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

A while had passed as Cara restlessly paced her room, replaying her prior conversation with her captor – Kylo Ren – in her head. Time had never seemed to move at a slower pace as she had listened to the destruction he caused right outside her door. Electricity had crackled, glass had shattered, and she had heard him yell at a few Stormtroopers that had come to see what all the commotion was all about. After his episode, her room seemed eerily quiet. She made the decision to look through the small window in the door and what she saw frightened her. The devastation she saw in front of her reminded her of who she was dealing with – a man with anger issues who could crack at any moment. She needed to remind herself that it did not matter how he may have acted towards her up until now; she would never be able to predict what he would do next.

She spent hours alone, mulling over everything she knew about the man who had taken her prisoner. Kylo Ren, who had sounded so unsure of his name when he shouted it at her – Kylo Ren, who had traits that she knew were familiar to her and yet she could not place where she recognized them from. There was something about the way his voice changed whenever he asked her a personal question. It had something to do with the way he sometimes shook his head whenever he threatened her, as if he was trying to clear his thoughts so that he could make his next move. It even had something to do with the way he walked; something about his gait and his pacing. It all added up to something, to someone. She just did not know who.

Cara was angry with herself. She knew that he was trouble. She knew that Kylo Ren would ultimately be her downfall. She knew that she had to get off this ship, but she could not help herself. Instead of trying to devise a way out of this hell hole, she found herself increasingly curious as to who the man who had captured her was. All she knew was his name, and that he had a temper. There had to be a reason behind that temper though, a history. Cara was determined to find out.

Without even meaning to, her minded drifted towards another memory. It was the memory that had caused her to put up the barricade in her mind – it was the reason she had fled to Jakku and the reason she had tried to keep herself from thinking about her old friend, Ben. It was the memory of the day she found out that she had lost her friend forever.

* * *

 _She had locked herself up in the same storage room that she and Ben used to hide in. It reminded her of him, and comforted her. She was mad at him for leaving her, leaving her without saying goodbye – but she had tried to remain angry with him and had failed. No matter his faults, no matter how much he may have yelled at her the months before he suddenly left, she still missed her friend. She could almost feel his presence in the tiny closet, surrounded by all the relics they used to love._

 _One of the officers on base had told her that General Organa had been looking for her. Cara had been feeling particularly out of sorts that day, and had no desire to talk to the only woman who may have missed Ben more than Cara did. They had taken great comfort in each other over the past months, after he had left to train with Luke. Even though she knew it was spiteful, she actually resented Leia for having the goodbye with Ben that she herself had never been given the privilege to have._

 _It took a while, but Cara finally heard footsteps coming down the hallway, and she knew that Ben's mother had found her. She braced herself for whatever it was she would be reprimanded for: not following orders, hiding out when she was meant to be in training. She just couldn't help herself, though. She needed to be away from everyone for a while._

 _Suddenly, the door to the storage room was thrown open. General Organa may not have been the tallest woman, but she was strong, and exuded confidence and power even in the toughest of times. This is why Cara was shocked when she saw that Leia's usual self-assured posture had been replaced with hunched shoulders and her head hung low. Something was terribly wrong, and she jumped up from her usual hiding spot to confront the woman in front of her._

" _What's wrong? What's happened? Are we being attacked?"_

" _No, dear, nothing of the sort."_

" _Then why have you come to find me here?"_

" _It's – It's Ben. I came down here as soon as I heard. I needed to tell you."_

 _Han Solo had once again been absent from the base for weeks. His adventures had been happening more frequently since his son had left for training. Leia once told Cara that she thought he may have felt guilty about pushing his son away and forcing him into training. Without Han to turn to, Cara was the first to hear the news._

" _What happened? You have to tell me. I need to know."_

" _I know you do. I know. It's just –"_

" _Leia, please. Just tell me."_

" _Ben, he's… he's disappeared. Luke cannot seem to find him anywhere."_

" _What does this mean? Do you think he's coming back home?"_

" _If that were true, he probably would have been here already."_

" _Why did he disappear? Something must have happened, he never would have left on his own!"_

" _Cara, are you sure? If he ever told you anything about any intentions he had, you have to tell me. It will help me find him."_

" _No, I swear. He didn't tell me anything. He – he never even said goodbye."_

 _General Organa looked at the young girl with deep felt sympathy. It made her feel sick. She did not need his mother's sympathy; she did not want it._

" _I believe you, Cara. I do."_

" _Why do you ask then? Is there something more that you know?"_

 _They regarded each other for a moment – the older of the two women looked as though she was about to say something, but stopped herself just in time. It made Cara angry. She needed to know what was going on._

" _If there is something you know that you aren't telling me - I can't take that anymore, Leia. I can't stand the concerned looks you give me whenever we end up talking about him. He was my friend, my family, too. I need to know."_

 _Again, Leia looked as if she was about to say something, but thought the better of it._

" _It's nothing, dear. I'll let you know if I hear anything else."_

 _Before Cara could say another word, Leia turned on her heel and sped down the hallway. She could feel that the woman was hiding something from her. She could feel it in her very core. She also knew, however, that if General Organa would not tell her anything, neither would anyone else on the base. She had never felt as alone as she sunk back down the floor in the corner of her favorite little storage room._

* * *

Soon after that fateful conversation with Leia, Cara had decided to flee her home planet and start somewhere new. She had little hope of seeing Ben again; and if he did want to see her, she knew he would be able to find her. She had left for Jakku a few days after that and had stopped thinking about the whole situation since she had asked someone to put the barricades in her mind that would protect her from her painful memories.

* * *

Another few days passed, and she had seen no sign of Kylo Ren. He had not come to visit her room again, and she had been too frightened to once again get caught if she tried to explore the ship some more. All she had done was stare out the window, imagining what it would be like to escape from her prison and fly straight toward another galaxy.

She had finally decided to eat some of the drab food that they brought her. It reinvigorated her slightly; together with the long nights and days she found herself sleeping through she felt much more energized than she had the day she had finally learnt his name.

It swam around her mind day in, day out. It had not been enough to quench her curiosity about the masked man. Since he had not been around in days, it was all the more surprising when she woke up one afternoon to find him sitting on a stool across the room from where she slept.

"Why do you keep watching me sleep?" She yawned, weirdly feeling less intimidated by him considering the vulnerable position she had just been in.

"I find it easier to probe your mind when you are sleeping." He seemed to have regained his composure since the last time they had spoken.

"Find anything interesting?"

"My name seems to enter your thoughts often."

"Does that bother you?"

"That depends within which context you think of my name."

"I find it curious that you couldn't find that out for yourself."

They were silent for a minute longer.

"So you've told me your name." She stated.

"An astute observation."

She glared at him, annoyed that he would make such a sarcastic remark; the sarcasm, however, once again left her with a feeling of familiarity.

"Is there anything else you wish to share?"

"What else would you like to know?"

"Anything!" She got up, and started pacing the room. "You still haven't told me why I'm here. Why did you single me out during the village raid on Jakku? What purpose could I possibly serve you?"

"You already know that I will not answer those questions. What is the point in repeating them?"

"Desperation, I guess."

"Desperation does not suit anyone."

"How else could I possibly be feeling in this situation?"

"Defiant, angry, impulsive. I think you are all of those things. Desperate is not a word I would use to describe you."

"Because you know me so well." She scoffed, turning around, facing away from him.

"Perhaps." He moved to stand in front of her, a gesture that only seemed to rile her even more.

"All those memories you've seen, all that past pain you've seen me suffer through. That's not who I am anymore. That does not define me."

"Does it not? I've been having a hard time reaching any other types of memories since I first brought you here."

"Brought me here is a polite way of putting it."

"What would you have me call it?"

"Captured, imprisoned, kidnapped! Any of those words. What you've done to me is horrid beyond belief. I am dealing with it in my own way. Maybe the pain makes it easier. Maybe it makes it easier to deal with whatever awful kind of creature you are."

"What if I were to tell you your capacity for anger, resentment and pain is the reason that I brought you here? What if I were to tell you that I could see potential in you?"

"Potential? I don't want any kind of potential that you could associate me with."

"Then I shall keep you here as long as it takes for you to realize what you may truly be capable of."

"There is no incentive in this universe that you could give me that would make me want to realize whatever potential it is you think you see in me."

"None?"

"None."

She gasped a little as she could suddenly feel that he was using the weight of his body to push her up against the wall. Not the Force, nor any weapons, just the momentum of his own form against hers. For once, she was stunned into silence. He had never been this close to her before.

"Do you truly want to know why I brought you here?"

"Yes." She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He moved his head closer to her ear, and she could feel her heartbeat quicken in fear and anticipation.

"I promised I would never abandon you."

* * *

A/N: I once again want to thank everyone who's been reading and adding this story to their follow and favorites lists. Your reviews have been lovely, and I'll start replying to them as soon as the website moderators actually fix the problems I know many of us have been having with being able to view new reviews on the site!


	7. Chapter 7

" _I promised I would never abandon you."_

The implication of his last few words only fully sunk in as Cara released a breath she had not realized she had been holding. They were words that had always comforted her, words that had always made her feel safe. Now, though, the words were tainted with something sinister; attached to a new memory that would send shivers down her spine for as long as she would remember it. She wanted him to pull away from her just as much as she wanted him to hold her. She had never felt so conflicted in her entire life.

"This cannot be real. You heard that line in one of my memories and now you're using it against me."

He moved his head to once again look into her eyes. There was a mixture of fear, confusion and the smallest sliver of hope in them – her light grey eyes had always been able to tell him exactly what she was feeling.

"Am I?" He asked, his voice much softer than it had been during any of their previous exchanges.

"Yes – yes, of course you are! This is just another one of your games; a disturbing manner in which to get me to reveal more of myself to you."

"I am not in need of any games to get you to show me a new side of yourself." He stated, and in her heart she knew it was true – but it did not matter. She was shaken to the core. She never thought she would hear that old promise again, and now here he was, her torturer, her captor, promising her the same thing. It could not be a coincidence.

"Why did you choose those words?"

"I know that they mean more to you than any other promise in your life ever did. Your memories have not lied to me thus far."

He was still holding her against the wall, and she could feel the heat radiating off of his body as she felt her defiance slipping away from her. This was worse than any physical torture he could put her through. Every last bit of the barricade in her mind came crashing down. There was nothing to hold her back anymore.

She was tired, she was emotionally drained; at this point, all she wanted was to rest her forehead against his mask as she struggled to catch her breath. She restrained herself, though. She could not let him see how much his words had affected her. Mustering up the last bit of her strength, she finally pushed him off of her. She had expected some resistance from him, but received none. She quickly crossed to the other side of the room, trying to put as much distance between them as was possible in her small cell.

"I want – I need you to leave." She said, sounding as confident as she could considering her current emotional state.

"Do you, really?" He said, taking a step towards her.

"I…yes. Yes, I do. I need you to leave, right now."

"What makes you think I will listen to you?"

"What more could I possibly give you? What kind of reaction is it that you're looking for?" Desperation threatened to cloud over the last of her confidence. She was not sure what to do anymore.

"I want you to face the truth of your situation." He said, once more taking a step closer to her.

"The only truth I see here is that I have been manipulated into a situation with forces I can't control. That I have a mad man standing in front of me, who takes pleasure in emotionally mistreating someone that has done them no wrong. You can give me all the physical pain you want in the world, and I promise you that I will endure it – but you cannot use my own experiences against me and expect me to give in to whatever it is you desire from me."

"I seem to remember telling you that desperation is not in your nature. It would seem I was correct."

"You know nothing about me." She said, trying but failing to contradict him.

"I know you don't believe that."

He was right. Everything was falling into place. He knew exactly which buttons to push with her. He knew her limits, he knew her memories. It explained why she felt such a sense of familiarity whenever she was around him. His gestures, his ticks. She knew what it was all adding up to. She just did not want to believe it.

"Push through your barriers. Admit that the conclusion you've come to is the correct one." He turned to leave, walking towards the door with steps that showed how self-assured he really was. He was about to reach the door when Cara stopped him.

"No." She said, her hands curling into fists by her side,

"No?" He asked, a sadistic tone overtaking his voice. He stopped walking, but kept his back turned towards her. He craned his neck, slowly moving his head towards the sound of her voice.

"No. You won't leave. Not until you take off your mask."

Her heart started pounding as he slowly turned on his feet in her direction. She thought he would walk towards her, but instead, he remained in his place, feet seemingly rooted to the ground.

"Are you convinced that this is the road you want to take? Denial will not be possible anymore."

"Yes, Yes – I need to know. I need to see your face."

She sucked in a breath, impatiently waiting for him to take off his mask. Time seemed to come to a standstill, as he slowly moved his hands to the sides of his helmet. Something clicked, and something hissed, before he slowly lifted the mask off his head and placed it on the table stood next to him.

Cara did not control her own reflexes anymore. She walked towards him, staring at his face as she went. Somewhere, her subconscious did not want to believe he was standing in front of her. She could not believe that the man who was now standing in front of her was in fact the boy who had left her so long ago. His face was the same, only older. The light in his eyes had left, instead replaced with a shadow she could not fathom was actually there. His soft yet rigid features were still the same, yet more mature. His unique nose that had bothered him for so long when he was younger, looked the same, and his dark hair was now longer and messed up from its time spent under his helmet. It was him just as much as it was not.

She did not ask him why he left her. She did not ask him why he never said goodbye. She did not ask him if he had ever thought of her in the time they had spent apart. Instead, she asked him the only question that really mattered.

"What happened to you?"

She wanted to touch his face, to see if his skin was just as soft as she remembered. She wanted to know how he would react if she did so, if she could wipe the shadow from his eyes and replace it with the light that was once there. She controlled her actions though, worried that he would try to walk away from her once more.

"Nothing happened. I became who I always wanted to be."

"No this is not – your name is not Kylo Ren. This is not who you always wanted to become."

"You were the one who encouraged Ben Solo to train. You encouraged him to become stronger, more disciplined. You said he would one day be able to surpass Luke Skywalker in power. He did. This is who he became."

"I never said that you should become a mere shadow of your former self! I never said that you should abandon the people who cared about you!"

"And who would those people be? My parents? Who shipped me off to train when they knew I didn't want to? Is that who I should have worried about?"

"No – Yes! Your parents! They loved you, Ben. How could you do this to them?"

"My name is not Ben."

"You will always be Ben to me." She said, lowering the volume of her voice once more.

"Ben does not exist anymore. Kylo Ren took his place."

"I refuse to believe that."

"Then you are simply in denial." He countered, his voice rising with anger.

"I thought you said denial would not be possible anymore when you took off the mask. You were right."

"Ben Solo was weak. He did not deserve to use the Force. I have power that you cannot even imagine!"

"Then why am I here? If you had truly been pulled into the darkness, why am I here? Why did you decide to kidnap me that night? Why would I matter to you, if I'm only a part of the remains of a person who does not exist anymore?"

"I told you this already. I see great potential in you. You could join the First Order. Help us rebuild what was once destroyed."

"No. You told me that I needed to face the truth of my situation. I have, and now so do you! If you truly only kidnapped me for my potential you would have done something to change me already. You haven't. I'm still the same woman that Ben Solo left alone all those years ago."

"There is no other truth for me. I am a master of the Knights of Ren. That is who I was always meant to be."

"No, it isn't. No, Ben, please, it isn't."

She took her finals steps towards him, raising her hand to touch his cheek. She had hoped he would lean into it somehow – that her touch would bring back some of the man she used to know. Instead, it only seemed to anger him further; he grabbed her wrist forcefully once more, shoving her to the side. She noticed the spark in him though, she was getting through to him. He would not be this angry if it was not working. She decided to antagonize him further. She just had to trust that he would not actually hurt her.

"As long as I'm here I will only use your true name. You are Ben Solo, daughter of Han Solo and Leia Organa. You have to remember. I will help you remember."

"There is no need. They do not matter anymore." His voice changed. Instead of anger, it was eerily calm – it frightened her more than when he had shouted at her.

He stalked towards her, as though she was his prey. He backed her into a corner, until the backs of her legs hit her sleeping bench and she was forced to sit down. He towered over her now; his tall frame seemed more intimidating now than ever before.

"What – what do you plan to do with me?" She asked, tentatively. Her previous angry disposition had dissolved and she was now left in shock. The severity of her situation only just hit her now. Before she could contemplate what was happening, she could feel his presence in her mind. He was more aggressive now than he had been the previous few times – she let out an ear splitting scream as he pulled the one of the last memories she had of Ben from her mind.

* * *

 _She ran through the corridors, worried that she would be late for her medical training. She had fallen asleep after a particularly harsh sparring session with Ben. She knew that he wanted her to be able to fend for herself after he left. He was due to leave in two months, and she would take every opportunity she could get to spend time with him. Even if it only showed her the angered side of him._

 _She ducked through a small door that led to a hidden corridor she and Ben had found years before on one of their adventures around the base. It would take her straight to the training rooms where her teacher would be waiting for her. As she ran, the only worry on her mind was that she would once more be reprimanded for her negligence._

 _It was dark in the tunnel – the only lighting there was a few emergency lights that would activate whenever one of the doors was opened on either side of the passage. It cast an eerie glow over the tunnel, and the first time that she and Ben had run through it the shadows on the wall had scared her to no end. She had been eleven at the time. He had held her hand, laughing as he pulled her along. That was seven years ago now. Their relationship had been so easy back then. It was more strained now. There was a different kind of tension at the moment – tension because he was meant to leave, tension because she was confused as to what she felt towards him. She hated herself for feeling awkward in front of him. She was not able to hide it from him anyway._

 _She stumbled a little as she lost her focus thinking about her friend. She cursed to herself, feeling a slight twinge going through her foot. Before she could stop to take a look at it however, she bumped into a tall figure who had obviously been running from the opposite direction._

" _What – Ben! What the hell are you doing here?"_

" _I was looking for you." He said, slightly out of breath._

" _I can't talk right now, I'm late for training."_

 _She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her upper arm before she could take another step. His grip was strong, but tender; and she sighed as she turned around to face him. His handsome face was illuminated softly by one of the dim lights nearby, and she averted her eyes from his gaze. She always felt as though he could read her mind._

" _I'm not letting you leave until you tell me why we've been fighting so often."_

" _Are you saying that I'm the reason we fight so much? Fighting comes from two sides, Ben. You taught me that."_

" _Of course not – I just – I need to know. Before I leave."_

" _We have to figure this out now? You're not leaving for another two months!"_

" _Well, yes… that's true – I just – I don't want us to fight for the next two months."_

 _She finally tore her eyes away from the floor and looked up at his face. He was so close to her, she could feel his breath lightly on her face. Her heart rate quickened even as she tried to calm herself._

" _Ben, we can talk about this later. I have to go."_

 _His grip did not loosen from her arm. He was silent for a moment, as she pointedly looked at his hand, trying to give him the hint that he needed to remove it from her limb. He did not, however. Instead, he leaned in closer._

" _Ben, what is the matter with-"_

 _She never got the chance to finish her sentence. He pushed her up against the wall, rather forcefully, and before she could say another word his lips were on hers in a furious dance. The kiss was hungry, desperate, and full of life. Her mind became cloudy, she could not even bring herself to respond. She was shocked, excited, curious, confused. Before she got the chance to reciprocate however, he had already broken away, resting his forehead on hers for a second before he ran back down the tunnel and into the shadows._

 _That was the first and only time Ben Solo had kissed her._

* * *

"I find it intriguing that that is the first memory you would think of during this moment."

She sat quietly, tears forming in her eyes as she looked down at her hands crossed in her lap. One half of her mind was telling her to avert her gaze, the other half of her mind was telling her that he needed to see the pain he was causing her. He needed a reminder of who she was to him. She looked up at him, into those brown eyes she knew so well.

"Why does that surprise you? It was the last time I saw you."

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for all your lovely reviews! They make it so worthwhile to write this story. I won't be able to update tomorrow as I'll be traveling all day, but I promise a new chapter by Wednesday night!


	8. Chapter 8

"You cared much for Ben Solo."

"Yes, I did." She answered, her eyes still wet from the memory she had just relived.

"And now?" He asked, believing she would speak to him honestly.

"Now I know there is no reason for me to start caring again."

She hoped that her words would impact him in some way. She hoped that somehow, they would hurt him. She knew it was futile to hope, though. This shell of a man was nothing compared to the boy she had grown up with.

"I find that hard to believe." He said, trying to get her to react emotionally to him once more. There was a small part of him that wanted to see if she truly meant her words. What would it mean if she did? Would there be absolutely no hope of him returning to the light? He was still at war with himself, and he knew his decision to bring her back to base with him made his struggle all the more difficult. But he could feel the Dark Side of himself winning – he was enjoying seeing her broken, defeated and hopeless. It made it easier for him to catch her gaze as she stared up at him.

"You said it yourself, Ben Solo does not exist anymore. He would not have forced me to relive something that obviously pains me. Perhaps that is all the evidence I'll ever need."

"And yet you feel lonelier now than ever before. How is that possible, when you had made peace with him being gone all those years ago?" He asked, genuinely curious to know the answer.

"Sometimes the smallest sliver of hope can be the most dangerous weapon; especially when it is being manipulated by the wrong person."

He smirked at her response, and his expression sent a single shiver up her spine. It was hard to look at him; to see a face she knew so well attached to someone she hardly seemed to know at all. He had worn her out, and there was nothing she could do now but wait to see what action he would take next. She still wished that he would be affected by her display of indifference – maybe he needed to think that she did not care for him anymore to realize how much she actually mattered – or used to matter – to him. She needed to believe that her Ben was still in there, even if it took a whole lifetime to pry him back from the depths of himself.

"Your search for hope will be in vain. It will not save you now, nor will it be your tool for redemption." He said, enjoyment of her pain plainly visible on his features. He had never looked at her like that before. Ben, at least, had never looked at her like that before.

"In your scenario, who is it I'm seeking redemption for? Myself, or you?"

"Both, I'd wager."

"I never would have figured you for a betting man. Ben wasn't one for it, anyway."

The grim smirk on his face was replaced with an angry sneer. She realized her mistake too late. She should not have mentioned his real name; but his familiar face made it hard for her to remember.

"You know that my name is not Ben." He said, his voice trembling with fury.

"Your face makes it hard to remember." She snapped back at him, sick of him being there, sick of him making her feel unworthy. She was done.

"You sound annoyed." He said, the corners of his lips once more curling upwards in a smirk.

"I am. You've had your fun. You've beaten me into the ground and then pulled me back up only to make it worse once more. My emotions are a game to you, and I've realized that you don't care about me. You've made it clear. I don't know what else it is you plan to do with me – but right now, I'd like you to do me the courtesy of putting on your helmet and leaving me alone."

She stared straight into his eyes as she said her piece. He seemed to consider making a snarky remark about how being courteous was not in his nature, but decided against it in the last moment. Satisfied that he would leave her, she looked back down at her fidgeting hands, waiting to hear his footsteps retreat from her cell. Before he did so, however, he lightly touched his fingers under her chin, lifting up her face to lock eyes with him one last time. It was an intimate gesture that made her stomach churn. Ben had done that with her, countless times, whenever she refused to tell him what was bothering her. It was moments like these that made it hard to forget that he was not himself anymore.

His fingers still resting under her chin, he leaned down towards her to whisper one last menacing thing to her before he finally left her in peace. She could feel his breath lightly brushing against her face; it simultaneously intoxicated her the same way it had done in her memory and sickened her enough to recoil back from his touch.

"I'll leave, for now."

With those words, he turned on his heel, picked up his helmet from the table it rested on and closed the door in a surprisingly gentle yet sinister manner before stalking down the hallway back to the bridge.

* * *

Cara had no idea how many days had passed since her emotionally draining encounter with her captor, Kylo Ren, her Ben. She had no appetite for the dismal food they brought her – she had no curiosity for any of the arguments she heard outside her door. She only stared out the window, counting the stars in the galaxy, trying to fall asleep as much as possible.

On another such occasion, as she had just counted star 387, she heard the familiar jingling of keys outside her door that always happened right before a Stormtrooper came to deliver one third of her daily abysmal meals.

As the door opened with only the whoosh of a small breeze to acknowledge it was actually happening, she noticed something different. The food was accompanied by a smell, a delightful smell – something that had not happened once before with any of the food that had been given to her. The smell was heady, almost inebriating, and she quickly sat up to regard the Stormtrooper that had brought the food in.

She could immediately tell that he was different. Whereas most troopers simply dumped the tray by the door, he walked in, set it down carefully on the table in the corner and actually seemed to remember that she was there. She recognized the gesture – only one other Stormtrooper she had come into contact with had acknowledged her presence in that same careful way before. She noticed that he turned to leave, but she quickly stopped him with a question.

"You – you're that Stormtrooper that stopped me from scouting the ship the other day." She quickly tried to remember the code Kylo Ren – Ben – had used to command him.

"FN-2187, right?"

He turned his head to look at her, his quick movement showing her that he was surprised at her question. He nodded, ever so slightly, but she was able to catch the motion.

"The food you brought me is different. It smells good."

He seemed to be rooted in place, as though he was unused to someone conversing with him as though he was really there. He nodded again, but this time, the action was a little more pronounced.

She smiled at him, thankful that for the first time since she had arrived here, someone was actually treating her as though she was a human being. Suddenly, he shook his head, as if snapping out of a daze, and turned his back on her to walk out the door.

"Thank you." She said, before he could have the chance to leave. He stopped in his tracks for a second before moving to open the door. Before he could do so, however, someone else stalked into the room. Cara had not seen this man before – he had a stern look on his face, his ginger hair surprisingly striking against his pale skin. He wore a black, well-fitted uniform, and he had an air of self-importance about him that immediately allowed her to take a disliking to him.

"You're dismissed." He said in a clipped tone to the Stormtrooper who had treated her so well.

She said nothing to the stranger, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of asking the first question. He did not seem to mind though – it appeared he already had a topic of discussion on his mind.

"So you are the one Kylo Ren brought home from Jakku. How wonderfully disappointing."

She was somewhat insulted by his comment, but held her tongue. She did not need any more enemies on this ship, no matter how awful they may be.

"Has he mentioned anything of his intentions with you? I imagine they are rather ghastly."

She remained quiet once more. Apparently he took her silence as a no. He smiled a sinister smile, an expression that made her blood run cold.

"I take it you are not aware of who I am. I am General Hux, commander of this vessel. Kylo Ren may have taken you prisoner but you are a prisoner on my ship. You will answer me when I speak to you."

She refused to utter a single word, but he was getting to her. He was intimidating – perhaps not to the same degree as Kylo Ren – but intimidating nonetheless. She would try to stand her ground. He started pacing across her cell, keeping one eye trained on her as he walked.

"I have my own ways of making you answer me. For now though, I will speak, and you will listen."

Cara remained utterly silent.

"It's a strange coincidence, wouldn't you say, that the day that Kylo Ren decided that he would take you prisoner his tantrums were elevated to an all new level of lunacy. As though there was something about you that bothered him. And yet, here we are, a mere few weeks later, and suddenly, it is as though a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. Almost as though he revealed something to you, revealed to you who he truly was."

She averted her gaze then, a nervous tick of hers that told General Hux more than any of her words ever could.

"Understood. Now my only question is, why would it matter to him? Why would a mere villager from Jakku matter enough to be told the truth of his heritage?"

He kept pacing and forged on with his speech, as though he had forgotten that she was even there to begin with.

"Why would it affect him so? He has been calm, calmer than any of us are used to from him. What is that you mean to him?"

She sat further back on her bench, away from the menacing man now standing still in front of her.

"You do not have to tell me anything at the moment, but I do promise you that I will find out. When I do, you will be the first to know. My actions will then depend on what I find. If there is a relationship between the two of you, I will figure it out and I will use it to my advantage. Of that, you can be assured."

He smiled at her once more before leaving the room; a toothy and menacing grin that made her entire body cringe and long for the only familiar face she knew on this ship.

* * *

A/N: I went to see TFA for the third time today, and I noticed so many more details now then I did either time before! I would highly recommend going to see it again :) As ever, thanks for any reviews, follows and favorites you give me. They mean a lot! Now that the reviews have finally been synced again, I'll be replying to them to thank you guys for the support :)


	9. Chapter 9

Cara was worried. Not only did she have to defend herself against the ruthless emotional torture that Kylo Ren so seemed to enjoy, but now General Hux was looking for a reason to use her against him. If the General ever found out what she meant to Ben – or at least, what she meant to his past-self – the jig would be up. She would not be able to prepare herself for whatever it is they would have in store for her. She would not be able to prepare herself to be used as a game piece for the power feud between two mad men.

What would she do then? Would she have to pick a side to protect herself? Would it be wiser for her to lend herself to the side of the General; who would most likely use her relentlessly in a mad bid to get Kylo Ren to show his true colors? Or would she give herself over to Kylo Ren, subjecting herself to an endless stream of emotional abuse that would only serve to further his own pleasure?

She just could not be sure.

It was all she could do not to pull her hair out. Everything was frustrating her to no end. How had she ended up here? How had her simple life on Jakku transformed into this real life nightmare?

She had always thought that if she ever came face to face with Ben again that she would be elated. They would look at each other for a while, see how they both had changed over the years before rushing to hug each other and pick up where they left off: as friends, as confidantes, as family. Perhaps, one day, it could have led to something more. Instead, she had ended up losing her closest friend in the worst way possible. He had forgotten who he was. He had forgotten where he came from.

Her frustration turned into anger, and her anger turned into boredom. She realized that Kylo – Ben – was letting her stew in her own misery. It had been days since she had seen him. It would probably be many days more.

Her boredom led to her decision to attempt another exploratory mission around the ship. Maybe this time, she could actually find something useful, even make contact with someone that could help her.

She once more took her position behind the door, waiting for another unsuspecting Stormtrooper to bring in her food. Cara just hoped it was not FN-2187, the soldier who had been so nice to her. She did not want to give the one person on this ship who had shown her any kindness a reason to hate her.

Suddenly, the door opened; it was a strange occurrence though, as she had not heard any keys jingling in the door before it swung forward. Before the implications of this could dawn on her however, he strode in, his black robes billowing behind him, his lightsaber lightly smacking against his leg as he walked. It dawned on her that he had neglected to wear his mask today. It unsettled her. She had hoped she would never have to see his face again. Realizing that it was probably his intention to disturb her, she tried to sprint out the door before it could fall shut again. She did not need another confrontation with him right now. He knew though, as he always did, and used the Force to slam the door closed before she could even put her foot through the opening.

"There is no use in exploring the ship. There is nothing you will find now that you did not already on your first failed experimental mission." He said, that same menacing tone to his voice that had haunted her dreams since the reveal of his identity.

She did not respond to his statement. She had questions of her own. Questions she hoped would unnerve him as much as his presence unnerved her. If she was to undergo a confrontation with him, she may as well use it to her advantage.

"Why are you not wearing your mask?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Does it not comfort you to see a familiar face?" He sneered. The tone of his voice was filled with malice, but his eyes revealed something else. Conflict. Even though she knew a response like that was imminent, it still stung.

"You already know that it does not. There has to be another reason for you to show me your face again." She said, probing him further. He seemed to contemplate his response carefully before answering – something he used to do when they were younger and she asked him a particularly personal question. The familiar mannerism hit her like a ton of bricks. Confronting him was hardest whenever she was reminded of who he really was, who he used to be.

"There is great advantage in being able to see how someone reacts to your expression. When I told you the reality of who I was, my words did not sink in. It was only when you saw my face that the truth of your situation finally hit you. It was only then that you saw that Ben Solo had truly been replaced by Kylo Ren. The terror on your face, the wide-eyed look of understanding in your eyes – those were things I would never have been able to enjoy had I merely told you who I used to be to you. You needed to see it to believe it."

Somehow, Cara knew exactly how to respond. She knew exactly how to make him angry.

"I understand your reasoning. If it weren't true, I would not be able to see the conflict in your eyes right now. I would not be able to see the obvious difference between the tone of your voice and the slight tremor in your cheek. The implications of that are just astounding; you are not as sure of you-"

He cut her off, his hands curling into fists by his side.

"I am not the one who is afraid here." He snapped at her, trying to regain his composure.

"You are not as sure of yourself as you make out to be." She said, finishing her previous thought.

His hand moved slowly towards his lightsaber, his fingers curling around the hilt as if trying to steady himself through his weapon. She noticed the action, a twinge of worry going through her mind. She pushed it aside though, willing herself to be strong enough to anger him further. She needed to get through to him. She needed him to give in to his inner conflict.

"Are you aware that General Hux came to see me a few days ago?"

At her remark, his fingers tightened even further around the cold metal of his lightsaber, his knuckles straining against the confines of his black leather gloves. She could tell that she was pushing him towards the edge, right where she wanted him.

"He came to see me because he wanted to know why I was here. He wanted to know why you decided to keep me here for so long. He wanted to know what I meant to you."

"You mean nothing to me." He whispered, his voice dangerously low. His words hurt, but she carried on.

"He seems to think differently."

"He is a fool."

"Then give me a different reason as to why I'm here. If I truly mean nothing to you, what possible use could I be? I am not a resistance fighter, I am not a Jedi. There is no reason for me to be here, unless you are scared to let me go!" She yelled at him, her emotions getting the best of her. She could still tell that her strategy was working though. His breathing was labored and his shoulders were heaving.

"You – mean – nothing – to me!" He screamed, all his frustration and anger clearly noticeable in every syllable he spoke. He tore his lightsaber from its holster, the energy from the weapon casting her cell in an eerie red glow. He smashed it against the wall, causing the same amount of destruction she had seen in the hallway right outside her door. He kept on swinging the weapon with every ounce of strength he could muster. She backed away from him, afraid of this side of him she had brought forth. She had never seen his face contorted with such hatred before.

Suddenly, the devastation stopped, and he slowly turned towards her, his lightsaber still humming with energy. Every step he took towards her, she took another step back. This reaction was worse than what she had hoped for.

"Did you truly think you could anger me into reverting back to Ben Solo? Was that truly your plan?" He asked. His voice was calm, too calm, and it was more frightening than being yelled at.

"Pathetic. A pathetic attempt from a mere villager. Did you really think that something as simple as angering me would bring back the life you've lost? That I would run into your arms, and all would be well? That I would kiss you, as I did in one of your precious memories? Is that what you hoped for?" He continued, once again pinning her between his body and the wall.

She stayed silent, too stunned to move. This was worse than anything she had encountered with him before.

"Answer me!" He yelled, swinging his lightsaber through her room once more. Before she could have the chance to move out of harm's way though, his weapon caught her – burning a gash into her arm. She wailed out in pain, the burning sensation on her arm clouding her thoughts and almost allowing her to forget what she was currently dealing with. The pain was all she could feel. It was all she could think about.

As soon as he heard her cry of agony, he stopped, weapon in mid arc. He looked at her on the floor, desperately trying to stop the bleeding with her hand, pressing hard against her own arm in a futile attempt to stop her wound from hurting. It was no use though; he knew that from experience. A sickening feeling seemed to overtake him – he had wanted to hurt her, with his words, with his strength. Now that he had though, it loosened a reaction within him that he had not anticipated. He felt sorrow.

Before he let his new found guilt surpass his self-restraint, he ran out of the small cell – leaving his prisoner to tend to her wound on her own.

* * *

A/N: I'll have a new chapter up soon; thank you for all the support!


	10. Chapter 10

She half expected him to run back in – to help her patch her wound, to apologize for what he had done. Ben had always apologized immediately if he had hurt her; he could never stand to see her in pain. She ripped part of her shirt to wrap around her arm. At least she knew that wounds from a lightsaber would not be filthy – she would not get an infection. The pain was almost unbearable though, and she had to squeeze her eyes shut and take a few deep breaths every couple of seconds to keep herself from momentarily blacking out. Every wrap-around she made with her homemade bandage stung. Every sting brought tears to her eyes.

She waited a few more agonizing minutes, but he never returned. It was almost as though it was her last hope. He may truly not care about her anymore if he was not willing to come back in and check on her. It had been one of his best qualities. Even if she had gotten hurt and it was not his fault, he would still apologize. It was as though he wanted to take all her pain away and place it on his own shoulders. It was one of his personality traits that she loved the most. That she missed the most.

There were times when she had tried to reciprocate the gesture – times when he had heard a worrying conversation between his parents, the time he had dislocated his shoulder during combat practice. Emotional or physical, Cara had wanted to be there for him. She just always felt that she could never do as much for him as he did for her. He always seemed to know exactly what to say. Every touch, every word, it had always been enough to comfort her.

Even now, all she wanted was to return the favour. Maybe if she could get through to him, get him to remember who he was and where he came from, it would make up for all the times he had helped her in the past. She could help him, she could be there for him. She could have her friend back. All this pain and suffering she was fighting through right now could mean something.

A voice in the back of her mind told her it was useless, though. He was too far gone. How could she expect to save someone from themselves when she could not even save herself?

She tried to get up from her position on the floor, as she crawled over to her sleeping bench and pulled herself up with one arm. Her wounded limb brushed against the floor though, and another unbearable burst of pain went through her arm right up into her head, and she quickly blacked out to keep herself from screaming.

* * *

" _Ben, please let me in. Your mother told me what happened."_

" _No, Cara, go away. I don't want to talk to you right now."_

" _Why not? You can tell me, just let me in."_

" _Please, Cara, just – leave me alone."_

 _She could hear his voice trembling, and she knew him well enough to know that he was feeling ashamed of himself. He had lost a sparring session against one of the other kids on the base. Ben had never lost a sparring match before._

" _Look, Ben. I know that you hate losing. I've played enough games with you to know that everyone should stay out of your way whenever you lose. I just want to be there for you. I want to be your friend."_

 _It was quiet on the other side of the door – she was worried that he was not listening to her. She pressed her ear closer to the door, hoping to hear any sign of movement. She got her wish, as she heard him shifting on his bed._

" _Ben, I know you're listening to me. Just let me help you. You can talk to me. We can go through what happened, make a strategy for your next match against him. I'll help you win."_

 _She heard the sheets on his bed rustling and she realized that he was standing up, hopefully to walk over to the door. She took a step back, not wanting to seem too eager. After waiting a few seconds, however, he still had not opened the door. She pressed her ear closer once more, trying to hear what he was doing in his room._

" _You don't always need to try and help me to prove to me that you're my friend." He said, his voice suddenly much louder. She realized that he was now standing on the other side of the door, waiting for her response._

" _I know. That's just what friends do for each other. Are you going to open this door for me now?"_

" _No." He said, but she could hear that his voice was less shaky. She was getting through to him._

" _Okay,' she said, sliding down to sit with her back leaning against his door, 'I'll just wait here until you open it for me."_

" _That may take a while."_

" _Do you want to tell me why?" Cara asked, even though she already knew the answer._

" _You don't need me to tell you why. I can hear in your voice that you already know."_

" _Might help if you talk about it."_

" _You already know I don't want to do that either."_

 _She laughed lightly, knowing full well that he did not want to discuss his problems. Every time she tried to help him, every time she tried to comfort him, he would shut her down. At first, it had bothered her. It made it seem as though he did not think she was smart or clever enough to be able to help him. It took a while for her to realize that she did not need to help him directly; he just needed her to be there for him indirectly. He just needed to know that she was on the other side of that door, waiting for him to gather the courage to let her in once more._

" _Do you want me to leave?" She asked, full well knowing that he would protest._

" _No! No, I mean. You can stay. If you want. You don't have to, though, I'm fine." He remained silent, waiting for her to answer. Waiting for her to confirm that she would, indeed, stay._

" _No, you know what? I'm actually quite comfortable here. Might take a nap, if I've got the time."_

" _You've got the time." He said, challenging her._

" _Alright, if you're sure. Just wake me up whenever you're ready."_

 _He was silent for a few minutes – it took him so long to answer that Cara actually closed her eyes and had started drifting off right before he opened the door. She had not expected it, and thus fell backwards, hear heart skipping a beat as her head lightly bounced on the carpeted floor of his room. She opened her eyes to see Ben grinning down at her, clearly amused at her clumsiness._

" _You could have given me fair warning." She snapped at him, clearly annoyed._

" _What would have been the fun in that?" He said, a mischievous glint in his eyes that he could only have inherited from Han Solo._

" _Are you going to help me up or should I just fall asleep again?" She said, holding out her hand for him to take._

 _He took her hand, and gently helped lift her up off the ground. She enjoyed these small physical contacts with Ben – she was the only one that he would allow close enough to him. Even his own parents barely got to see this side of him. His hand was warm and heavy in hers, and she smiled down as he intertwined his fingers with her, leading her out onto the balcony that was adjacent to his room._

" _So do you want to tell me what happened?" She probed, hoping he would finally tell her himself._

" _No."_

" _Do you want to tell me why you feel so ashamed?"_

 _He suddenly slipped his hand out of hers, and a shiver ran up her spine at the loss of contact._

" _I am not ashamed."_

" _Ben, you know you can't fool me."_

" _Why do you want me to confess to you so badly? You can't help me feel unashamed. What's done is done. I lost - to an inferior fighter. It was embarrassing."_

 _"And so you thought that hiding out in your room would be the best way for you to prove them wrong?"_

" _It's not about proving them wrong. The only way I can prove them wrong is to beat him in another match. He is not stupid enough to challenge me again."_

" _You can prove them wrong by showing that it doesn't affect you! You can prove to them that a loss does not distress you, that it only makes you stronger."_

" _How could a loss possibly make me stronger?" He said, turning to face her. His eyes were full of regret, as if his entire life depended on her answer. It broker her heart to see him so insecure._

" _You can prove to them that you learnt from your loss. You can show them that you've grown as a human being. You can enlighten them by demonstrating that you can rise above a petty dispute and use your experiences to your advantage. That is what a real Jedi would do."_

 _He contemplated her, searching her face for any signs of uncertainty. She stared right back into his eyes, challenging him to call her a liar._

" _And since when do you know what a real Jedi would do?"_

" _From the stories you told me. From the lessons you taught me."_

 _He shook his head, disbelief clouding his features at her pure sincerity when she spoke to him. How had he ended up with a friend like her?_

" _How can you be so sure?"_

 _She placed a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look straight into her eyes as she said her next few words._

" _Because I believe in you."_

 _He smiled at her words. She always saw the best in him. Even when he got angry with her, even when he threw a tantrum. Even when he destroyed whatever was in his path in anger. She always saw the best in him. A slight breeze wafted over them, and a few strands of her hair blew in front of her face, shielding her eyes from his view. He enjoyed looking at her eyes. They were a color he had never seen before or since they had met. They were unique, like her. He lifted his hand to tuck the stray strands of hair behind her ear once more, smiling ever so slightly as her eyes came back into view. She smiled right back at him._

 _He turned away from her then, walking back inside. When she did not follow, he spun around to face her again, an eyebrow cocking up as he waited for her to react._

" _What?" She asked, her eyes widening as she tried to predict what he would say next._

" _Aren't you coming?"_

" _Where are we going?"_

" _Downstairs, to prove them all wrong."_

 _She laughed then, grinning to herself as he once more held out his hand for her to take. She slowly laced her fingers with his once more, feeling content, feeling happy. He was the only friend she had ever had. He was the only friend she would ever need._

* * *

She smiled in her sleep, the calming and joyful memory enough to take away her excruciating pain as she fell further into a restful and dreamless slumber for the first time in weeks.

* * *

A/N: Thank you to all the new followers, I'm so glad that so many people seem to enjoy this story. I will have another update for you as soon as possible!


	11. Chapter 11

Her eyes snapped open as someone roughly pulled on her injured arm, making Cara yell out in pain. She stumbled as another person grabbed her other arm, pulling her to her feet from her horizontal sleeping position. It was uncomfortable, and she almost shed a tear as she remembered the lovely dream she had been having before she was woken up rather forcefully by the two Stormtroopers now pressing their armour covered fingers tightly into her skin.

"What the hell are you doing?" She said, as she struggled to release herself from their grasp.

"They are just following orders." A stern voice said, one she recognized immediately. It would seem General Hux had decided to pay her another visit.

"Is this really necessary?" She asked, hoping to understand what he was doing here.

He did not respond, looking around instead at the destruction that had transpired across most of her cell. He shook his head, almost as though he was chuckling to himself. It annoyed her to no end; what could possibly be amusing him right now?

"I see you've had a little run-in with our Master of Ren." He said, a menacing tone to his voice.

"Obviously."

He smiled, a sinister curl to the corners of his mouth as he regarded her.

"It would seem you do not have as calming an effect on him as I initially thought."

"Apparently not." She spat, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible.

"You may still be of use to me, however." He stepped closer to her, and Cara tried to free herself from her current handlers. It was no use though, she was in a weakened state and no match for the three men currently stood in her quarters.

"Care to enlighten me?" She asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking. She did not want him to realize that she was frightened of him. He had no connection to her – nothing to hold him back from hurting her.

"Kylo Ren's destruction has always seemed to stem from his anger towards others in combination with frustration at himself. Frustration that he did not simply do whatever task was set himself and anger at the incompetence of others. This destruction that we see around us,' Hux said, his arm pointing in the general direction of her torn-to-pieces wall, 'is the result of his own frustration in combination with his anger towards you. I'd like to know why he feels such resentment towards you. What have you awoken in him?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters a great deal. I cannot have your presence here threaten the work we are doing in the name of The First Order. You will tell me what you are to him or I will wrench it out of you myself."

"I am nothing to him." She whispered, repeating Kylo Ren's words from before. Ren's words, not Ben's. She had to remember that.

"You are a terrible liar." He said, leaning down to look straight into her eyes.

"Lead the way." He said once more, this time directed at his Stormtroopers. They started shoving her out of the room, and Cara used every ounce of strength she had left to slow them down. It was a futile attempt, and only served to have them treat her with even more vigour. They grabbed her arm right over her wound, and she screamed in pain again. She hoped that it would alert someone, anyone, to what they were doing to her. Perhaps FN-2187 would come to help, or Ben even – Kylo Ren.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked, slightly out of breath from her current state of agony.

"Somewhere you might be more inclined to tell me how it is you feel about Kylo Ren."

She suddenly knew where he was dragging her off to, and that knowledge scared her to no end. He was taking her back to the torture chamber that Ben – Ren – had taken her to the first day she was captured. She had endured great anguish there, more than she would care to remember. She had no desire to go back.

"I already told you, I mean nothing to him. He means nothing to me. What more could you possible need to know? I anger him because he thought I had information about the Resistance. He made the wrong call. Perhaps he becomes angry whenever one of his hunches does not end up with the result he had hoped for." She pleaded with him; anything to stay away from that room.

"We both know it is more than that." Hux whispered in her ear, as they finally ended up in that dreadful room. She shivered as she felt his hot breath on her ear. She could not help but notice that the sensation was much more unpleasant when it was Hux this close to her than when it was Ben. As terrible as Ben was at the moment, she could not help but feel strangely sensitive whenever he was around her; it was saddening and mystifying at the same time. General Hux on the other hand, made her feel sick and violated.

"Strap her in." He ordered, motioning for his men to proceed.

She tried to stiffen her body, tried to make it harder for them to strap her to the contraption, but it was of little use. They quickly overpowered her and before she knew it she was in the exact same position she had woken up in just a few weeks past. It felt as though it had happened a lifetime ago.

"Now, I will ask you one more time. What is it you mean to Kylo Ren?"

"Listen to me! I-MEAN-NOTHING-TO-HIM!" She screamed, desperate to try and get her point across. She was much weaker now than when Ben – Kylo, had had her in here. She would not be able to resist the pain as well.

"Such a strong reaction means that there is cause for it. Perhaps you mean nothing to Ren, but he does mean something to you. What is it? What connection does he have to a poor villager from Jakku?"

She kept her mouth shut this time. There was nothing she could say that would convince him that he was wrong. She would not even be able to convince herself.

"I think a little physical force may be needed to persuade you to speak."

He stepped towards her, his fingers lightly brushing against her wounded arm. A chill ran up her spine as goose bumps broke out all over her skin. She felt nauseated at his touch, and the sickening feeling in her stomach only became worse as his fingers trailed further up her arm from her wrist towards her shoulder. Towards her wound. Even as his fingertips only lightly touched the wound a hot, burning sensation made her head spin. He could tell that his touch had a negative effect on her. He smiled his signature sinister smile, as his nails slightly started to dig into the cut. She bit her tongue to keep herself from screaming; but as he increased the pressure and dug his nails in further it was impossible to control her impulse anymore – she cried out in misery, tears forming in her eyes at the pain he was inflicting on her.

"Now, would you like to try again? Why does a mere villager from a desert planet have such an effect on such a potentially powerful man? What is it you know of his past?"

"Nothing – I don't know. I've never seen him before." It was her last attempt to dissuade Hux from his cause. Her energy was quickly fading.

"I do not believe you." He said, menace and anger creeping into the tone of his voice. He was inching closer to her now, and she could see that his pupils were dilated – he was enjoying this. He was enjoying hurting her.

"Now, tell me, or I will –"

His thought was cut off as she heard the familiar buzzing of a lightsaber turning on behind him. General Hux whipped around, ready to reprimand whoever it was that had interrupted him. Cara almost breathed a sigh of relief as she saw the familiar billowing robes and daunting black mask that had haunted her through so many sleepless nights. At least he would stop whatever General Hux had planned for her. It scared her less if she was to be subjected to whatever pain Kylo Ren intended to inflict on her. At least against him she had the possibility to defend herself by playing to his emotions.

"General Hux, what exactly is it you intend to do with my prisoner?" Kylo Ren's voice was harder to read now that he had his mask on once more. The distorter covered the true emotion in his voice. It fell flat, and she could not tell if he was angry or indifferent in regards to her current predicament.

"You brought her onto my ship. I intend to understand why you, of all people on this vessel would be so emotionally ruled by a young girl. She has no power – there is no use for her." He practically spat his words, anger fully overshadowing his better judgement.

"That is for me to know and decide." Ren said, the crackle of his lightsaber a stark reminder of just what he was capable of. It seemed that General Hux could feel it to, but still he refused to back down.

"In the name of the First Order I command you to tell me what it is you plan on doing with this prisoner!"

Kylo shot towards General Hux so quickly Cara could barely register the movement had actually happened. Before she knew it, Kylo had Hux pressed up against the wall, his lightsaber illuminating both their faces in a sinister red light. The lightsaber was pressed right up against the General's neck, and she could see that his face was contorted in pain, a slow and slight burn creeping its way onto his skin.

"You do not command me, General. You would do well to remember that." Even through the distorter, his words were said with such ferocity and wrath she could hear his true emotion for the first time since he had walked into the room.

"Supreme Leader Snoke will hear of your exploits these last few weeks. You mark my words." General Hux said, trying to save face.

"Very well." Her masked captor said, obviously not very worried about the General's threat.

Hux ran out the second he got the chance, bellowing for the two Stormtroopers who had aided him to follow. She realized that neither of them had done a thing to help their fallen commander – it was obvious they were as frightened of Kylo Ren as she was.

The fresh pain in her arm was now a dull throb, and her head was finally starting to clear now that the room had finally fallen silent. She lifted her head with what was left of her strength to regard the man who in this moment, was her saviour. It dawned on her that she wanted him to take his mask off again. She wanted to be able to see his eyes.

"Thank you." She said, putting every ounce of honesty she could muster into her words. She truly meant it.

* * *

A/N: I know I say this every chapter, but I want to thank everyone who's been reading and following this story. I love writing, but I don't do it nearly enough because I'm always worried it won't be good enough. This story having so much support means a lot to me and gives me more confidence as a writer! I'll have a new chapter up as soon as I can :)


	12. Chapter 12

"You have nothing to thank me for." He said, as he slipped his lightsaber back into its holster.

His words caught her off guard. Was he simply stating that he was not finished with her as of yet, or was he in some way apologizing to her for what he had put her through so far? She desperately hoped it was the second option, but decided to push her hopefulness to the back of her mind. It would do her no good to suddenly become optimistic.

"Hux would have done a lot worse to me if you had not shown up on time."

"That is none of my concern." He said, his voice falling flat once more.

"Then why did you come in here? Why not just let him hurt me?" She could feel her voice faltering as she once again forced herself to remember that he did not care about her. He was no longer her Ben. He was Kylo Ren now.

For a moment, he said nothing, and she thought he would simply walk out the door and leave her to fend for herself. Instead, he stepped towards her, his glove-covered hands reaching for the straps that held her in place. She flinched at his touch, a knee-jerk reaction to the last time he had hurt her. She was still unsure whether or not the cut from his lightsaber had been an accident. She had no desire to find out. It seemed, however, that he noticed her slight recoil, and he quickly pulled his hands away from her.

She was worried that she may have offended him in some way. She was mad at herself for failing to control her own impulse – but he awoke something in her; a primal instinct to protect herself while simultaneously only ever wanting to get closer to him. It was confusing and exhilarating at the same time. She needed to understand why she felt this way.

He stood in front of her for a long moment. She could feel him staring at her, even from under his mask. She felt that familiar desire to see his eyes, to be able to actually perceive what he was feeling instead of having to try and comprehend his intentions merely through his words.

"Will you answer my question?" She asked, trying to better understand the man in front of her. He was a mystery she still needed to unravel – much like the mysteries he always sought to undo when they were younger and in the midst of their adventurous phase of life.

He lifted both his hands to the sides of his helmet, and Cara recognized the gesture from the last time he had taken off his mask. She held her breath without even realizing in anticipation of seeing his face again. She needed to steel her nerves if she was going to hold her composure this time. The truth of who he used to be still affected her every instance he revealed his true identity to her once more.

His mask clicked, and then hissed, before he pulled it off of his head slowly. She traced every inch of his face with her gaze – a pang of sorrow going through her as once again appreciated how handsome he had become with age. He actually quite reminded her of his father – but he seemed to have his mother's eyes.

"Instinct." He said, refraining from saying anything more.

It took her a minute before she realized that this singular word was in response to her earlier question. Her heart fluttered at his statement – it did not matter if he said it without even realizing the consequence of his answer; he had protected her out of instinct. It was all she needed to hear. There was hope for him yet. Her earlier hesitation to believe that Ben was still inside of him somewhere was unfounded. She would keep trying to get through to him.

He stepped towards her once more, carefully placing his mask down on the small table stood next to her. The gentle action made a world of difference to her uneasiness around him, and it did not go unnoticed that the way he put his mask down this time was completely opposite to the way he had done it when he had first shown his true self to her. He had slammed it down then, angry at her for pushing him to his limits. It seemed this time, he was in a better mood.

After putting down the mask, he slowly pulled his gloves off each of his fingers – she had not seen Ren – Ben, without them on the entire time she had been on this ship. It was almost as though he was opening himself up to her, in the only way he knew how. By making himself more vulnerable.

Once the gloves were off and his slender, pale hands were visible to her, she instantly seemed to remember all the times he had held her hand in his; when they were running around the base, when he was trying to comfort her, when he simply did it without even thinking about it. Seeing his hands out in the open like this made her want to take hold of them once more. It was helpful then, that she was still trapped under the straps of the contraption she was resting against; she probably would not have been able to help herself.

Just as she had that thought, his hands moved towards her once more as he started working on the clasps that held the straps in place against her body. She shivered at his touch – a reflex that did not go unnoticed by Ren – and her breathing became shallower as she desperately thought of something to say to diffuse the tension she was undoubtedly feeling by herself. He did not seem phased by their proximity, and she felt a slight twinge of frustration at his apparent lack of sensitivity concerning their current situation.

After a few seconds, she was free, and the release of pressure from the confines of the straps made it easier for her to breathe again. She had expected him to step away from her, but instead, he remained quite close, and she could feel a tingling of excitement in the tips of her fingers and toes as she tried to think of something to say.

"You once told me you wanted to keep me safe." She said, trying to play into his emotions. He had not been receptive of her words the entire time she had been here, and she was hoping to get through to him now in this newly exposed state of his.

"Then perhaps that is the instinct I was reacting too." He said, his voice filled with an anguish she had not yet heard from him.

"Ben, please, tell me what it is you're thinking. I'd like to know. I'd like to know what you're going through right now."

It seemed that this was not the right choice of words. His eyes became much sharper, as if he was waking from a daydream, and he instantly stepped away from her. She did not back down, however. This may be the only fruitful chance she would have to get through to him.

"Ben, don't walk away from me. I just want to understand how you got here. I want to know the truth of your history."

She tried to appeal to his former self – the self that had a desperate desire to learn the background of everyone and everything he ever came across. The desire that Ben had had as child to understand all things that were happening around him and their cause. She had never had the same desire as strongly as he had, but she had it now. She needed to know what had happened to him. She longed to know what had happened to him.

"My name is not Ben." He said, repeating his mantra from their earlier encounters. There was less conviction to his words however, as if he was suddenly unsure of who he was or what he was even doing there.

"You once told me you would never hurt me. Keeping me in the dark is hurting me, Ben. I need to understand. I need you to take this pain away." She knew that he remembered his words, his promise, because he had seen it in one of her memories just a few weeks ago. She needed him to remember what those moments together had meant to him, just the same way she had finally given in and remembered what they had meant to her. The barricades around her memories and heart had broken down, and she wanted to take his down with them.

"You have no idea, the struggle I am faced with. You cannot help me." He said it as a fact, but it sounded more like a plea. A plea for her to let this go, so that he would hurt less, so that he could become who he supposedly wanted to be. A Sith Lord, a servant of the Dark Side. That was what he wanted. She was the one thing that seemed to stand in his way.

"You will always be Ben to me." She said, trying to reassure him that she spoke honestly. He may not heed her words right now, but he might, someday. If that day ever came, she would be there for him.

She noticed that his hand had moved to the hilt of his lightsaber once more, a nervous tick he seemed to do whenever he was in conflict with his own emotions. It was yet another reason for Cara to think there was some hope left. His fingers curled tightly around the cold metal, and she noticed the veins running the length of his hand straining against the confines of his pale skin.

She could tell that she pushed him too far as he reached around her to put his helmet back on once more. It seemed he was done with their conversation, done with having his emotions toyed with. She had said what she wanted to say however, and it was further than she had ever hoped to have come with him. She did notice that he had left his gloves off, something she took to mean that he felt he did not need to hide all of himself from her anymore.

He grabbed her arm, much like he had the last few times they had had a tense encounter. She noticed that he was careful not to grab her wound however, and his hand gripped her wrist instead, dangerously close to her hand. She hoped it was a conscious decision on his part – a part of him that wanted to be as close to her as much as she wanted to be close to him. She stretched her fingers as far as she could, and she was able to brush the underside of his hand lightly with her fingertips. She revelled in the touch, but he seemed not to have noticed. Either that, or he purposefully chose to ignore it, in which case, she still felt that she was having an effect on him.

"Injuring me with your lightsaber… was that done with intent or was it an accident?" She asked, surprised even by her own question.

He kept on walking, leading her back down to her cell. She thought he may not have heard her question, she had spoken it quite softly after all. After a few minutes, they were back at her quarters, and he gently nudged her inside before letting go of her wrist. Right before the door fell closed though, she heard him quietly mutter an answer to her surprising question.

"I don't know."

* * *

A/N: Once more, thank you for all the support! I will try to have a new chapter up by tomorrow night.


	13. Chapter 13

_She had wandered off down the corridors, alone. Her parents were sure to be looking for her; being only six years old, they were not overly fond of her walking around on her own. They could never seem to keep her in check, however. The adventurous side of her personality had started to develop and there seemed to be no stopping her._

 _She was excited and a little frightened at the same time – as much as she wanted to explore her new home, the shadows on the walls that she was not familiar with were frightening and the lights that flickered that she had not figured out the timing for yet made her jump. She pushed on, though. She was determined not to let her parents know that she was homesick. She was determined to show them how resilient she was._

 _She reached an intersection in the hallways, and stopped for a moment to compose herself. She had no idea where she was going, and needed to make a quick decision. She saw a light on at the end of the left hallway, and her curiosity got the better of her as she quickly started skipping towards it. The familiar feeling of delight and anxiety filled the pit of her stomach as the light grew and she heard the sounds of tinkering in a room at the end of the corridor._

 _As soon as she reached the door, she stopped herself from going in. She suddenly became nervous – she had no idea what or who she would find in there if she opened the door. She heard the familiar sound of someone playing with toys, however, and she became curious to see what was in the room. Perhaps she could find some new toys to take back to her bedroom with her. Perhaps it would make it feel more like home._

 _She quietly stepped to stand in front of the doorway, and peered inside through the small crevice between the doorframe and the door. There was a dim light inside, and it illuminated a young boy sitting cross-legged on the floor, playing with what looked like a few small toy replicas of a space ship. She smiled to herself as she saw the boy re-enacting what looked to be an intense battle between the ships. She forgot where she was as she watched the boy play – he seemed to be so concentrated and focused on his game that he did not even realize that a strand of his curly dark hair had fallen in front of his eyes._

 _Abruptly, she felt a tingling in her nose, and before she knew it, she had sneezed. The action caused her to lose her footing a little, and suddenly she was standing fully visible in the doorway. The boy had stopped playing to see who or what was causing all the commotion, and he lowered his toys as he looked up at her. His eyes widened at the sight of her, clearly confused as to why she was even there._

" _Who are you?" He asked, his voice much sharper than she had expected. It made her a little nervous, and her voice sounded a bit shaky when she answered._

" _My name is Cara. What's yours?"_

" _What are you doing here?" He asked, obviously avoiding her previous question._

" _Hiding from my parents." She said, not even bothering to think of an excuse. He looked at her for a moment, seemingly judging whether or not she was worthy of his conversation._

" _Me too." He finally responded, after a full minute of silence._

" _Why are you hiding from them?"_

" _Sometimes I think they're scared of me." He said, and she had no answer to his statement._

" _Mine made me move here."_

" _Why?"_

" _I don't know. They never told me."_

" _Mine don't tell me anything either."_

 _They were silent for a minute, and Cara decided that she had conversed with him enough to sit down. She sat down on the floor across from him, hugging her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. It was a defensive position she took whenever she was not sure about how comfortable she was with someone. She liked talking to the boy, but there was something strange about him as well. She still did not know his name._

" _What are you playing with?" She asked, trying to make the situation less uncomfortable._

 _He smiled for the first time, and it instantly made her smile as well. He grabbed his replicas off the floor once more, and explained to her what each one was._

" _This one is an X-Wing. All the best pilots fly in them! And the other one is a TIE fighter. You can't find those here,' he said, afterwards putting them down on the ground to pick up the biggest one of the three he had, 'and this one, this one looks like my dad's ship. He takes me along with him sometimes. It's called the Millennium Falcon!"_

 _He seemed so excited, and his enthusiasm immediately rubbed off on her._

" _Can I play with one?" She asked, a little worried that he would say no. It seemed like he was about to, but something had to have changed his mind. Maybe he could see how eager she was to use them. He handed her the TIE fighter, and she grinned at him as he carefully placed it in her hand._

" _Be careful with it!" He said, worried that she would somehow break one of them. He had never let anyone touch his replicas before. What if he had made a mistake trusting her?_

" _Don't worry, I will be. I promise." She said, and she smiled at him again. Her words made him feel a little more relaxed, and soon they were re-enacting another battle between all three ships. The X-Wing and the Millennium Falcon won, of course, because the good guys always win. That's what he said to her, and she immediately believed him. He seemed so sure of himself._

 _When they finished their game, they sat in silence for a while, both enjoying each other's company. It was not often that they got to be around people their own age. It made for a refreshing change of pace._

" _Are you here alone a lot?" She asked, breaking the comfortable silence they had._

" _Yes."_

" _Why?"_

" _I like it."_

" _Me too." She said, and she mimicked his sitting position, crossing her legs under each other. She felt more at ease with him the more time she spent with him._

 _He fell silent again. He was not used to talking to someone of his own age for this amount of time. He hoped that she would say something else though. He did not want to give her a reason to leave. Not yet, anyway._

" _You have any other places that you hide in?" She asked, and he breathed a sigh of relief, strangely thankful that she had asked him another question._

" _I haven't found any yet. But I will. I've been exploring the base a lot."_

" _That sounds like fun."_

 _She was secretly hoping that he would ask her to come along with him one day. She liked exploring a lot, but she figured it would be more fun if she had someone that would come along with her. Not to mention a little less frightening._

 _There was something about her that made him want to get to know her better. He did not have anyone else that he could play games with – and maybe it would be fun to find new hiding spots with someone else. Maybe it would be nice to share something for once._

 _Suddenly, he stood up, and she looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. She was worried that she had pushed too far, that he would just leave her here to find her way back to her parents by herself._

" _You don't want to come?" He asked, startling her. She looked up at him, noticing that he was holding his hand out to help her up. She took it, smiling at the boy in front of her, and another curl fell into his face as he looked down at the ground, blushing slightly. She giggled a little at his reaction, pushing the curl back into his unruly mop of hair._

" _What are you doing?" He asked, jumping back a little, letting go of her hand._

" _I'm sorry! Your hair just fell into your face. I pushed it back."_

" _Oh." It was all he could think of to say. He had never had someone around him who seemed to be so comfortable._

" _So what do you think we'll find?" She asked, clearly not noticing how confused he felt at her presence and the way she was acting. She was so relaxed. It was unusual for him._

" _I don't know, but this place is huge. I bet we'll find some great hiding places. We can get away from our parents whenever we want."_

" _That sounds good." She said, turning around to walk out the door. She thought that he would follow her, but when she spun back around, he was not behind her. She poked her head back into the small room they were just in, to find him standing there, looking down at the floor. She held out her hand for him this time, hoping he would take it and follow her outside. He looked back up at her, his eyes wide again, and she realized that there were probably very few people that acted like this around him. It weirdly made her like him even more. She could be his first friend. They could be each other's only friends._

" _Are you coming?"_

 _He seemed to snap out of it, and gently took hold of her hand. She turned to go back the way she came, but he stopped her, pulling her in the other direction._

" _Don't we have to go that way?"_

" _No, I know a shortcut." For some unknown reason, she trusted him. She let herself be dragged along, going further down the corridor and away from the only light source in the tunnel. Abruptly, he came to a standstill, and she bumped into him before she could stop herself._

" _What are you doing?"_

" _Just trust me." He said, and it was all she needed to hear. He let go of her hand, needing both of them to pull the small hatch door open in the wall. She never would have seen it if he had not pointed it out to her. They stepped through, into another hallway. This one was better lit, and they walked around, opening doors on all sides to see what was behind them. They did not find anything of note until she came to the end of the corridor. There was a door on the right hand side that needed a little extra force to be opened. She stepped inside, and was extremely excited by what she found._

" _Come see this!" She yelled, immediately getting his attention. He ran over to where her voice was, and joined her in the small storage room they now found themselves in. Surrounding them were old relics from different times – all toys that they could play with and collect. They blew the dust off of them together, the objects being lightly illuminated by the lights in the hallway._

" _This place is amazing!" He gushed, and she was happy to hear him so excited._

" _I think we can hide down here just fine." She said, his enthusiasm working infectiously._

" _I think so too." He turned to her, and smiled once more. She could not help but smile back._

 _They ended up playing for hours, creating their own story-worlds and games from their imaginations. They completely forgot the time, and did not stop playing until they heard her parents yelling her name in the distance._

" _I guess we should go. We don't want them to find this room." She said, saddened by the prospect of saying goodbye to her new friend._

" _That's a good idea. We should keep this our little secret." He said, and she was excited about his use of the word 'our'. She had officially made a new friend._

 _They placed the toys and relics back where they found them and shut the door, barely leaving a trace they had been there to begin with. They walked towards the sound of the adults' voices, the boy showing her to a door she had not noticed before that once more led into another hallway. She was thrilled at the prospect of exploring the base – there were so many secret passages and corners to discover._

" _You never told me your name." She suddenly realized._

" _Ben, my name is Ben." He looked straight at her then, and she noticed for the first time that his eyes were a friendly shade of brown._

" _Hi, Ben."_

" _Hi, Cara."_

* * *

Slumped down on the floor of her cell from sheer exhaustion, smiling slightly at the memory as she traced the patterns of Kylo Ren's destruction with her eyes on the wall opposite her. It was the first time they had met. Their friendship had been almost instantaneous. There was never a doubt in her mind that she needed him just as much as he needed her. It became especially apparent a few months later when her parents had passed away. She could never have imagined that she would ever need anyone as much as she needed him the weeks after she had received the news. She could never have imagined that she would want him back so desperately now.

Things had changed a lot since then. In a million years, she never could have expected to end up here.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry this update took a bit longer than expected, I was a lot busier than I realized! Hope you guys enjoy and any feedback is always welcome :) I promise I'll update soon!


	14. Chapter 14

"Wake up." A harsh voice said in her ear, startling her. She bolted upright, and noticed that the dark figure in front of her took a step back as she regained her poise.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not even needing to look up to know who it was. The tone of his voice told her that his mask was once more off.

"I need you to tell me something." He stated. She waited for him to say more.

"Did you have anything particular in mind?" She was excited to see him, and yet simultaneously confused as to why he was here. What could he possibly want from her now?

"What were you doing on Jakku?"

His question took her aback. She had never realized that he would want to know why she had been there. It made sense though, in a strange way. She had left their old home shortly after General Organa had told her that Ben had gone missing.

"The base reminded me too much of you. I could not stand staying on D'Qar without you."

He was silent for a minute.

"What if he had come back?" She knew that he was referring to Ben, his old self, and it broke her heart a little to hear him refer to himself that way.

She stood up, walking towards him. He stepped away from her, apparently still slightly shook up from their last encounter. She had made him even more confused about his allegiance to the dark side than he was before he captured her.

"Were you planning to?" She countered, full well knowing his answer but needing to hear it at the same time.

"No."

She sat back down, feeling slightly defeated by his answer.

"But what if he had?" He asked, forcing her to answer him anyway.

"I knew you would be able to find me. I was right."

"Though not in the manner you had hoped for, I suspect."

''You could say that."

He turned his back on her, and she noticed a change in his demeanour. His shoulders tensed up, his hands curled into fists by his side; his entire body trembled with rage. She wondered what could possibly have made his mood change so quickly. He had always been volatile, even when they were younger, but nothing like this. Nothing like the man that stood in front of her now.

"Why choose Jakku? Why that deserted pit of a planet? What happiness could you possibly hope to find there?"

"Happiness? Who said I was looking for happiness? I was merely looking for a way to forget about you."

The tone of his voice changed once more; while it had been tinged with a hint of confusion before, it was now tinted with malice. Malice that cut her more deeply than she would have liked. She thought she had built up a resistance to him by now – it would seem she had been wrong.

"Do I disappoint you?" He asked, turning his head in her direction but still keeping his back turned on her.

His question was so unexpected that she did not know how to respond.

"Excuse me?" She said, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Do I, disappoint you?"

"Yes." She said, deciding it was better to answer earnestly than to have him root around in her mind again. She half-expected him to pull out his lightsaber, but his hand did not even reach for the hilt as she had now seen him do so many times before.

"Why do you think that is?" He asked, his head turned away from her again. It was easier to answer now that he was not looking directly at her.

"Perhaps it's because you have shown a complete disregard for the family that loved you. Perhaps it's because you have disrespected everything you could have been. Everything you could have worked towards. Maybe it's because you have turned into a man I can barely recognize who still wears the face of a person that once meant the world to me. Maybe it is a combination of all these reasons. Perhaps you should just pick one for yourself and run with it." She said, challenging him. She was still sitting down, but she did not feel as small as she would have expected too. Instead, she felt empowered. She was the only one who could seem to get through to him on an emotional level. It was hard, and it was mostly unrewarding, but she was doing it. She was defying who he was trying to become. She was the one thing that stood in his way. It may have taken her a while to figure out, but she knew now. She was his only real adversary.

"There is more to it than that. Why were you hiding on Jakku?"

"What does it matter why I was hiding on Jakku?' she asked, becoming exasperated, 'Why does there need be an ulterior motive?"

"Because there always is one! There is always an ulterior motive. Even when we were younger, you would use anything you could to get your way, as long as you believed it was the right thing to do. You never do anything without calculating the risk and the worth, and there has to be a reason that you went to Jakku!" He shouted, but his eyes grew wide as he realized what he had just said.

Not once in the entire time that she had been there had he truly acknowledged that they had a past together. Not once had he used a memory of the two of them together to make a point. Yes, he had searched for them within her mind, but he had never acknowledged that they meant anything to him. He had never admitted that there was a part of him that remembered.

"Why did you come here?" She asked, ignoring his hurried question. She could tell that he was becoming impatient, and she knew that that was dangerous territory to enter into, but she needed to know. She needed him to tell her why he kept coming to her. Why he was keeping her here. She needed to hear it from him.

"Why do you keep me here?" She asked, paraphrasing her previous question.

"I don't know." He whispered, his back still turned to her.

"Do not lie to me, Ben."

"My name is not – it's not Ben. It's not. It's not." He was repeating it to himself as though it was the only thing keeping him grounded to reality.

"Why am I still here?"

He did not answer her, but she could tell that he was losing his grip on whatever it was that made him Kylo Ren. His shoulders slumped, and he steadied himself against the wall, hanging his shaking head low, as if to clear his mind of whatever memories were clouding his judgement. Memories of the two of them, together.

"Do you want to know why I hid on Jakku?" She asked, trying to get him to respond to her. His body stilled in anticipation of her answer. She took it to mean that yes, he did want to know why she hid on Jakku. Desperately.

"I went there because it was the only planet that we had never planned to visit together. We made maps, Ben, we made journeys and trajectories of where we would go and how we would get there. We made plans to explore the galaxy as far and as wide as we could, and the only place we never promised to go to together was Jakku. Because you are right! It's a cesspit of a planet. Nothing truly good can happen there. People are lonely, they are desperate. The sun burns too hot and the water is filthy. But I went there because we never made a promise to go there together. And I had no good reason to break that promise. Not at the time, anyway."

He finally turned around, her words seeming to have roused an anger inside of him that she had not yet seen before. He turned, slowly, assuredly, and before she knew what to say to him to calm him down, he had grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her up against the wall. He did not use his body to keep her trapped this time, though. He merely used his physical strength to push her shoulders into the wall, manipulating the Force so that she could not move a single muscle. For a moment, she thought that the reason he was now using the Force to trap her was because he was too scared to get close to her – that he did not know what he could be capable of if he closed the gap between them. Her suspicions were confirmed as she felt a sharp pain in her head and he snarled in front of her. He had read her mind and heard her thoughts.

She gathered her courage once more, remembering the power that she held over him.

"I answered your question, now you answer mine." She said, putting as much authority into her voice as she could muster.

"And why would I do that?" His voice had become eerily quiet – it was the calm voice that he generally used to frighten her, but now she knew that he only did it to intimidate her whenever she was getting closer to the truth.

"Because if you did not want to, you would not be holding me hostage anymore."

Once more, he did not answer. She could tell that she had hit another nerve within him.

"Tell me why I make you so angry."

She could see the tremor in his cheek and feel the quivering of his fingers digging into her shoulders.

"Tell me why I make you so angry." She repeated. She felt she was deserving of an answer.

"You do not make me angry." He answered, enunciating every word as though he was trying to convince himself it was the truth.

"You are lying to me again, Ben Solo."

He took a small step closer to her, and she could feel herself warm as his body heat and sheer power radiated off of him. It seemed he had finally regained some of his Kylo Ren composure.

"You do not anger me. You do not control me. You hold no power over me, as much as you would like to convince yourself that you do. Ben Solo does not exist anymore. He existed once, and you were a part of that life. That life is now in the past. You would do well to remember that. You would do well to remember who I am and what I am capable of. I see great potential in you, yes. Your penchant for fury, anger, resentment and desperation makes you the perfect candidate for training. You could make something of yourself, here, with The First Order. I will show you what it is you think you are right in denying yourself. I will show you the authority you could wield."

His words sounded exactly like something Kylo Ren would say, but his body language did not comply. His fingers were digging harder into her skin, sure to leave bruises there the next morning. His eyes darted around, searching her face for any signs of anxiety and fear. She could tell that his heart rate had quickened, and the twitch at the corner of his lips said that he was more uneasy than he was letting on.

She decided to forfeit this battle; she had the feeling there would be at least a few more to come. She also knew he was lying to himself – he knew that she held power over him. Perhaps he just did not yet fully understand how much.

She let her body slacken against the wall, an indicator that she was indeed, ready to give up. He released his control of the Force first, and she suddenly found it was easier to breath. His hands stayed on her shoulders for a moment longer than they needed too, and she knew in that moment that he would visit her again, soon. He could not seem to stay away.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! As always, thank you for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

When Cara woke up the next morning, she winced as she felt the freshly formed bruises on her shoulder. Straining her neck to get a better look, she could see the exact point where he had pushed his fingers into her skin. Her encounter with Ben, Kylo, whoever he had been at the time had left a lasting impression; and not just a physical one.

She had finally realized that she could possibly, someday, sway him back to the Light. It would be no easy feat, and it would most likely take months rather than days, but she would never quit. No matter what happened to her.

She could say that she was doing it for unselfish reasons, such as that she wanted to give General Organa her son back, the woman who had taken her in and been unfathomably kind to her as Cara was growing up. She could say that she wanted to see Ben safely returned to the arms of his father, the man who had shown her the true potential of the galaxy. She could say she was only doing it for Ben, because it was the right thing to do, and although all those reasons were also true, she would be lying to herself. She also wanted to do it because she missed her friend; and she needed him now more than ever.

There was no plan that she could make, no specific action she could take that would get him to come back to her. She could tell that his anger was rooted deep within him; he was angry at his parents for sending him away, angry that they would never listen to him, angry that they never told him the truth of his heritage. They had done it all to protect him. If only they could have known how much they had already hurt him by whispering behind his back whenever they thought he could not hear them.

Their encounter yesterday had been a blur of emotions, pain, revelations and hope. The one thing that she remembered better than anything was that he had finally admitted that he remembered her. He remembered that she was stubborn, he remembered that she was persistent and would fight for whatever it was she believed in. She hoped that he realized that she believed in him. She hoped that he realized that she would never stop fighting for him.

Cara knew that she needed to understand the reasons why he had been swayed to the dark side. Ben had always been irrational and temperamental, sure. He had a knack for flares of anger and impatience that was not becoming. He may have been all of those things, but he was not a man who was easily manipulated. For as long as she had known him, he had never let anyone tell him what to do. Whoever was doing this to him, whoever had brought him over to the Dark side, was a sheer trickster.

She was suddenly reminded of a time when they had been eleven years old, and she had tried to convince him to train her in the art of combat. Even if he had caved six years later when they were teenagers, it had taken an enormous amount of convincing on her part to get him to train her. He was adamant that there was no point in teaching her – he was worried that she would get hurt, that she would feel somehow inferior to his skills, that she would not understand the principles behind the fighting. In his own way, he had been right. If he had started to instruct her at such a young age, she probably would not have appreciated the subtext of each sparring session and fight. She would not have understood his passion for combat. It was more than just an offensive technique and a defensive shield for him. It was his strength. It provided his sense of self.

Even now, she could see his unique talent for combat in the way he wielded his lightsaber, in the way his weapon arced through the air gracefully even when he was lost in a haze of fury. She could see it in the obvious distinctive craftsmanship he had used to forge his weapon.

Her door was opened abruptly as a Stormtrooper came in to bring her food. It was accompanied by a pleasant smell, and she quickly recognized which Stormtrooper it was that was bringing her breakfast.

"Wait!" She said, before he could quickly exit her cell again. He turned around, his body language betraying his confusion.

"I would thank you again for the food, but I think you already know that I appreciate it." She said, smiling at him.

The soldier said nothing, but she wanted him to stay. It was nice to have company that was not trying to kill her, torture her or make her feel emotionally inferior. She noticed that he had not tried to leave yet, either. Not after her outburst, anyway.

"I've recently learned that the faces that hide behind masks often aren't nearly as scary as you think they might be."

"Do you mean Kylo Ren?" She was surprised by his question.

"Yes, I do."

"Are you trying to tell me that he doesn't scare you?"

"No, he still does."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that sometimes the masks and the faces behind them are not the things that haunt you. It's someone's actions towards you that can haunt you." She said, unable to explain why she was so willing to express her feelings towards this stranger.

"Which means…"

"Why do you keep that mask on when it's obvious you don't want to wear it?"

"You can tell?" He asked, a nervous tremor in his voice.

"Yes."

He quickly took his helmet off – not bothering to take it off slowly, the way Ren did. There was no reason to, he did not need to intimidate her.

The first thing she noticed was that he had a friendly face; kind eyes that betrayed his confusion as to his current position. She could tell that he did not want to be there, as much as she did not want to be there. At least, as much as she used to not want to be there.

"Do you want to escape?"

"Yea – yes. Yes, I do." He said, sounding surer of himself with every syllable.

"So why don't you try?" She asked. There was something about him that made her want to help him.

"I can't. There's no pilot that can help me."

"I'm sorry." She said, genuinely meaning it.

"So am I."

The tortured look on his face was one she had seen many times before. Conflict gleamed in his eyes, a look she had not only seen on herself often, but also on Ben. In a strange way, the Stormtrooper that stood in front of her reminded her of Ben, of Kylo Ren. They were opposites of course, but facing similar battles. Kylo Ren was determined to belong to the Dark Side, while FN-2187 was obviously wanting to move towards the light, eager to leave behind whatever it was he was trained to do.

She wished she could help him, the same way she wished she could help Ben. Maybe she just needed to give him a reason to believe that he could be good. Maybe they needed to help each other.

* * *

 _She was so tired – hours of rigorous medical training could do that to a person. Normally, she would have gone to find Ben and have dinner with him, but she could not find him anywhere. She had been so exhausted she had decided to forego dinner and go straight to bed. She would see him tomorrow._

 _She took her time getting ready for bed, her movements were slow and she had no energy left. Finally, she got into bed, quickly falling into a black pit of dreamless sleep._

 _A while later, she felt herself slip back into consciousness as she felt the space beside her on the mattress sink and the sheets she was lying under being ruffled. Her eyes fluttered open as she turned onto her other side to see who it was who had laid down next to her. Cara was not surprised to find it was Ben; his dark waves spreading out on the pillow beside her as his eyes regarded her sleepy expression._

" _What are you doing here?" She whispered, her voice full of sleep._

" _I didn't get the chance to see you today."_

" _That would not be the first time. What are you really doing here?"_

" _My father is leaving again. I heard them fighting."_

 _Even in her sleepy state, she knew that he was talking about his parents. She sighed, knowing how much his parents arguing affected him; especially since he was usually the topic of discussion._

" _I'm sorry."_

" _I know."_

 _She smiled, aware that he had not even realized that he had just used his father's own catchphrase._

 _He turned his head away from her and closed his eyes. She could see his chest rising and falling slowly, and she wondered if he was planning on sleeping here. A blush crept up her cheeks at the thought, and she could see a smile sneak onto his face. Suddenly, she became angry with him. Had he just been invading her thoughts? He had been practicing more and more but he had promised to never use his power on her._

" _Were you just listening to my thoughts?" She asked, her harsh tone making it hard for her to whisper._

" _No." He said, quite obviously lying to her._

" _Yes you were."_

" _Well, in case it makes you feel any better, I only do it when your thoughts seem to pertain to me."_

 _Her cheeks became more flushed, her anger and embarrassment betrayed through her skin even though her room was lit only by the light of the moon._

 _He turned onto his side to regard her, their faces only mere inches apart. She studied his expression, hoping to see some manner of awkwardness etched onto his handsome features. They had known each other for eleven years, and yet even after all that time he was still somewhat impossible to read._

" _So you decided to wake me up to tell me that you sometimes tend to invade my privacy?"_

 _A small chuckle escaped his lips, and she could not help but smile at the sound. It was rare that she saw him so defenceless. So open._

" _You know that is not why I woke you up."_

" _Then tell me why you did."_

 _He said nothing, shifting his body instead as though he was waiting for her to break the silence first. She did not comply though, and simply held her tongue, waiting for him to answer._

" _I just wanted to see you." He said, his reply barely audible. She would not have been able to hear him if he had not been so close._

" _Okay." She said, at a loss for words. Her mind was becoming muddled as she could feel the heat from his body warming her every limb._

 _Without another word, he closed his eyes, and she was about to do the same until she felt his hand cover hers – it was a strange sensation, a combination of the surprisingly cold feeling of his skin and the tingling she felt whenever they touched. She could feel the callouses that revealed just how hard he trained, the dry skin that showed her that he often forgot to take care of himself._

" _Glad I could help." She whispered, before falling back asleep._

 _When she woke up the next morning, neither of them had moved from their previous positions – the only change was that they had scooted even closer together, their foreheads resting against one another as the first rays of sunlight streamed in through her window._

* * *

Cara snapped out of her daydream, noticing that the friendly Stormtrooper was about to leave, his helmet covering his face one more.

"Could you help me with something?" She asked him quickly, and he turned to face her, shrugging his shoulders, demonstrating that he was somewhat interested in whatever it was she had to say.

"I need you to take me to Kylo Ren." She said, hoping that she would not scare him off.

"Are you – are you crazy? I can't just take you to him."

"I need you to take me to him."

"Why? Why would you voluntarily go see him?"

"Because I need to show him something."

* * *

A/N: A different time than I usually update, but I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and thank you for all your kind words about the last one!


	16. Chapter 16

"You need to show him something,'FN-2187 deadpanned, his disdain for her plan clear even though he was wearing his Stormtrooper helmet, 'What could you possibly have to show him?"

"A memory." She answered, as though that would make everything clear.

"A memory."

"Yes. Please, I just need you to take me to him. He doesn't even have to know it was you! I just need to be able to find him."

"And what do you hope to accomplish by showing him this memory?"

"I just – I need to tell him something. Through the memory." She knew that the soldier in front of her would have a hard time understanding her reasoning, but she needed to. Somehow, she knew that this was something she had to do. Even if the benefits from showing him this memory would only be reaped in the long run, she knew she had had to show him. Make Ben remember. Make him relive it.

"And you can't wait to do that until he comes to speak to you again?"

"How do you know he comes to speak to me?"

"I'm not blind; I saw the way he looked at you when I caught you wandering the halls. You are not just his prisoner, you are something more to him."

"Which is why I need to show him this memory."

Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for his answer. She desperately needed his help. She had no idea when Kylo, or Ben, would make his next appearance in her cell. She needed the Stormtrooper who had shown her kindness to show her kindness once more.

"Fine." He said. He wanted to help her. She was worthy of his help. She was one of the few people who had ever talked to him as though he was a real person. He was worried about the consequences, however. What if Captain Phasma found out that he had helped Master Ren's prisoner without any explicit orders?

"We need to be careful, though."

"Of course. I trust you." She barely knew the man who stood in front of her, but she realized that she honestly meant her words. She did trust him. She trusted him to help her. She trusted him to help her because she knew that he truly wanted to.

He grabbed her arm right over her wound. She flinched, and he quickly noticed, moving his hand to grab hers instead. It was strange, holding the Stormtroopers hand, but she knew that he was doing it because he realized she was in pain, and because he needed her to stay close to him as they snuck around the immensely large ship they were on. He led her into the hallway, and they turned right, trying to keep their footsteps as quiet as possible.

"What kind of ship are we on anyway?" Cara whispered, hoping the answer was not as dreadful as she believed it to be.

"We aren't on a ship. We're on a planet." He whispered back, hoping no one would hear them.

"What do you mean, a planet?" She asked, a nervous sweat breaking out over her skin; both at the thought of the desolate planet they must be on and at the thought of getting caught.

He did not answer her. Instead, he quickly led them around a corner, pushing her into a small control room. Before she could ask him what he was doing, she heard heavy footfalls coming around the bend in the hallway and she held her breath in fear that they would somehow hear her. They crouched down, quiet as could be, until the footsteps had faded into the distance. The Stormtrooper and Cara simultaneously let out a breath, looking at each other with nervous expressions on their faces.

"I think I should take you back to your room." FN-2187 whispered to her, breaking the silence as they stayed hidden, both of them too scared to move.

"No! Please, I promise, this is the only thing I will ask you to do for me."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"He used to be my friend. I miss him." She responded. She decided that he deserved to know the truth. He was risking a lot for her, after all.

"Oh." It was all he could think of to say. He had never really had a friend before. He wondered what it would be like to have one that would fight so desperately just to see him.

Suddenly, he stood up, holding out his hand for her to take. She smiled at him, thankful that he had once more changed his mind to help her.

They snuck back into the hallway, lucky enough not to run into any other altercations on their way to the bridge. FN-2187 told her that the Master of the Knights of Ren often wandered the hallways down there, looking for an excuse to yell at someone. It was a sad thing to hear. She could never imagine that Ben Solo would have done something like that. Only Kylo Ren would.

"I have to leave you here now. I can't risk getting caught by my captain."

"I understand." She said, as much as she did not want to understand. She was extremely grateful for all his help – she would never forget what he had done for her.

"Thank you, FN-2187." She said, once more.

He nodded his head towards her, and quickly turned towards the direction that they had come from. Before he was out of earshot, however, she said one more thing.

"We really need to find you a better name." She smiled to herself, knowing that he had heard her from the way his head turned slightly to look back at her. He nodded again, and after a few steps he was out of sight.

She decided to wait for Ben in the small storage room located next to the entrance to the bridge. It was the safest decision, and she would be able to see him coming from the small window embedded into the door.

It seemed to take hours, her heart practically jumping out of her chest every time she heard the door to the bridge slide open. She had almost decided to give up and just get caught when he finally stormed into the hallway, shouting at one of the lieutenants under General Hux's command. After a few steps he was alone, the frightened lieutenant having run back inside the bridge to get back to his control station. She opened the door, as quietly as she could so as not to alert anyone other than him of her presence. As soon as she stepped out into the corridor, he spun towards her, obviously having already sensed that she was there.

For a moment, he said nothing, and she almost thought that he would turn his back on her and keep walking away. Instead, he did the exact opposite, angrily stalking towards her only to end up pushing her back into the storage room she had hidden in and slamming the door behind him.

"What do you think you are doing here?" He practically hissed the words at her, the distorter from his mask making his words sound even more sinister. She almost regretted her decision to come here, but she pushed on, knowing that it was important. Knowing it was important to Ben Solo.

"Do you not want to know how I came here?" She asked, hoping to stall for time. Hoping he would calm down before she showed him the memory.

"No." He said, taking a step towards her, pushing her towards the wall.

"Ben, I came here to show you something."

"My name is not Ben. And you have nothing to show me that would be of interest to me."

"I need to show you a memory." She said, her voice shaking – it was hard when he treated her like this, even though she knew he would.

"I can look at your memories myself. I can invade your thoughts and make the pain almost unbearable for you. What memory could you possible want to show me that would be important enough to risk all of that? Why would you even want to?"

The threatening tone of his voice had become more inquisitive, as though he was genuinely curious to know what she could possibly hope to accomplish.

"It's a very specific memory. A memory of the two of us."

He said nothing, waiting for her to gather the courage to continue.

"I do not think you would want to see it if I did not show it to you." She said, taking a step towards him now, closing the distance between them.

"What will you do if I refuse to view the memory?"

"Then I will allow you to inflict whatever punishment it is you deem necessary for my escapade today."

He considered her terms, and she hoped that she had done enough to convince him. She did not know what else she could say – after all, the decision was completely in his hands.

Mercifully, he took another step closer to her, and she felt a shiver go up her spine and her heart rate rise with angst. It was another minute before he made another move, and she thought she would pass out from the pure tension in the room; from the tension between them. She concentrated on the memory that she wanted to show him, needing it at the forefront of her mind in case his curiosity got the best of him.

Without warning, he invaded her mind, and she cried out with pain, more so than she had ever felt before during this process. She was unable to catch herself before she fell to the floor and passed out, seeing only darkness underneath her eyelids.

* * *

 _She found him sat on the floor of their favourite storage room, as she had done hundreds of times before. Instead of playing with the replicas however, he just sat there, staring out in front of him, lost deep in his thoughts. She almost did not want to disturb him, worried that he would become livid with her. He had been much more aggressive lately, yelling at everyone who stood in his way._

 _She stood there for a while, thinking about what it was she could say that would not anger him. It was too late though, he had already sensed her presence, as only he could, and he looked up at her. His eyes were in a state she had never seen before. The rim of his eyes were dark red, his eyes bloodshot and cloudy with fatigue. His skin was paler than usual, and it looked as though he had not slept in days. Cara immediately reached out to him, practically falling to the floor to sit next to him, placing her hand on top of his in an attempt to comfort him. It seemed it was of no use though, he pushed her hand away as soon as their skin made contact._

" _Ben, please, tell me what's wrong! I've never seen you like this before."_

" _Does it scare you?" He said, his voice shaky and seemingly unpredictable. He had never spoken to her like that before._

" _You could never scare me." She said, and she meant every word. She just hoped that he could sense her sincerity through the crazed haze that had overcome him._

" _Is that truly what you believe?' he stood up, staring down at her, as though it made him stronger to see her more vulnerable. 'You've heard my parents speak of my power, you have seen how nervous they have become around me. My father has never left the base so often, showing his true cowardly nature. My own mother tends to avoid me. I scare them, I can frighten you too."_

 _She stood up to, trying to prove to him that she would not cower away from him._

" _Your mother is not avoiding you. You are the one who has been avoiding her! And your father loves you, in spite of what his actions seem to be telling you. You would do well to remember that you are lucky to have such wonderful, courageous parents. You know I wish I still had mine. You know it infuriates me when you speak of yours this way."_

" _Perhaps I like infuriating you." He smirked, and it was a menacing smile that she had never seen on his features before._

" _You do not. You are my friend."_

" _And what benefit has our friendship ever given me? You've distracted me from the power I wield. I need to learn how to use it. You stand in the way."_

" _No." She said, becoming angrier by the second. She could not believe that he was speaking to her this way._

" _No?" He said, a hint of malice in his question._

" _No. I will not have you speak to me like this. I am your friend, Ben Solo, as much as you may want to push me away right now. I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of treatment from you. I know that you know it is not fair. If you tell me what's bothering you, I will try to help, as I always do. This person standing in front of me now, wild hair and crazy eyes, is not the person that I rely on most in this galaxy. Until that person comes back, I need you to stay away from me."_

 _She pushed past him, and ran into the hall. She needed to get away from this person she barely recognized, this person that wore her best friend's face but other than that bore no resemblance to him. She did not get very far however, he was the faster runner, and he caught up to her easily, roughly grabbing a hold of her shoulder and turning her back to him._

" _Let go of me." Cara said, trying to muster as much authority into her voice as she could. She needed to get away from him._

" _Do you really want to know what is wrong with me?"_

 _Her features relaxed as she once more looked at his face. The crazed look in his eyes was still there, but it was being softened by a sudden despair that made his lip tremble as he looked into her eyes. She nodded, encouraging him to continue. She had not forgiven him yet for treating her so viciously._

" _I had a dream last night."_

" _Go on."_

" _It was about you."_

 _She swallowed visibly, somehow frightened of what he was about to tell her._

" _I dreamt about you. It's not the first time. I dream about you a lot. I dream about things that have already happened to us, and I dream about things that we could do together. I dream about seeing you in a different light – something that neither of us are used to, and I've dreamed about what my life would be like without you, which was awful enough, in and of itself."_

 _His words made her skin tingle, words she had never known she had needed to hear until just then. She needed to know that he was capable of seeing her in a different light. More than friends, perhaps. More than family._

 _His lip trembled again, and she held her breath in anticipation of what he was going to say next._

" _Last night, I was angry with my parents; angry with my father and mother for once more talking about me as though they did not know that I was listening, as though I did not know what they thought about me every time they so much as glanced at me. I let that anger seep into my dream, Cara. The anger I felt towards my parents followed me into my sleep and I let it affect my view of you. I dreamt that I hated you, that I hated how forgiving you made me. I dreamt that I had great power, and that I knew how to control it, how to wield it, and that I liked how it made me feel. It made me feel strong, invincible. It made me feel as though I did not need you in my life anymore. That you had ruined who I was supposed to be. It made me feel as though I needed to get rid of you somehow. I did not need you anymore, Cara – I – I don't know what came over me."_

 _She wished she could say something to make him feel better, anything to let the desperate look in his eyes soften once more to the friendly and inquisitive brown orbs that had looked at her so many times. She did not know what to say, however. She had no idea how to respond._

" _I hurt you Cara,' he continued, oblivious to her lack of response, 'I hurt you. I hurt you and it was as though I enjoyed it, I enjoyed wielding this power that I have within me; but at the same time, I could feel that I was struggling – I screamed at myself to stop, but I could not. It was as though you were everything that was wrong with this world and I had to eradicate it. But I could never do that to you! Cara, please, you have to understand, I could never do that to you."_

 _She finally found her voice again, and it sounded small in comparison to his desperate pleas towards her._

" _Why did you try to push me away then, just now? What good would it do you to make me feel as though you hated me? If it was something you truly did not want in this dream of yours."_

" _It was not a dream, Cara, it was a nightmare. A nightmare I hope I never have to relive again. I hurt you, I can't – I can't hurt you. Not you."_

 _Her heart seemed to clench in her chest, she had never seen him struggle so enormously before. It frightened her though; he was normally so in control of who he was. He was temperamental, sure, but he was temperamental for a reason. A reason that he himself, understood. He did not seem to understand anymore. He seemed to be completely lost._

" _I do not want to hear any more about this nightmare of yours. I need to know that that is not who you are."_

" _Please, Cara, you know that is not who I am. I need you, more than any one. Just as you need me. Please, Cara, Cara, I need you to believe me. Of all people, I need you to believe me."_

 _He had never uttered her name so many times before, and she liked the way it sounded whenever he spoke it. His hand was still on her shoulder, though his grip had loosened immensely, and he let his hand slide down her arm and into the grip of her hand, where he squeezed it so tightly it actually hurt._

 _She did not mention the nightmare anymore, as much as it scared her. He was at war with himself, a war that she knew could only be won if he learned to hone his affinity with The Force. It was a war that would only be won by the Light if he knew how to direct his energy. She knew that she was keeping him here, indirectly. His mother had already suggest numerous times that he leave, and he had refused every instance. He had refused because she had never truly told him that it was okay for him to leave._

" _You need to go train with your uncle." She said, her voice barely above a whisper as she squeezed his hand in return._

" _What? No, I cannot leave you here."_

" _Yes, yes, you can! I've told you that I will be okay. I've told you that we will still be friends by the time you get back. I've told you that I know that you are strong enough for this. You need to go. You need to fight this war that you are having within yourself."_

" _I am not at war with myself."_

" _Yes, you are. Somehow, darkness is festering inside you. I need you to fight it, and your uncle will help you. I know you can do this, Ben. I know you can."_

 _She could see moisture form in his eyes, and she needed to keep strong for him. In that moment, she was the stronger of the two – the only one who could clearly see what was happening right in front of them._

" _You need me." He said, a statement of fact which was true._

" _Yes, and you need me too."_

 _He was silent for another minute, and all that she could hear was the buzzing of the emergency lights in the room they were stood in._

" _More than you know." He whispered, as he stroked his thumb against the flat of her hand, his touch making her feel comforted and oversensitive at the same time._

* * *

It was the worst memory she had of him. It made her feel weak and it made her remember how scared she had been of him at the time. It had transpired a few weeks before the decision was made that he was leaving. Three months before he had kissed her and she had never seen him again, until now.

She hoped that the memory would remind him just how long he had been struggling, show him that what he struggled with now, an obvious pull to the light, was a struggle that he would only overcome if he let someone in to help him. She wanted to be that person for him. She needed to be that person for him.

She opened her eyes, placing her hand against her forehead where a throbbing pain was just starting to subside. She was back in her cell, back on her bench, and as she realized that she had no idea how Ben had reacted to the memory of one of his most fragile moments she let herself cry for the first time since he had brought her here.

* * *

A/N: This update took a little longer than usual, and I apologize for that! In any case, this was really interesting to write, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it. Any reviews are always welcome and thank you for following this story!


	17. Chapter 17

It had been a few days since she had seen Ben, Kylo Ren. It had been a few days since she had attempted to show him how vulnerable he was, how vulnerable he had been in the past. It had been a few days since she had cried at his expense.

On the one hand, she thought that the reason for his absence could be because he was confused about himself – about who he was, and what he was working towards. On the other hand, it could just be because he was furious with her, and he wanted her to stew in her own misery. Considering her current predicament, she was willing to bet it was the second option.

All she wanted was to see him. She wanted to know the degree to which she had caused damage to their relationship, or whatever it was that they had at the moment. She needed to know if it was repairable. If it was not, she could finally move on. Somehow.

She could barely keep still, she could barely sleep. She paced around her small cell all day, the damage to her walls only reminding her more of the reason she was there, of everything she had said to him, of everything he had said to her. Everything he had done to her.

As she paced her room and did not sleep, she sometimes thought about FN-2187 as well. On a ship – or a planet, as he had called it – where there was so much anger, darkness, and hatred, it was surprising to find someone who treated her so well. Someone who treated her with such kindness. All she wanted was to return the favour. She would find a way, somehow. There would come a time when she would need to escape. Whether it would be with Ben Solo was still a question that needed to be answered.

She had ceased looking out her small window and into the galaxy to count the stars, instead favouring to look out of the window embedded into her cell door. She had seen countless Stormtroopers walking past, lieutenants being yelled at by General Hux, the shiny and chrome Captain Phasma ordering her soldiers to do her bidding. She had even seen Kylo Ren walk past a few times. She had hoped that he would at least turn and look into her window, or even just pause at her door. He never did, however. He always kept on walking. Where he was going, she did not know. She wished she knew.

After another night of minimal sleep, the first sign of footsteps outside her door had her jumping off of her bench and peering out through the glass into the hallway. It was never who she hoped for though. The few times she had seen him had been completely dwarfed by the number of times it had been someone else. She still held hope, though. She knew that he would come see her eventually.

Apparently, that day was sooner than she thought. She had been standing at her door for what felt like hours, her forehead resting against the cool metal that held her prisoner, when suddenly, the light was blocked from her sight and she had to take a step back to see what had caused it. She sucked in a breath when she saw the familiar formidable mask staring back at her through the small window. She took another step back, anxiously waiting for him to come inside. Instead, he remained exactly where he was, seemingly having no interest in coming any closer to her.

"You have not been sleeping." He said, his voice muffled through the distorter of his mask and the thick door between them.

"No."

"Would your insomnia have anything to do with your little stunt the other day?" He asked, an angry tremor apparent in his voice that could even be heard through the barriers between them.

"Stunt? It was not a stunt. I was trying to show you who you really are."

"Failure is not an easy thing for you to admit, then."

"I don't think it was a failure. You could have refused to view the memory. Instead, you chose to enter my mind once more. You were curious. Your curious nature has always been a flaw of yours."

"Some would say curiosity is the catalyst for power."

"And some would say curiosity is what ultimately destroys a man." She countered.

She could tell that he was tensing up once more, as he placed his hands on either side of the door before he uttered his next few words.

"And some others would say that having the audacity to believe that they can change something that has already been set into motion is absurd and childish."

She knew that this was a desperate attempt on his behalf to get her to stop trying – to stop her trying to revert him back to the light, to stop her reminding him who he was. If he wanted that, than he should just let her go right then.

"If you did not want me to fight for you, you should never have brought me on board."

"I never asked you to fight for me." He said, as a small sliver of Ben slipped through the cracks in his voice.

"You didn't have to." She whispered, and for a second she thought he may not have heard her, but as his head tilted down and his hands slipped from the door she could tell that he had heard every single word.

"It makes no difference. The Darkness calls to me, makes me stronger. It is my birth right."

She scoffed, and his head snapped up at the sound, as though he was genuinely surprised to hear it.

"Your birth right? You may be the grandson of Darth Vader, but you are the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo. Your birth right stems from their acts of courage and heroism, not your grandfather's cowardly acts of evil."

"Your words have no effect on me." He said, fury once more invading the tone of his voice. She was angering him, but she did not care. It was the only time she could get a true reaction from him.

"If that were true you would not still be standing here."

He was silent, as though he was trying to gather his composure before he spoke again.

"Tell me what you feel for me."

She was taken aback at his words, and had no idea how to respond. She knew the answer, she just did not want to admit it to herself.

"I don't know."

"You are lying to me, Cara Nova."

She knew that he was taunting her, throwing back her own retorts to his obvious lies in her face. She could always tell when he was lying. It seemed he could still tell whenever she was lying too.

"Does it matter what I feel for you?"

"It might."

"In what way?"

"It will make it easier for me to dismiss you as nothing but nuisance."

"You are lying to me, Ben Solo."

It did not matter that he was standing on the opposite side of the door. It did not matter that he was trying to pull away from her once more, putting a useless distance between them that would not protect him from the truth of her words. It did not matter. He always came back.

"And what makes you think I am lying?"

"You always come back." She repeated her thoughts, completely feeling the truth of them within every fibre of her being. He kept coming back. No matter how angry she made him, no matter how much she confused him or how much he hurt her. He kept coming back to see her. That was all she needed to know, that there was still a part of him in there that needed her now as much as he needed her when they were younger.

"You think I do that for your benefit?" He asked, turning his head away from the window but still standing close enough to the door to hear her response.

"No, I think you do that for your own."

"Then perhaps I should stop coming to see you." He said, obviously trying to deny the truth of her words.

"You can try." Her own response surprised her; their conversation was making her feel bolder than usual.

"What is it you hope to accomplish by antagonizing me?" He asked, even though he most definitely already knew what her reply would be.

"I will not answer that question, because you already know the answer."

"You are infuriatingly optimistic."

"That used to be something you liked about me."

"Things have changed a lot since then."

There it was, another admission that they had a past together, a relationship together. Every time he acknowledged just how well he knew her she could feel her heart rate rising.

He said nothing for a while, and she sat down on the floor opposite the door, waiting for him to say something.

"You will not see me for a while."

Those were not the words she had expected to hear. "What – what are you talking about?"

"You will not see me for a while." He repeated, as though she was a child that needed to be told everything twice. His small moment of fragility had once more been replaced by Kylo Ren's intimidating demeanour.

"Where will you go?"

"That is none of your concern."

She said nothing, trying to grasp the implications of his words. She had no idea how long he would be gone for, how long it would take him to forget everything that she had shown him and everything he had found within her mind. She had no idea how long it would be before he completely lost everything that made him Ben Solo, and if she would be there in time to bring it back. She had no idea how long she would have to miss seeing the only familiar face she truly knew aboard this ship, so she said the only thing she could think of to say in that moment.

"Then I will be waiting for you when you get back."

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's getting harder for me to know where exactly I want to take this story, which is why the updates are taking a day or so longer than they did in the beginning. I promise to keep updating regularly though and any feedback is always appreciated, because it really does help me write!


	18. Chapter 18

Cara had not thought it would be this hard to know he was gone. He had left her alone for days at a time before – and she would feel a burning desire to see him, even if it was just to know that he was still there. Now, though, she knew that he was gone, and she had no hope that she would see him for a while. She knew that he was off somewhere, in the galaxy, without her. Off on some planet that they had promised to explore together, no doubt. Performing unspeakable acts that he would never tell her about just so that she would be able to deny them. Just so that he could continue to get under her skin.

She knew that Kylo Ren was still manipulating her, just as much as she was manipulating him. She realized that he thought she was some sort of means to an end – to what end, she did not know. She realized that she was getting under his skin, as well, as much as he may refute that fact. The more she seemed to get through to him however, the harder he pushed back. It was a frustrating cycle, one that did not seem to have any sort of happy ending in store. The worst part was that Cara knew that she would never be able to forget about him now. If she ever escaped, if she ever got rescued, she would never be able to forget. She would never be able to forget the angry glaze in his eyes, the way he trembled when he was livid, the way he shouted at his underlings or the way he had hurt her physically. She would never forget, and yet she would never be able to forgive herself if she left him in the state he was in.

He knew this, of course. She knew that he knew this. It was infuriating, because she knew that he would use her unwillingness to forgive herself against her someday. It was infuriating because she knew Kylo Ren would be capable of doing so. It was even more infuriating because she knew Ben Solo had sometimes preyed on her good nature to get his way as well – even if it was in a much less sinister manner.

Her head hurt. She was sleeping too much to pass the time and eating too little because it was easy to forget. Whenever she was awake, all she could think about was what she would say the next time she saw him. How she would feel. What she would do. He made her unpredictable. He had done so when they were children, and he still had that effect on her now.

There was no position in which she was comfortable. Every bone in her body ached, every muscle was stiff, until she finally gave up sitting on her small bench and opted to lie down on the cold metal floor instead. There was nothing she could do now. All she had was waiting. Waiting for a man she knew wholeheartedly and yet barely seemed to know at all to come see her.

Her door opened, and she did not even bother looking up to see who had come in. It dawned on her that it was an irregular time for a visitor, however. She had just been served another meagre meal a little while ago. Whoever it was, she would not give them the satisfaction of her curiosity.

"General Hux would like a word." It was the now familiar distorted voice of a Stormtroopers helmet, and yet it did not belong to the only other person on this ship – planet – that she would want to see.

"If he wants to see me, nobody is stopping him." She said, somehow retaining hope that this soldier would just leave her be.

"He would like to see you somewhere that is a little less destroyed."

She could tell that the Stormtrooper was repeating his General's words – they sounded like the kind of sarcastic, irritating remark that Hux would make. The kind of words that made her skin crawl.

"He would like to see me now that he knows Kylo Ren will not come in to stop him."

The Stormtrooper grabbed her forcefully by her arm and hauled her on her feet. She gave no resistance, but she gave no assistance either. Her body was as limp as it could possibly be. He dragged her by her feet out the door, pushing her to walk faster as he led her down the same way that FN-2187 had shown her when he had taken her to the bridge. She could feel her heart rate rising, nerves suddenly setting in as she realized the truth of her own words. Kylo Ren would not be there to stop him now. Ben would not be there to stop Hux from hurting her.

The Stormtrooper stopped abruptly, hauling open a door and shoving her inside. The room was dark, the only light coming from the switches on the control panels in the corner of the room. There was no small window in the door, nor one that gave her a glimpse outside to the stars – not like in her cell – and she briefly wondered why Kylo Ren had not just locked her in here. If he truly hated her, he should have. She would have gone mad if she had to have been locked away in such constant darkness.

"I thought you would enjoy a change of scenery." Hux's voice was already familiar to her, even though she had really only heard it twice. It was the type of voice you would not soon forget. The type of voice that was constantly laced with a tremor of anger and a hint of malevolence.

"You thought wrong." She was not lying – she would much rather be lying on the cold floor of her cell than squinting at him through the darkness. His pale skin was almost luminescent in the dark room – a ghostly shade of white that made him look even more sinister that usual.

"Kylo Ren is not here to protect you now."

"I am aware."

"And yet you do not seem to be worried."

"Perhaps you do not frighten me as much as you'd like to think."

He scoffed, as though he had never heard anything less believable in his entire life. She truly hated this man – she felt no remorse for him at this moment.

"It would seem you have gotten rather adept at lying since the last time we spoke." He said.

"Or it is just easier to speak the truth around you."

"Are there people on this ship that it is not easy for you to speak the truth around?"

She knew what he was getting at. It was the only reason he seemed to be interested in her. Her relationship with Ben – her acquaintance with Kylo Ren.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Yes, I would,' he stepped closer to her, and she could now see how his lips were pulled into a tight line and that his eyes were darker than she remembered, 'You see, I know that you are vital. Vital to the success of the First Order. Vital to the success of Kylo Ren working on the orders of Supreme Leader Snoke. Vital to the completion of his training, somehow. And yet, as vital as you seem to be, you also seem to be standing in the way. You are holding him back. You are important to him. Important to him as an individual, not as part of a greater scheme."

She listened intently, hoping that he would say something that would give her an extra clue as to how Ben, or Kylo Ren, viewed her. She needed to know.

"Your point being?" She asked, trying to hide her interest. She did not want to give him a reason to keep her here longer than necessary.

"My point, you insolent girl, is that I have a dilemma. As much as I would like to get rid of you, and believe me, I would – I cannot; because it would mean that Kylo Ren would become distracted by the thought of you and how you were faring." He spat this last sentence, disgust obvious in his tone of voice. "Which is why I need you to do me a favour."

"There is no favour in this galaxy you could ask me for that I would comply with."

"Now, I know that is not true. I truly believe that you would do anything for this man. This man you somehow believe him to be."

"I do not believe him to be anybody." She could feel her voice getting softer as she said so.

"Ah, there it is. The side of you that is terrible at lying. Of course you believe him to be somebody. If not, you would have attempted to escape much more fervently, as futile as those attempts may have been. You care for him. I am not blind."

"Who is this Supreme Leader Snoke I have heard you speak of?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject. She was not able to control her emotions when it came to talking about Ben.

"Do not try and thwart me, there is no use. You are not a part of the Resistance – if you had, the Master of the Knights of Ren would have found it by now, and he would have reported it immediately. It would have given him a proper reason to keep you prisoner."

"Then what is it you want from me?"

"I want you to push him to the Dark side. I want you to pull out any and all hope from under him – leave him to crumble to dust, to turn to despair, and fully become who Supreme Leader Snoke believes he can be. If you do this, then I will make you an offer. If you succeed, if you succeed in truly separating him from whatever it is that attracts him towards you, I will set you free. I will allow you to return to Jakku, unharmed, and resume the miserable life you undoubtedly led on that wretched planet."

She sucked in a breath, not daring to respond. She did not trust herself to respond. There was no way that she could push Ben to the Dark Side. There was no way she could do that to him, do that to herself, do that to his parents, who still loved him, who still missed him. She swallowed her fears, instead asking the only question she truly needed answered at the moment.

"When will he be coming back?"

Hux ignored her question, obviously knowing that it would drive her insane.

"I will allow you to think about my offer. I understand it may take a while. I also hope you understand that you do not really have any other options."

She knew that it would be her only chance to escape. She could not give up on Ben, however. He was still in there, somewhere. She saw it whenever he stepped closer to her when it was unnecessary, she saw it whenever he came to speak to her without his helmet on, she saw it whenever he acknowledged that they had a past together, and she saw it when he had told her that he would be gone for a while. He had no reason to tell her, other than that he may have wanted too. Other than that he wanted her to know where he was, the same way Ben used to do whenever they would not see each other for a few days.

"What will happen if I refuse to comply?"

"You will find out soon enough."


	19. Chapter 19

" _What do you mean, you're leaving?"_

 _Cara had just made her first and only friend on the base on D'Qar. It still did not feel like home. Ben was the only person that made her smile any more. Even her parents had seemed to forget how to talk to her. She barely saw them anyway, they were always working._

" _My dad is taking me with him on the Millennium Falcon! He's going to show me the galaxy." He grinned, and she was happy for him – but she could not help the sinking feeling that somehow he was abandoning her. She was jealous of his father. It was ludicrous, even her six-year old self knew this, but that was just how she felt. She could not help it._

" _What am I going to do by myself for a whole week?"_

" _It's only a week, Cara! You can explore the base more – and then you can show me all the cool stuff you've found!"_

 _She was scared to explore the base on her own. She was not as adventurous as Ben, and she feared she never would be. Not unless he went with her. He knew that. He knew that she was frightened. Shadows made her jump and noises made her yelp. Whenever she started to tremble, he would grab her hand and lead her further down another corridor, determined to get her over her fear. She felt it was useless. He did not. Her first day on the base, the first day they had met – it was the only time she had gone off to wander on her own. Apparently, she needed a strong enough motive to want to prove a point to her parents to overcome her fears. Nowadays, she needed Ben._

" _A lot can happen in a week." She said – anything to get him to change his mind._

" _I think you'll be okay." She knew how badly he wanted to go on this trip. It was all he had talked about since the day they met. His father, the adventurous voyager, the courageous hero. He adored his father, as a child should._

" _How about I let you borrow my replicas? You can play with them all week! And then when I get back, you can tell me all the new stories you made up. You're much better at inventing stories than I am anyway."_

 _It was true – he loved her stories. She was thankful that there was at least one thing that she was better at than him – she felt their friendship would be terribly unbalanced if she was not. She felt an enormous sense of pride whenever he asked her to tell him another story – a story of brave warriors and princess that were off saving the galaxy. He said it reminded him of his mother and father. It reminded her of her own parents, too – they were always out exploring the galaxy, flying further into the universe than Cara would ever dare; so she made up stories to satisfy her own thirst for knowledge. It was safer, and easier._

" _I guess." She said, lowering her gaze to the floor. She did not know what to say to him anymore. Nothing was going to change his mind. In the two short months that she had known him – and it already felt like a lifetime – she had found out just how stubborn he was. How much pride he had. How cunning he was, and how inquisitive. She could not stop him from going on this trip. Deep down, she knew she did not want to, anyway. Not anymore._

" _I'm going to promise you something." He said, making her look up at him once more._

" _What?"_

" _One day, you are going to get over your fear of the dark, and the galaxy, and we're going to explore it together. It'll be so much fun! We can map out our entire journey, and we can visit places I know my dad's been. We can even visit places I know he hasn't been, and then we can rub it in his face that he hasn't seen them yet!"_

" _And what if I'm still too scared?"_

" _You won't have to be. I'll be there with you."_

" _You promise?"_

" _I promise. Besides, it's not like you'll ever go off without me anyway." He grinned, clearly teasing her. She was having none of it however, and huffed, turning her back on him in the process._

" _I don't need you." She said rather indignantly._

" _We both know that's not true. I'm the only friend you've got!"_

" _And I'm the only friend you've got, Ben Solo. You need me too, so you best not annoy me."_

 _She stayed quiet, waiting for him to throw a retort back in his face, but he did not. He knew her words were true, just as she knew that his words were true. They were each other's only friends. There were not a lot of other kids around to befriend. They needed each other._

" _Come with me to my room, and I'll give you some of my replicas."_

 _He grabbed her hand, and led her up to his room. She had not been up there yet. She was curious to see what kind of treasures he was hiding in there._

 _She gasped when he led her into his room – he had so many drawings hanging on his walls, and even more replicas in his room than she knew what to do with. She had no doubt that he had put some of them together on his own, and she would have a hard time choosing which ones she would borrow for the week. On the other side of the room, an entire bookcase was filled to the brim with books – books he could undoubtedly not yet fully understand, but he could look at the diagrams, and the illustrations, and imagine it was him writing one of those books about his own great adventures. About his own history. It suddenly dawned on her why he liked her stories so much – they could tide him over until he had stories to tell of his own._

" _Wow, your room is just like the storage room we found the first day we met!" She exclaimed, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things in his relatively small room. She was happy to see it, though. She felt like she was getting to know him a little better this way._

" _I leave tomorrow, so you'll have to pick the stuff you want today. You can take some of the books too, if you want. There's some great pictures in them."_

 _She did not need to say thank you, he already knew she was thankful. It would tide her over until she got back. He felt slightly guilty at the prospect of leaving her, and sad too. Even if it was only for a week, he would miss her._

" _Okay." She whispered, barely listening to him anymore as she browsed the rows of book that lined his shelves. There was one that stood out to her on the top shelf– an enormously thick volume that had a beautiful illustration on the spine. She pulled it out, and it was heavier than she thought. She stumbled backwards a little bit, but he caught her, his hand on her back as he helped her lift the book off the shelf. The cover illustration was beautiful too – it looked like a desert planet – lonely and desolate, but somehow comforting. She laid it down on his bed and quickly flicked through the pages. There were more than enough drawings and pictures to fuel her imagination. She would have an entirely new collection of stories to tell him when he got back._

" _Can I take this one?" She asked, rather tentatively. Something about this book seemed precious to him – it was in much better condition than any of the others._

" _Of course! That one is my favourite."_

 _She smiled at him, showing him just how grateful she was. He smiled back at her, happy that she finally seemed to be okay with him leaving._

 _They had left the door to his room slightly ajar, and in the distance, Cara could suddenly hear her mother calling for her. She did not want to leave yet – he was leaving tomorrow, and she would not see him for an entire week. He sensed her hesitation, and he was glad, because he did not want her to leave either. Not yet, anyway._

" _Will you tell me one more story before I go?" He asked, desperately hoping she would say yes._

" _Well, only if you really want me to." She teased, just like he had teased her a few moments ago._

" _Cara, come on, you know I really want you to." He playfully pushed her arm, trying to show him just how curious he was about her imagination. He found it fascinating, how she could just conjure up stories out of nowhere. He was always better at dealing with facts._

" _Okay, if you insist."_

 _They both sat down on his bed, cross-legged and facing each other, as she told him another wondrous story that took place a long time ago – a story of a friendship being formed in battle, that lasted for as long as both the characters lived._

* * *

There was a knock on her door as she once more laid down on the floor, reminiscing about times gone by. Reliving the past was all she could do to stop herself from losing her mind.

The knock was sharp; it was not the knock of a bored Stormtrooper come to bring her a meal. She sat up, suddenly alert, waiting for whoever it was to let themselves in. She could hardly believe that it was yet another summoning to come see General Hux – he had made his threats to her quite clear just a mere few days ago.

As predicted, a Stormtrooper walked in, but thankfully, it was the only one she wanted to see. FN-2187 quickly took off his helmet, his friendly face instantly making her feel more at ease, and she noticed he was carrying something under one arm. Before she could question him about the mysterious object, however, he had already started the conversation.

"I heard General Hux asked you to see him a few days ago."

"Yes, he did. How do you know that?"

"I heard a few of the officers talking. They say he's been acting irrationally out of character the past few weeks."

"And I guess they think that has something to do with me?"

"I don't know what it is they are thinking, but I know what it is I'm thinking. What did he say to you?"

"He threatened me again. He wanted to know what Kylo Ren means to me."

"So did you tell him?"

"No – I can't. I myself don't even know what he means to me. Not right now, anyway."

He stayed silent for a moment. Looking down at the object under his arm as though pondering whether or not to tell her about it. She decided not to give him a choice, and asked him about it point blank.

"What are you carrying?"

"Well – I – I think it may help you figure out what he means to you."

"You mean Kylo Ren? How?"

"He told me to give it to you."

"You, specifically? Why?"

He took a few strides towards her and lowered his voice as though he was worried someone was listening. It was impossible though – the door had slammed shut a mere few seconds after he had entered.

"I'm pretty sure he knows I'm the one who helped you get to the bridge."

The colour drained from her face at the thought. She was suddenly so worried that she had put him in danger. She reprimanded herself for asking him for such a huge favour – she should have known what the consequences would be.

"No – No. It's okay. I actually don't think he was mad." He responded, obviously in reaction to the horrified look on her face.

His statement confused her. How could Ben – Kylo, not have been mad at the Stormtrooper stood in front of her? He had seemed so distant and frankly, disgusted after she had shown him that last memory – a memory which only served to show him how vulnerable he could truly be. Why would he even ask FN-2187 to deliver something to her?

"What is it?"

"He said you would know."

He handed her the heavy object, and the weight was surprisingly familiar in her hands. She turned it over, and gasped, recognizing the book with the beautiful cover illustration she now held right away. It was the same one from the memory she had just been thinking about – the one that had opened her mind to so many stories, the one he had confessed to her had been his favourite. Once, when they were eight years old, he had told her that he had misplaced it. He had been so upset with himself that he had refused to see her for a few days, before she somehow finally convinced him to come out of his room. Evidently, he had found it sometime later, and kept it all these years. Now, suddenly, he was giving it to her? She did not know what to feel. She did not know what to say in reaction to the inquisitive eyes of the friendly Stormtrooper staring at her. She was confused, emotional, and distraught. It was as though he had known that she would think of that memory, on this particular day. How, she did not know. There were stranger things in the universe though – and he had always known her so well. He knew her better than he knew himself. In that moment, she was only sure of one thing.

All she knew was that she wanted to see Ben Solo again.

* * *

A/N: As always, I hope you enjoy, and thanks to all the new people that have followed and favourited! Reviews and feedback are always welcome :)


	20. Chapter 20

He still had not returned. She felt as though she would lose her mind; she really needed to ask Ben, Kylo – whoever he would be at that moment – what he meant by giving her the book. It was another mystery that she needed to solve. At the moment, there were so many, she did not even know where to begin.

She needed to know what he was trying to tell her by giving her this book, what he had thought about whenever he looked at it all those years that they had not seen each other. She needed to know where he was right now, what he was doing, who he was hurting. She needed to know what he had done in the past, who had manipulated him into becoming this shadow of his former self. She needed to know what he thought of her, and who she was now. Had he even thought about it in the past? Is that why he brought her here?

All those questions were burned into her mind, and they were almost all she could think about. She needed answers, or she was worried that she would lose her sanity. So much confusion and possible anguish could not be healthy for a person.

A few rare visits from FN-2187 made the days go by a little quicker. He would come by to see how far she had gotten through the book, and sometimes he would bring by a meal that did not taste as though it was made of cardboard. She trusted him, and aside from Ben, he was probably the only friend she had honestly ever made. They never really laughed together, though. Both of them still had too much to lose, and too much to gain. She was constantly worried that he would be caught trying to help her. He had tried to put her mind at ease by insisting that it did not matter if he got caught – she was Kylo Ren's prisoner, and Ren was the only one who could truly reprimand him if he did not want FN-2187 to see her. It did not help, however. She had seen first-hand what General Hux was capable of, how much he seemed to loathe her. She felt he would not be so lax in his punishment if he knew that one of his own Stormtroopers was treating her with such kindness. It was just another reason to want Kylo – Ben, back on base. He was the only one she trusted to keep Hux away from her, from both of them.

She counted the days by counting her meals – three meagre meals meant another day had gone by. So far, she had counted 63 meals; three weeks had passed since she had last seen him. Counting the stars was not working anymore, and she was trying to spare herself from reading too quickly. As much as she loved this book, this enormous tomb of histories and stories of people she had never heard of and would never meet, she needed to be able to enjoy it for as long as possible. She had no idea when he would come back. Whenever she read it, it made her forget about her current worries. It just made her remember all the stories she had told him, and how much she had enjoyed using her imagination.

Reading the book had made her imagination come to life once more. Her dull and simple life on Jakku had made her forget what kind of adventures were out there waiting for her, for anyone. What kind of adventures she could dream up to make her own life seem a little less slow and anxiety ridden.

When she was younger, she had often imagined herself becoming one of the many brave women she read about in Ben's books. She had revered his mother as well – she had always seemed so strong, so sure of herself; and yet so full of love for her husband, her brother, and her son. She had talked about it with him often; how she wanted to be brave enough to explore the galaxy and fight for what she believed in just like her own mother had, just like his mother did. She had always deemed herself as being too frightened, though. Ben was the one who had made her feel differently. _"I'll be there with you,"_ he had said. At the time, she was incapable of realizing just how much she needed that statement to be true.

Cara had begun reading the book once more to pass the time, a glorious tale of a female pilot that had fought bravely against the Empire in the name of the Resistance; many years before Luke Skywalker discovered his powers and destroyed the Death Star. There were times when she was younger when Cara had thought about becoming a pilot – but the minute she had her first foray on a ship with Han Solo and Ben after her parents had passed, she had immediately given up on the idea. She was happy to fly together with Ben wherever he wanted to take her, but she was happier with the idea of being able to help the people they would come across on their many planned journeys together – the very reason she had trained to become a medical officer.

"I see you've received my gift."

She had not even heard him come in the door. Either his footsteps had become a lot softer, or she had been so engrossed in the story she was reading she had failed to hear him set foot inside her cell. She was so surprised, she did not even know what to say to him. The blood started pounding in her ears as she looked up at him from her spot on the floor, elated to see that he had neglected to wear his helmet in coming to see her.

"Apparently it has had more of an emotional effect on you that I had originally anticipated." He said, an infuriating tone of supremacy woven throughout his words.

"Where – where have you been?" She asked, clutching the book to her chest as she stood to face him.

"That is none of your concern."

"Then why did you tell me you were leaving?"

As soon as she had asked the question, she heard the sound of heavy footfalls outside her door – Stormtroopers were passing outside in the hallway. Amongst the clicking of their armour and the sound of their footsteps she heard another sound that made her skin grow cold; she heard the sound of a man struggling, a man threatening his captors to release him, a man desperate to get out of the situation he was currently in. She recognized the sound because she had uttered it herself not all too long ago. Her eyes grew wide as she realized the First Order, or perhaps, Kylo alone, had taken another captive on board. She was no longer alone in her situation. The thought made her heart sink and bile rise in her throat.

"What have you done? Who have you taken?" She asked, a hint of panic in her voice. She could not keep her emotions under control. The thought of somebody going through the same torturous process as she once had made a shiver run her spine.

"It does not concern you." He repeated, obviously already over this topic of conversation.

"Of course it does! If I can hear him scream right outside in the hallway, it concerns me."

"He has information about the motives of the Resistance. We need to retrieve it from him."

"Is this another person you knew in a past life and have now decided to capture for your own malicious intent?"

As happy as she had been to see him a few minutes ago, as angry as she was to be standing in front of him now. She was thankful for the reminder of what he was capable of. She needed to remember that he was still drawn to the Dark Side, even if she sometimes saw the light in him.

"No, I have reserved that honour for you, and you alone." He said, smirking at her obvious distaste for his actions.

"Do not mock me right now, Ben Solo."

"I would like to know what it is you thought of my gift." He said, clearly trying to change the subject. She noticed that he did not mention his revulsion at his birth name; normally he would have angrily told her that that was not his name, not anymore.

She could hardly deny that she had enjoyed it – he had caught her engrossed with reading it as he had walked in. She was still curious as to why he was so anxious to know what she thought of it. She decided to ask him a question instead; she felt he did not deserve to have his own curiosity satisfied right now.

"Why did you keep it all this time?"

"History is a just another manner in which to educate yourself. That particular book has one of the best records of history that we know of." He said.

"You cannot stand there and tell me the only reason you kept this is for education. It means something to you, the same way it did back then. This was your favourite, Ben! You can't tell me that it does not remind you of who you used to be."

"If it did, I would not have kept it."

"Once again, it seems you're lying to me." She said.

The snide smirk fell off his face as he regarded her hardened stare. She was sick and tired of being lied to by him. She was sick of hearing him deny who he really was, where he came from. She was sick of him denying that she used to mean something to him. Spending time away from him had given her the time to get her thoughts straight regarding her situation. She knew better now.

"Do you remember when I used to tell you stories?" She continued, challenging him to interrupt her.

"I told you stories because you asked me to. You were fascinated by them. You allowed me to borrow this book because I once told you that it was an incredible source of inspiration. So yes, I agree, this is a wonderful tool for education. But that is not what it stands for. Not between us."

He said nothing, seemingly rooted in place as she continued her monologue. She wondered if three weeks of not seeing her, had reverted him back to the way he had been when he had first taken her – she needed to remind him of what he had put her through, and what she had tried to get him to believe in once more.

"I told you stories because you asked me to, yes, but I also told you stories because you wanted to believe you were the hero in them. You wanted to believe you could be as brave and courageous as those Jedi Knights, as wise and cunning as some of the most revered leaders in history. You needed to believe that one day, a book like this would be written about you, Ben Solo. My stories were merely a place holder until that could one day happen."

She steeled herself for what she was about to say next. She knew it was true, but it was still hard to admit out loud. Maybe she needed to hear herself say it before she could truly believe it.

"You have come far since those days. You have become the exact opposite of what you once wanted to be. You are still the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo. Your uncle is Luke Skywalker. You had all the right tools, all the right people to guide you. I would have guided you. I would have helped you. And yet, you decided to throw it all away. Throw it away because someone convinced you that the Dark Side would make you stronger, and more powerful. I agree. You seem to have become more powerful than I ever could have imagined."

It finally seemed as though he had something to say to her.

"And yet, you seem to disapprove."

"You're right. I do disapprove. You are kidnapping people, you have undoubtedly hurt many people on many different planets. You are working for an organization that has done nothing but kill and destroy. I have tried to deny it because of what I feel for you. I knew, deep down, what it was you had become. But there have been moments, Ben, moments where I could see who you used to be, and suddenly, it was as though I was blinded, and I could not remember all the terrible things I somehow know you have done."

"Does this speech of yours have a point?" He asked, but she could tell that her words were affecting him. His lip was trembling, and there was a slight tremor in his fingers as he tried to control the shaking of his body.

"I loved Ben Solo. I still love Ben Solo. But I will never condone the actions of Kylo Ren. If Ben Solo ever wants to come back to the light, and I truly hope he does, then he will need to atone for his actions. Because this man standing in front of me? This man, who acts so flippant about a man who has been taken prisoner on his orders? This is not the man I considered to be my friend, my family."

"I think we can both agree that you thought of Ben Solo as more than a friend." He said, trying to save face. He had gripped the hilt of his lightsaber once more, trying to steady himself as he listened to her words. He wanted to turn away and stop listening to her, but he could not. He could not tear himself away from her.

"I might have, at one point. That doesn't matter right now."

He suddenly ripped his lightsaber from its holster, his breathing heavy and his shoulders hunched. He squeezed his eyes shut, as though he was in pain, and she was suddenly glad to see that he could still feel agony. It placed them on an equal playing field. For a moment, she thought he might throw another tantrum in her cell, tearing the place to pieces once more. He controlled himself, however, even though the lightsaber illuminated his face in an angry red light. It made his features look more pained than they already were.

He stared at her a moment longer, as though trying to think of something else to say. Somehow, he had thought that not seeing him for a while would make her miss him, would make her more compliant to his wishes, to his demands. It seemed to have had the opposite effect, however. She was more defiant than ever. He could feel a strange twinge in his gut; it signified a peculiar combination of pride and anger.

She wanted him to realize that the man in front of her was not someone she could learn to love. She wanted him to realize that she could only love him if he admitted the mistakes he had made, and the horrors he had committed.

He turned on his heels, lightsaber still tightly clutched in his hand as he opened the door with such force that it was almost ripped off its hinges. Before he could slam it behind him once more, however, she had one last thing to say to him.

"I do love the book. Thank you, Ben Solo."

She knew he had heard her. Instead of slamming the door closed, he pulled it shut, barely making a sound as she was left to read the book on her own once more.

* * *

A/N: Another update that I truly hope you enjoy :) I have a more grounded idea of where I want to take this story further now; any other ideas and feedback you may have for me can always be of help, so if you like, reviews are always appreciated!


	21. Chapter 21

Cara read tale after glorious tale; men and women fighting alongside each other in battle, treaties being made and civilizations being destroyed. It made her realize just how much must be going on in the galaxy, outside the bubble of her current life – the constant cycle of loneliness, hope, anger, and despair she found herself trapped in. It made her sad to think that she could not help anyone from where she was; an entire medical education barely used because she had tried to run away from her problems. She knew that one person was the cause of all of this: Kylo Ren. Whoever this Supreme Leader Snoke may be, whatever he had set in motion, Kylo Ren had always been there, inside of her friend. Supressed in the shadows of the light, brought forth by the ramblings of what undoubtedly was some sort of dictator, puppet master, fiend.

She had finally accepted that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were two different people, at war with one another in the body of a man she loved. Ben Solo was the one she needed to reach. Kylo Ren was the one that needed to be shattered.

It worried her that the war between the two sides was becoming more prominent. She could see it whenever he chose to speak with her. There was an urgency to his words, a maniacal tone that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. He was constantly looking to his weapon for comfort, for stability; and his words alternated between desperation and resentment more times than she could count. It had been much simpler to understand him when he had first brought her here – he had been constantly angry with her, consistent with his hatred. It was as though every single one of her words over the past weeks had added a new crack to his already fragile state of mind. It worried her because she could not know what was to happen next. It worried her because she could not know what it was he needed to do to finally let one of the two sides win.

She wondered about the man that had been brought on board; the man that, like her, had been captured for information. Information she hoped he did not have, for the sake of the Resistance, and the rest of the galaxy. She had experienced first-hand what Kylo Ren was capable of, what he could do when he was frantic and irate. It was a pain like nothing she had ever experienced before – even remembering what he had done to her formed a dull ache in the back of her skull as she closed her eyes to clear her mind of whatever memories were threatening to resurface. She had been lucky enough to not be in possession of any real information; she had been lucky enough to have known Ben.

There were two sides to that luck, she realized, as she gazed out the little window in her cell. On the one hand, had she not known Ben Solo, he would never have taken her in the first place. Attempting to pry information out of her had merely been a cover to conceal whatever reason it was that he truly brought her on board. On the other hand, if she had somehow known something about the Resistance, and she had not known Ben Solo as intimately as she did, she was not so sure that she would still be able to count the stars in the galaxy as she was doing right now.

As she tallied star 472, she heard footsteps coming down the hallway outside her door. She ignored them, as she had done so many times before. There was no point in hoping that Ben or Kylo would come see her – she would never be able to predict when he would finally choose to make another appearance.

Her ears had stopped listening, and as such, she had missed the fact that the footsteps had seemingly come to a halt right outside her door. Her heart skipped a beat and she jumped up from her bench as she suddenly heard a voice outside her door. It was not the voice she had known for most of her life though; it was a voice she had only come to know recently.

"They've taken another prisoner."

"FN? What are you doing out there? Someone will see you!" She said, as she got up from her usual spot in her cell to acknowledge him at the door.

"I can't come in, or stay long. I'm under orders from Phasma. I just came here to tell you that they've brought in another prisoner. He's a pilot."

"Okay. Can I just ask why this is so urgent?"

"I don't think you understand. _He's a pilot_." Even though FN-2187 was currently wearing his Stormtrooper helmet, which distorted his voice against the already thick sound barrier of the door, she heard the emphasis on his last words. The captured man was a pilot. FN-2187 wanted to escape.

"I – I – okay."

"Okay?" He asked, hearing the uncertainty in her words.

"Yes." She replied, more firmly. She did not want him to give up on her, not yet. At the moment, she needed to figure out if she wanted to stay. She could only do that if she had a viable option to leave.

"Okay. I need to go. I'll come back for you when the time is right."

"Alright. Thanks for telling me, FN." She smiled at him, hoping that would calm some of his nerves and reassure him that she was worthy of this new knowledge.

As he ran down the corridor and she was left alone again, her head started to spin. There were so many sides she was being pulled towards – so many empty promises being made and so many vicious threats being spoken. Sometimes, it was hard to know which side she was on.

Kylo Ren was obviously planning on keeping her here; for what purpose, she still did not know. Ben Solo was inside of him too, somehow fighting to keep her alive – wanting to speak to her, listen to her. She could not just abandon him. General Hux had threatened her if she did not fully bring Ben Solo over to the Dark Side. He had also promised to let her get back to Jakku if she complied. Now, FN-2187, the only other seemingly true friend she had ever made, was going to attempt an escape with her in tow. It was all too much for her to handle.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to let out the anger inside of her, the confusion, and the guilt, in a blood curdling scream. She wanted everyone on this planet to know what she felt – she wanted them to feel it too, for them to understand what she was going through. She could not abandon her friend; but she knew she could not stay here much longer. Not like this. Not with this much misery.

She wanted to scream, and yet she held her tongue. It would do her no good. No one here would truly care, anyway. Not even Ben Solo – not as long as he was trapped beside Kylo Ren.

The dull ache in her head had steadily become stronger, resulting in an incessant throbbing that made her head feel heavy. She sat down on her bench once more; closing her eyes against the light and against the weight of whatever decision she was yet to make.

* * *

" _Why do you think there are always two sides for every issue?" Ben asked her, as they once again lounged on his bed. She was reading one of her medical text books, he was reading yet another historical account._

" _I don't know." She replied, not really listening to his question._

" _Come on, Cara, this is important. Why do you think there are always two sides for every issue?" He repeated his previous question as he closed her text book right under her nose._

" _Ben, please. I have an exam tomorrow. I don't have time for this right now."_

" _This could help you with your exam."_

" _Oh, really? You think answering your question will help me gain a better understanding of improvisational medical techniques?"_

" _You never know. Will you just answer the question?" He pleaded with her, obviously interested in hearing what she had to say. He always had that effect on her – he always seemed to want to listen to her, intently._

" _I don't know, Ben. Just tell me the answer." She knew he wanted to, anyway. As interested as he might be to understand how her mind works, he never missed an opportunity to show her just how smart he truly was._

" _Without two, or even more, sides to an issue, there can't be any conflict. Conflict creates evolution – evolution of ideas, evolution of morals, and guidelines."_

" _Why are you thinking about this now?" She asked, wondering what had made him reflect on such a topic._

" _Just trying to understand how the world works. How we work. Do you think we could be such good friends if we never fought about anything?"_

" _No?" She asked, not entirely sure if that was the right answer._

" _No, exactly. Because if we agreed on everything, we never would have learned anything from each other. I never would have learned how fascinating and important a person's imagination could be – and you never would have understood the importance of history and what it can teach us. Evolution. Our evolution." He gazed at her, trying to gage her reaction. Her grey eyes met his, and she saw something in his eyes that she had not noticed before. His words may sound light-hearted, but there was a hardness in the brown of his eyes – they almost seemed to be darker in colour, a change that was not just a trick of the light._

" _So you've solved the mystery of why we get along so well. Can I open my text book now or will you slam it closed again?" Something about his eyes was making her uncomfortable, a twinge her in gut was telling her she needed to change the subject._

 _It was as though he had not heard a single word she said. Instead, he continued, asking her yet another question._

" _Do you think there can be conflict within a person?"_

 _She could not ignore the darkness in his eyes, and the question made her feel even more unsettled. She answered as delicately as she could – anything to stop this train of thought._

" _Yes, I think there can be. I think there always is, to some degree. In everyone."_

 _Surprisingly, he barely responded, uttering a single grunt as he picked up his book again and resumed reading. She sat in silence for a moment, looking at him, trying to understand what it was he was contemplating. It seemed he could sense her gaze, and he turned his head towards her, smiling ever so slightly. The gesture put her mind at ease, much quicker than she should have allowed, and he never brought up the subject again._

* * *

Her eyes shot open as the memory ended. The guilt that weighed down upon her now seemed so much heavier than it had before she had fallen asleep. She knew why. She just did not want to admit it to herself.

"You tried to tell me, Ben. I'm sorry I did not listen." She whispered the words to herself, wishing that he could somehow hear them, all the while knowing it was futile. He would not be listening. Kylo Ren would only allow him to listen when it suited himself.

"I'm sorry I did not listen." She whispered to herself again.

"I'm sorry I did not help you."

In her sleep, she had once again missed the sound of footsteps outside her door – heavy footsteps with the singular purpose of coming to see her. And yet, as he had approached her door, Kylo Ren stopped himself – not really remembering why he had come there and not really wanting to leave. Instead, he stood just there, entranced by mere feeling of her presence so nearby. In fact, he was so entranced, that he almost missed the words she was whispering to herself. Almost.

" _I'm sorry I did not listen. I'm sorry I did not help you."_

* * *

A/N: I just want to once again thank you for all these overwhelmingly lovely reviews you've been writing. They truly make my day! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I will have the next one up ASAP.


	22. Chapter 22

She had read through the entire book, and the days were once more becoming longer than she wanted them to be. She was tired of waiting for Kylo Ren or Ben to come see her again. She was tired of anxiously awaiting the return of FN-2187, knocking on her door to whisk her away from this wretched planet. It had only been a day since he had come to share the news, and yet she still did not know if she would have the strength to accompany him when the time came. There was a part of her that truly wanted to leave; to leave this place that had caused her so much anguish and confusion and just forget – perhaps she could get someone else to place a new barricade on her memories. Another part of her was slowly being torn apart at the thought of leaving Ben without saying goodbye. Would he come looking for her? Would she allow him to find her?

All these thoughts and more had been circling her mind for the past 24 hours, 3 meals and 678 tallied stars. Pointlessly, she hoped that she would get a sign, anything that would tell her what to do. Anything that would make this decision easier. She tried placing herself in a story, trying to picture herself as someone who was infinitely more decisive than she was. She thought that perhaps a different perspective of someone she wished she could be would help her make a choice. When that did not work, she tried to remember a similar time where she had had to make this kind of judgement call. She could not. No memory came to mind that was as emotionally charged as the situation she currently found herself in.

That was the biggest obstacle she faced – she needed to overcome her wide range of emotions. In the time that she had been on this ship, this planet, she had felt the entire spectrum of human emotion – happiness, anger, sadness, jealousy, hate, hope, bliss. All directed at one person. It was times like this where she wished she could just ask Ben Solo for advice. He had always been the more logical of the two, only ever letting his anger get in the way. Anger, however, was an emotion that could help you focus. Hope and happiness were not.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a commotion outside her door. She stood up from the floor, clutching the book to her chest. She may have finished reading it, but it was a comforting presence; a heavy object that helped her feel grounded. She figured the book had the same effect on her as Kylo Ren's lightsaber did for him. A stable and steady presence that could help you centre yourself. Help you remember where you were.

Her eyes widened at the scene outside her door. The familiar eerie red light of Ren's lightsaber illuminated the hallway, sparks flying out of control panels and Stormtroopers backed against the wall, trying to put as much distance between themselves and his weapon as possible. She felt sorry for them; her friendship with FN-2187 had made her point of view on the soldiers change. Perhaps there were more that felt just as trapped and confused as her friend did. She hoped there were. She hoped those of them who did feel just as conflicted were not currently standing in the only part of the corridor she could get a glimpse of.

Of course, he could sense her presence. As soon as she looked out the window, his gaze turned towards her, the turn of his head looking particularly menacing under his heavy mask. She barely dared to look at him, instead, trying to focus all of her attention on the Stormtroopers currently flat with their backs against the wall. One of them seemed to notice her stare, as the other one seemed to notice Ren's sudden lack of attention. They were smart, she realized, as they quickly used this probably small window of time to back away from the scene of devastation and make a running start down the hallway.

He knew that they had left. It did not matter to him. Instead, he fully turned his body towards her, and she could feel his gaze even through the mask and the window, studying her features carefully. She wondered what could have made him so angry this time – it was almost impossible that it was something she had done or said; he had barely acknowledged her presence since he had come back from his three week stint away from the base. Away from her.

He stood right in front of her door, staring straight at her. She took the hint, stepping backwards, and the door swung open as he used his abilities to enter her cell. She tried to steady her breathing, clutching on to the book tighter in attempt to control the tremor she could feel in the tips of her fingers. His demeanour was strange, she realized. She would have expected his breathing to be heavy, his shoulders to be heaving and his hands to be shaking after having shown such rage. Instead, he was uncannily calm – she could barely tell he was breathing at all, and he even retracted his lightsaber before slowly lifting his hands to the side of his mask to pull it off his head. Cara did not know whether to be frightened or relieved. She needed to measure his current mood, understand what had made him so angry in the first place. It was the only way she was going to be able to relax. His helmet remained tightly clasped under his arm as he surveyed her expressions.

"Care to tell me what has made you so angry this time?" She expected him to say something along the lines of none of that being her business, as he had done in the past. She could not hide her surprise when he openly spoke of what had maddened him so just a few moments earlier.

"Those Stormtroopers are a bunch of incompetent fools – incapable of simply watching over a prisoner. Incapable of following simple instructions."

She swallowed visibly, trying to hide her nerves from his prying eyes. She knew what this meant – FN-2187 had succeeded in freeing the prisoner. The pilot. FN would come for her next; she just hoped he would pick the right time. She questioned if she would know what to do.

"I see." She said, trying to keep the tone of her voice as emotionless as possible. She was worried, though. She may be speaking to Kylo Ren, but Ben was still in there – and he knew her better than anyone else.

"In any case, that is not why I came in here."

She did not respond, electing to wait for him to continue instead.

"I accept your apology." He continued, taking a step closer towards her in order to better read her response. The look that crossed her face was one of confusion; she had no idea what he was referring to.

"I don't remember apologizing to you." She said, clearly under the impression that she was currently speaking to Kylo Ren, and not Ben Solo.

"Yes, you do. You just didn't realize you were doing it." He said, taking another step closer towards her.

She sucked in a breath as it dawned on her which apology he was alluding to. She had not even realized she had been directing it at him at the time. She had no idea he had been listening. _I'm sorry I did not listen. I'm sorry I did not help you._

"You – you heard that?" She asked, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"Yes. I came to see you."

"Then why didn't you come in?"

"Your apology was enough."

"Enough for what?" She questioned, her pulse quickening as she waited for his answer.

"Enough for now."

His response was infuriating – it was simultaneously completely devoid of any actual answer and yet somehow it was exactly what she needed to hear. It was as though he was telling her, in his own way, that she was enough for him. Not just her apology, but her presence. It emboldened her to ask her next question.

"Do you need me here?" She asked, holding her breath as she awaited his answer. Perhaps it would be the sign she was looking for, the sign she needed. The sign she needed to know if she wanted to stay.

He did not answer immediately. Instead, he studied her face, searched her eyes, as though her expression would give him the inspiration he needed to reply. A long moment passed, a moment in which neither of them said anything, not wanting to break this spell of serenity that seemed to pass between them. It was a comfortable silence; the likes of which neither had experienced in a long time. She almost did not want his answer anymore, afraid of having the moment pass into another experience that he would deem meaningless.

"I don't know."

"I think you are lying to me, Kylo Ren."

"Is that so?"

"I think you know that Ben Solo needs me here."

Instead of an angry retort, he smirked at her. It was a smirk that belonged to Kylo Ren, not her old childhood friend. It was a smirk that made a shiver run up her spine. It was a smirk that did not fool her. She knew she had struck a chord as the colour of his eyes darkened slightly with bitterness.

"You resent the fact that I know I'm right." She said, allowing him in on her thoughts without agreeing to have him invade her personal memories.

The smirk faded from his face. She took the opportunity to take a step closer in his direction, closing the gap between them until she could feel the heat radiating from his body, warming her.

"You resent the fact that _you_ know I'm right."

He looked down at her – and to an outsider, it might look as though he had the upper-hand. She knew better, though. They both did. These were the answers she was looking for. He was giving them to her without even uttering a single word. These were the sentiments she would need to make her decision later.

"Ben Solo does not exist anymore." He said, trying to regain some semblance of control. His body language betrayed his lack of confidence however, as she noticed how he curled his hand into a fist and his lips trembled as he gazed at her.

"Ben Solo is a part of you, Kylo Ren. I hope I can help you remember that someday."

His eyes snapped open wide at her choice of words. Someday. As though she was planning to leave, right here, right now. Soon. She noticed the action, yet thought nothing of it. She passed it off as merely another heated reaction at the truth of her words. She was only partly right, though. He knew what was coming.

She was surprised as he suddenly turned away from her, slamming the door behind him without uttering another word. A cold breeze wafted through the room, sending goose bumps up and down her arms as the lack of his body heat left her shivering. She was still clutching the book, her fingers gripping it so tightly that the tips had gone completely white.

She stood there for a while, mulling over the encounter she had just had with Kylo Ren. There was no mistaking that it had been him she had been talking to, and not Ben Solo. He had been much too calm, seemingly ungoverned by his emotions. The only moment she had caught a glimpse of her old friend was when he had said that he accepted her apology. Kylo Ren may have said it, but Ben was the one who meant it. She was so deep in her thoughts that she barely heard the pounding on her door.

A friendly face Cara had come to know quite well was on the other side of the entry; a serious look in his eyes that she had not seen there before. He nodded at her, signalling that it was time to leave. She nodded back at him, acknowledging his presence, gripping the book even tighter to her chest as she slowly walked towards the door. It was now or never. She needed to make a decision.

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A/N: I truly hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for sticking with this story and leaving such wonderful reviews. Next chapter coming soon!


	23. Chapter 23

As soon as FN-2187 had opened the door for her, she was greeted by yet another unfamiliar face. The man in front of her looked battered and broken – and yet, he had one of the most determined looks in his eyes she had ever seen on any man. He was resolute in his wanting to escape this hellish place, and he was right. He looked about as ready as she felt. She had said her goodbye to Ben, although somewhat cryptically. It was all she could think of to say, and she hoped it would be enough. Enough of a promise that she would one day come back to help him.

" _Ben Solo is a part of you, Kylo Ren. I hope I can help you remember that someday."_

Her heart clenched as she remembered the shocked and betrayed look he had given her right after uttering those last few words – eyes wide in disbelief and resentment at her sentiment. It was as though he knew what she was going to do, Kylo Ren knew what she was going to do. Instead of stopping her, though, he had elected to turn away from her. Ben Solo was allowing her to leave. That was what she hoped, anyway. It was what they needed if this plan was going to succeed.

The man she did not know nodded at her, acknowledging her presence and their new found partnership in this austere endeavour. She looked at FN, who stood tall, as though ready for battle, but the sweat on his brow exposed his nervousness. She could not blame him for his anxiety; after all, he was betraying everything he had ever known.

"We need to get to the main hangar – we should be able to hijack a ship from there. I'll make it look like I'm escorting you guys under orders, and as soon as we make sure no one is really paying attention, we make a break for it. Understood?" He said, a slight tremor evident in his voice.

After both of them confirmed the plan, FN-2187 put his helmet on once more, resuming his now temporary role of the loyal Stormtrooper. He led them down the hallway, down a few flights of stairs before once more resuming a brisk pace down a long corridor. All the while, he kept his blaster gun at the ready – Cara was not sure if it was merely for show, or if it was a precaution should they run into anyone. She desperately hoped it was the first option.

After another few minutes of walking, FN started slowing down, the other man next to her mimicking his movements as the sounds of the hangar greeted their ears. The sounds of metal on metal, clanging, beeping, shouting, could all be heard. She had never given much thought to how many obstacles they would have to face. She had been so preoccupied with even just making the decision to leave with FN-2187 and his new companion that she had barely comprehended just how hard it would be to escape. It sounded as though there were many officers of the First Order in there, just waiting to take the three of them down should they suspect anything. The thought was terrifying, and suddenly she could feel sweat form on her own brow as she finally understood the severity of their situation. What if they were captured again? What would Kylo Ren do to her then, to all of them?

"You guys ready?" FN-2187 asked, his grip tightening around his blaster gun. The gesture reminded her of Kylo, of Ben, and in that moment she could not tell if she felt guilty or relieved to finally be getting this entire ordeal over with. The other man looked at her, smiling slightly as though to comfort her, and she appreciated the gesture and reciprocated with a smile of her own. In response, he winked at her, and she could not help the slight chuckle that escaped her lips. He seemed to be just as friendly and charming as he was determined to get out of here. Cara liked him already.

"Alright, get in front of me. Remember, I'm escorting you, so try not to look so suspicious, and you know, look a little terrified." FN stood behind them, taking a moment or two to collect himself before taking a deep breath and pushing the front of his blaster into Cara's back, signalling her to start walking. She swallowed visibly, trying to steel her nerves. None of them had any idea what was waiting for them in there. She just hoped that everything would go as smoothly as it possibly could.

They walked into the hangar together, avoiding eye contact wherever it was necessary and taking in their surroundings to catch sight of any possible threats to their plan. So far, it seemed to be going effortlessly. Unconventionally so, it seemed. Cara had a feeling something was going to happen that would make all of this worthless. Soon.

"Stay calm, Stay calm." She heard from behind her, FN-2187's familiar voice whispering as he continued to push them both forward.

"I am calm." The other man said, the first time she heard his voice. As dire as their situations seemed at the moment, there was a playful yet wilful tone to his voice that immediately put her at ease.

"I was talking to myself." Her friend said in response, and she could feel the shaking of his blaster gun against her back. It was harder for her to stay calm now she knew that her friend definitely was not. No amount of words from the friendly voice of a stranger would be able to put her at ease now.

FN directed them a little to the left, and she finally realized which ship they were headed for. It was a Special Forces TIE fighter, not unlike the ones she had often seen flying past her little window during the time she had been locked in her cell. She had seen replicas of them, sure, and she had seen it shooting off into the galaxy thousands of miles away, but she had never seen one up close before. She could appreciate its design, stealthy and deadly. Turning her gaze away from the ship, she noticed that there were no techs nor maintenance workers or guards posted by the ship. It made sense, she thought to herself. Who in their right mind would attempt such a scheme anyway?

She looked at the other two as they climbed up to the entry hatch, which conveniently, was already open and waiting for them. She could see the awe in her new acquaintance's gaze as he stared at the ship now looming over them. It was easy to tell that he was keen to fly this kind of ship – as a pilot, she figured he relished any challenge that was laid before him when it came to flying.

Her partners climbed in, settling themselves into their respective roles as FN sat down behind the weapons control and their new pilot friend sat down in his seat. She opted to stand watch, crouching behind the ship as both men figured out how to control the TIE Fighter. He may be the best pilot in the galaxy, but that did not mean he automatically knew how everything worked in every ship.

A few agonizingly long moments later, FN-2187 signalled Cara to come back in. She stumbled inside just as the pilot began to lift the ship, and for a brief minute, she thought their plan would actually work, elation working its way into her heart as the ship slowly rose further from the ground. Happiness had infiltrated her thoughts too soon, however, as only a mere few second later the ship was careened backwards, the hatch door freezing in mid-close as their escape vessel hit the wall beside them with enormous violence. Cara fell, hitting her back against the ships admittedly spotless interior as FN's and Cara's pilot friend tried to gain enough momentum so that the cable would snap. She could already see a massive crowd of Stormtroopers assembling, following orders and shooting their blasters towards the three escapees as they attempted to stop them from fleeing. She hoped it was futile, but the hatch door was still open and she could barely get a grip on herself as another shock went through the ship due to the tether cable below them. FN-2187 was firing at random, trying to hold the First Order off so as to give their now slightly frantic pilot more time to get them out of there. The tether cable was holding strong, and each shot from a blaster below them shook the ship with more force than any of them would have liked. This entire operation will have been for nothing if they did not get out of there soon enough. The First Order had more than enough firepower to shoot them down, if necessary.

She wondered if Kylo Ren was down there, if he was watching the commotion, if he knew that she was also on board. She wondered if Ben Solo was worried about her, worried that she would get hurt during this attempt to escape. She wondered if Kylo Ren would allow him to care.

The ship careened forwards once more, another shot from a blaster hitting them right underneath FN-2187's seat. The entire ship shook, rather violently, and Cara thought for sure that this was the end of their plan. She had finally managed to get herself up, simultaneously wanting to see the commotion in the hangar and afraid to look through the glass and not see the person she selfishly wished would be there.

Her curiosity got the best of her though, as it always did, and amidst the plethora of white armour she saw him, his black robes billowing behind him, lightsaber unsheathed as he marched through his troops in order to gain a better view of what was happening. Her breath caught in her throat, an emotion that she could not pin down wafting through her as their stolen TIE Fighter shuddered once more with the oncoming onslaught from the troopers down below. She looked towards her friends, her partners, beads of sweat streaming down their faces and looks of utter confusion, fear and resentment gracing their features. She wanted them to escape so badly – FN had risked so much for her and became her friend in a place where she never thought she would even come across the concept friendship; and the pilot, even though she had only known him for the time span of thirty minutes, deserved this too. He had suffered on this ship, as much as she had in the beginning, and she remembered all too well how weak and useless she had felt after her sessions with her masked captor, before she was aware of who he really was.

Both of the men in front of her had everything to lose if they remained there. She still had something to gain.

In a split second decision, she yelled at her friend that she was going to try to buy them some time. At first, she feared he may not have heard her, but his friendly and familiar eyes signalled to her that he understood. He smiled, a slight smile that betrayed how saddened he was to have to leave her here and how thankful he was for her sacrifice. She nodded at him, understanding. She truly hoped that she would see him again one day. Both of them.

Right before another blaster shot hit the underside of the ship, she jumped out of the half-open hatch, which was still frozen in position after the entire battle had started. It was a higher jump than expected, and she had not accounted for the height at which her new pilot friend had already lifted the ship as she crashed onto the floor and onto her already injured arm. The gash from Kylo's lightsaber wound once more began to burn incessantly, and she screamed out in pain as she felt something in her underarm snap. Squeezing her eyes shut, the sounds of firing guns and explosions almost faded away as the pain threatened to overtake her. She knew that she had to make her presence known though, at least to Kylo Ren. She hoped that he would care enough to call off his troopers so long as she was in harm's way. It would buy her friends enough time. She looked at the tether cable, and she could tell that it was about to snap free from its steel hinges. They just needed a few more seconds. That was all.

She gritted her teeth and forced her eyes to open, using the strength left in her shaking legs to get up and make her way down the steps back to the floor. She called out to Kylo in her mind, anything to get him to sense her presence. She suspected that he was somewhat tuned into her at all times; she hoped her suspicion was correct.

A shot from a blaster went right over her head as she made her way further down the steps, each movement allowing for another pulse of agony through her arm. She pushed on, and finally she got her wish, just as she was about to arrive at the bottom step and she heard his voice.

"STOP!" Kylo Ren shouted, and all the troopers surrounding him suddenly lowered their weapons, their confusion evident as they all looked at one another.

Her breathing was shallow, and it was taking all of her strength not to close her eyes and let go as she stood on the final step. She did not move a muscle, afraid that any movement on her part would once more scare them all into continuing their battle.

Mercifully, she heard the twang of the cable snapping, and she was able to catch a glimpse of FN-2187 right before the stolen TIE Fighter shot off into the galaxy, other ships on its heels. She remained where she was, desperately listening to any signs that they had failed, or that they had not gotten away. There was nothing more she could do now. She just prayed that they could make it back to safety. To a new home.

She was snapped out of her stupor as she felt an angry hand clamp around her shoulder, right above the arm that had just recently been broken. She yelled out in agony, seeing spots in her vision as whoever it was that had grabbed her dragged her through the army of Stormtroopers out into the corridor. He threw her down on the floor against the wall, and she was thankful that she had landed on her good arm before she recognized the bottom of his billowing black robes and registered who it was that had dragged her out of there. Kylo Ren.

She looked up at him, her vision still slightly blurry as her body once more tried to readjust to the pain she currently found herself in. She noticed that he had retracted his lightsaber, his mask still on, as he crouched down in front of her to confront her at eye-level.

"Did you truly think you can betray me and I would not find out?" He whispered, his voice sounding immeasurably menacing through the distorter in his mask. Cara was frightened, truly frightened of him for the first time in a long while. She knew how cold his eyes must be right now, how much hate must be in them. Even through the mask, she could feel his hardened stare on her.

"You understood my goodbye." She said softly, mustering all of her strength just to respond. She was tired, and scared, and all she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep.

"It was not as cryptic as you may like to believe."

She wanted him to take off his mask – she wanted him to confront her, see the anger in his eyes. That way, at least, she would know what was in store for her. What he was thinking, now that she had tried to leave him.

"Did you truly think it would be that easy to leave? That I would just forget that you had deceived me? That I would let that go?"

"Would you have come to find me if I had succeeded?"

He said nothing, and his lack of response was the only answer she needed. Deep down, she knew he would have come to look for her. His intentions had he found her however, were now the question that would remain unanswered.

"Why did you want to leave?" He asked instead, curiosity laced in his voice. She could not tell whether he asked because he truly did not want her to leave, or because he thought she was senseless for trying. She decided to answer as earnestly as she could – in a strange way, she felt he deserved the truth.

"I thought it may help. To realize what you could miss – would miss."

"What makes you think I would miss you? You are not as important to me as you have led yourself to believe."

"I know that is not true. That is enough for me."

He stood up, tearing his gaze away from her moisture filled eyes, fearing that he would say something that would betray how chaotic his thoughts were, how much he was affecting her.

"So you would have left, because you thought it would help me?"

"Yes." She did not have the energy to expand on her answer.

"And yet you sacrificed your freedom so that your two companions,' he practically spat the word, 'could have a fair chance at escaping."

"Yes. They deserved it."

"And you did not?"

"I have nothing else to lose."

He remained silent, pacing in front of her so as to be able to order his thoughts. He had one final question for her, and yet, for some reason, he was afraid to ask it. Afraid of her answer. Afraid of what it would mean for him.

"Do you still think that you can help me now that you are once more trapped here?"

She did not answer immediately, and he noticed that her eyes had fallen closed as she slumped against the wall. He thought she would not reply, his need for a response to his question burning inside of him as he moved towards her to pick her up. He would bring her back to her cell. That was all he was obligated to do right now.

She sensed that he had moved closer to her as she felt his warm presence hovering above her, his cloak billowing over her legs as he leant down towards her. With the last of her strength, she answered him, somehow understanding just how desperate he was to know what she would say.

"I hope so."

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A/N: Thanks again for all the new lovely reviews, and thank you to the readers who review often, they always make me smile! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I will try to have the next one up as soon as I can.


	24. Chapter 24

He had brought her back to her cell, carrying her unconscious form through the hallways, the shocked and confused expressions of First Order personnel and the avoidance of Stormtroopers surrounding him not going unnoticed by Kylo Ren. Normally, he would become angered at their insubordination, their refusal to leave him in peace to do whatever it was he felt justified to do. Today, however, was no normal day. She had tried to leave him. She had wanted to leave him. That was what would anger him today.

He placed Cara down on her bench carefully, unconventionally so – opting to wait for her to wake up from darkest depths of her sleep. It seemed Kylo Ren, or even Ben Solo, was much too curious for his own good. He wanted to know why. It was imperative, he felt. He needed to know what it was she thought of him. More so than her usual defiant disposition against him, her hungering need to understand him. He needed to know what it was she felt for him. Not just as Ben, but as Kylo.

He picked up a stool and sat across from her, watching her face as she slept. Her eyes fluttered, a mere hint at the dreams she must be having. Her cheek twitched every so often, indicating that these dreams may not have been as peaceful as she may have wanted – as he may have wanted for her. Her dark hair looked thinner than it had when he had first brought her with him, and she shivered, a signal that she was cold. He tried not to let any of this affect him, though. She had tried to abandon him. He would not forget that.

Taking off his mask, he shook his head; more so to clear his thoughts than anything else. There was a small part of him that wanted to let her sleep in peace. It was the weak side of him, the side he hated. The side she brought out in him. He decided that part of him was insignificant. He had a right to know. He was the one who brought her here.

"Show me what it is you're thinking." He whispered to her, slowly pulling his gloves off his hands. He would not need them now.

"Tell me what I need to know." He said again, lightly stroking his fingers against her forehead, pushing a few stray hairs back out of her face.

"Show me." He said, simultaneously pushing his presence into her mind, forcing her to reveal to him whatever it was she was remembering.

* * *

" _Do you trust me?" Ben asked her, as he led her through the grassy meadows outside the base. It was pitch black outside, and the stars were not bright enough that night to illuminate their path._

" _Yes." Cara responded, without even having to think about it._

" _Then take my hand, and I promise this will be worthwhile."_

 _She laced her fingers with his, something they had done so often; and yet every time she felt just as safe as she had done all those times before. It would never wear off. Not as long as he was with her._

" _Come on." He said, as he tugged on her arm, and she laughed as she stumbled along after him. He had always shown her treasures he had found from inside the base – old relics from the war. They were objects that had intense and emotional histories, histories that deserved to be remembered and ones that would rather be forgotten. She wondered what he could have possible found out here, all by himself._

 _It was nice to feel a warm breeze caress her face, the lovely smell of the trees surrounding her made her feel invigorated, counteracting her drowsiness. Ben had pulled her out of her bed, sneaking around the base until he had pushed her out the main doors of the compound. She should have been nervous, but she was not. Not as long as he was around._

" _Are we almost there?" She said, as she finally remembered that she was barefoot. He had been so excited to show her whatever it was that he had found, she had not even had the time to put on her boots. The sharp blades of grass felt cool and moist against the soles of her feet._

" _Yes. Just a few more minutes."_

" _Where are you taking me?"_

" _Are you going to try and tell me again that you have no interest in whatever it is that I want to show you?"_

" _No, not tonight,' she laughed, 'I think my curiosity has gotten the best of me this time."_

 _He let go of her hand, turning to face her, walking backwards as they continued through the fields. He smiled at her, noticing how her eyes seemed to glow in the dark. He had always liked her eyes. They were another mystery to him._

" _So any guesses as to what I've found?" He asked her, enjoying the way she was looking up at the stars as they walked._

" _I have no idea."_

" _No guesses, at all?"_

" _No." She said, just to annoy him. It seemed it worked, as he turned his back on her. She smiled to herself, pleased that she could still irritate him just as much as he could exasperate her._

 _He stomped onwards, and she was now running to catch up to him._

 _They both slowed to a stop as they came to the edge of the clearing, as Cara looked around her to see what it was that he wanted to show her. She saw nothing special, nothing that stood out to her that he would be so excited to show her._

" _Well? Why am I here?" She asked, honestly confused._

" _There's a storm on the way." He said, as though she should know what that meant._

" _Alright…"_

" _Here, come with me." He veered off to the left, towards the rolling hills that were the backdrop for the base. She narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on where it was she was going, but was startled instead as she heard to low rumble of thunder off in the distance._

" _Ben, should we really be out here?"_

" _I thought you said you trusted me." He said, winking at her._

" _I do – it's just…"_

" _What? Are you afraid of a little thunder?" He challenged her._

" _No." She said, defiantly. If there was one thing she could not back down from, it was one of his challenges._

" _Then just keep following me."_

 _She did, towards the dark mass of the hills where she had no idea what was waiting for her. She jogged to get closer to him, once more grabbing his hand as he led her further away from their home._

 _Finally, he stopped. Ben suddenly pulled her into a cave she had not noticed before, a cave she could not fathom could actually be there. It was a small alcove cut out into the side of the hills, buried beneath years of moss and tree roots. He pushed her inside, and she had to duck her head as she entered._

" _What are we doing here?" She said, genuinely impressed that he had managed to find this place._

" _Just turn around and sit down, facing outwards."_

 _She did as she was told, sitting cross-legged on the hard rocks beneath them as she looked outside. She thought he had maybe brought her in here to show her the view; but as lovely as she could imagine it would be during the day, she could barely see anything now._

" _Did you just bring me here to show me this cave?"_

" _No, and even if I had, I know you find it impressive that I found it. This isn't even on the maps of the planet."_

 _She turned to face him, trying to understand what it was she was doing there just by looking at the expressions on his face. It was a useless endeavour – he just sat, staring straight in front of him into the night._

" _You're going to miss it." He said, and she suddenly wondered what he was talking about before she heard another enormous thunderclap, this time much closer than when they had still been walking outside. It was a dry thunder, a muggy heat surrounded them, and there was not a droplet of rain in sight. Her head snapped in the same direction that his was in, and that was when she saw it._

 _An enormous bolt of lightning hit the ground not a hundred metres away from them, illuminating everything in the sharpest and most terrifying light she had ever seen. It was a beautiful sight; she could see every blade of grass in the field and every leaf on the trees on the other side of the meadow. Every dew drop reflected the sight, and suddenly she could see thousands of images of the lightning bolt across her entire field of vision. She sucked in a breath, astounded that she was there to witness a sight like this and a little frightened at the same time._

" _How did you know?" She whispered, refusing to avert her gaze in case she got another chance to witness such a spectacle._

" _I got lost out here once. It was actually right before I met you." He did not look away from the clearing in front of them either, clearly just as mesmerized as she was._

" _What happened?"_

" _I was trying to run away from my parents. I had heard them talk about me – my mother had mentioned once more that she was worried about what I could become, who I might take after. There was a part of me that wanted to scare them as much as they scared me every time I heard them argue about me. So I decided to run. To hide from them. Let them know what it felt like."_

 _She did not utter a word. Too engrossed in both his story and the view to shatter this moment with whatever thought she might say._

" _I ran. Away from the base, as far as I could. It was very hot that day, too, just like today. I did not know what that meant, though. So I just kept running, past the trees, along the hills and into the clearing. I ran so far that my legs started to burn and I stumbled into the grass, rolling a while before finally coming to a stop. That was when the first thunderclap came. I could actually feel the earth tremble beneath me, and I had never been more frightened in my entire life. I ran, but I could only ever see anything when lightning would strike down – that was actually how I found the cave. During one of the lightning strikes I saw the tree roots sway backwards into nothing, and I just ran towards it. All I wanted was to stop seeing this, stop hearing it. So I ran into this cave. I was covered in dirt and moisture and I was shivering because I was so cold. I sat there for hours."_

" _How long did it take for you to get back home?" She finally asked, breaking her silence._

" _My father found me."_

 _She was surprised by his answer, it was not what she had expected. He had always been so self-reliant, independent from his parents in every way. This was a nice side to him, a story that showed her that he had needed his father as much as she wished she could see her parents._

" _Thank you for bringing me here." She said, grateful that he had once again shared a piece of himself with her._

" _So what do you think?"_

" _I think it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."_

 _She shivered a little, the sweat from their hike there drying on her skin, making her feel cold and clammy. He felt the tremor go through her body and scooted closer to her, his arm resting against hers as he offered some of his body heat to warm her up. They sat there for the rest of the night, watching the thunderstorm, not uttering a word to each other. They did not need to._

* * *

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Cara asked him, her eyes fluttering open, her head pounding in response to his abuse of her mind.

"I cannot be sure."

"Then why don't you tell me what it is you're looking for?" She asked him, her voice frail as she tried to sit up.

He was silent for a moment, contemplating the words he was going to say next carefully.

"Do you trust me?" He asked finally, repeating his same question from her memory.

"Do you think you have given me a reason to trust you?"

He did not answer her, waiting for her to answer her own question. He could not answer her. He did not know how.

"I will trust you as long as I believe that there is still a part of you that listens to Ben Solo."

"All the hurt, anger, confusion and pain I have caused you, and you still have the audacity to believe that your little, old friend is a part of me."

"Yes. Are you angry with me?"

"Yes."

"Did you really think I would not try to leave if I had the chance?"

"Ben Solo once promised you that he would not abandon you. I would have expected you to give him the same courtesy."

She knew why he said those words, she knew that he truly meant them. Kylo Ren even, truly meant them.

"He would have understood." She truly meant those words, too.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for the support for this story. It means a lot, and makes it so much more fun and enjoyable to write, I can't even tell you.


	25. Chapter 25

"How could you possibly expect him to understand?" Kylo Ren asked her, incredulity obvious in his voice. He could not believe how foolish she was being; how could she possibly believe that someone would forgive her for attempting to abandon them?

"If you'll remember, he did the same thing to me." She replied, the answer obvious even though it still irked him.

"You do not strike me as the type to ignore their own guilt."

"I don't." She said, looking him straight in the eye, trying to see through him, see through these ludicrous walls he was putting up.

"You do not feel guilty? I think you are lying to me once more, Cara Nova. You cared about Ben Solo too much to let him go now, to abandon him the way you attempted to this evening. I've felt your pain; you never felt he abandoned you before you found out who he became. And now, all of a sudden, you judge the choices he has made? The choices he made in order to become who he was meant to be?"

There were so many things that she wanted to say to him, not only to Ben, but to Kylo. She felt they both needed to hear her sentiments, as fragile, selfish, loving and painful as they may be. There were more memories for them to explore together, more moments for them to discover, from the past, and for the future. Putting it into words was a hard thing to do.

"Ben Solo was a great man and an amazing friend, and I loved him. I never knew why he left – not the true reason anyway. I did not know what it was and in spite of what you may think, I did believe that he abandoned me, on some days. That hurt. And I missed him. But I still believe that he would have understood why I had to get out of here. If there is anything I have learnt about Ben Solo from you, Kylo Ren, it is that he felt an enormous need to change. How am I going to change if I am trapped here for the rest of my life? Trapped with a man who, as he's mentioned many times before, does not care about me? He would have understood that I wanted to change. He would have understood that I needed to leave to be able to become who I need to be."

He looked at her as he had not looked at her in a long time; it was a gaze full of wonderment and awe, as though he could not believe the person standing in front of him, uttering those words. She could not tell if his current opinion of her was positive or negative – but whatever it was, she would take it. It was one of the few times he had looked at her without resentment and anger.

"And who is that you need to become?"

"I'm not sure yet."

He scoffed, the wonderment on his face being replaced by disbelief. He obviously thought she was absurd for feeling that way, perhaps for feeling any way at all. All he knew was hatred, annoyance, and frustration. He found it hard to believe that she did not know those same emotions right now.

"You think you know me so well, Kylo, Master of the Knights of Ren. Why don't you tell me who you think I should become?" She asked, wanting to know what he was thinking.

He did not have to think about his answer for too long.

"I think you should become someone who could actually be useful to me."

"If you still believe that I will join the First Order for you, you truly do not know me at all."

He scooted his stool closer to her, and she leaned forward, a reflex from a time long ago; curious as to what he had to say and yet terrified of him at the same time. It was much the same way she had felt when she had first found out that Kylo Ren was in actuality her oldest friend. Not knowing what to feel and not knowing whether to listen to her head or to her heart.

"You think yourself so well adjusted to your situation – fighting to find your little friend in the depths of someone you know you should hate. You think you understand why he did what he did, and that magically, if you can find him again, everything will go back to the way it was. All that is ignorance, Cara. Ignorance of a situation that you cannot even begin to comprehend. Your belief, your sickening hope that everything will fix itself is merely a delusion. I once told you that you would not be able to deny the truth anymore, not once I had taken off the mask. And yet, here you stand, deceiving yourself into thinking that you can still fix him, and fix the life you once lead!"

He grabbed her chin, pulling her even closer to himself. His glove covered fingers pressed hard into her skin, making it impossible for her to move a muscle. She was transfixed, listening to his words as though they were the only thing that were keeping her awake right now. She had almost forgotten about the searing pain in her arm as she stared into his eyes, these eyes that she knew so well. These eyes that had willed her to stay here.

"I think it is time for you to stop fooling yourself, Cara. You may not want to become part of the First Order; and while I think it is absurd for you turn down such an opportunity, there is another way in which you can become useful to me."

"And in what way is that?" She whispered, afraid to know the answer.

"Let me train you."

It was not the answer she had expected to hear, not at all. To be quite frank, she did not know what she had expected. That however, was not it.

"You want to train me?"

"Yes. Right now, you are this fragile little girl, holding on to the hope that one day, your wishes will come true, and your friend will come back to you. That is not the reality you face. The reality you face is much darker, more painful, and sincere. I will help you channel what you really feel, the anger, the hate, and I will help you become who you were meant to be."

"I was never meant to be like you." She said, defiance clear in her voice. It angered her that he would call her fragile. She was letting his words get to her, allowing them to fester within her. If anger was what he wanted, it was what he was going to get.

"I can already hear it in your voice. The fury." He said, a mischievous smirk playing on his features.

"Yes, but I am not angry with myself. I am angry with you, Kylo Ren. You have made me feel fragile at times, and broken, and lost. But that is not who I am. Ben Solo helped me become someone that did not need to feel cracked and empty. I will not allow you to ruin that."

Her words did not seem to faze him.

"Let me train you." He said again, still smirking at her.

"Why are you asking my permission?"

"Because I know you will make the right decision."

She was silent, willing him to remove his fingers from her chin. She could feel bruises starting to form under his firm grip, and as much as she did not want to give him the satisfaction to know that she was in pain, she needed him to let go. She needed to be further away from him.

Instantly, he complied, leaning back away from her, and she released a breath at the lessened pressure on her face.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"As much as you would like to think otherwise, I do know you. All these memories that you have shown me, that I have forced you to share, tell a greater story than you think. I know you, Cara."

Ben had once told her he believed you could never know someone well enough. That was what he had told her, even after ten years of friendship. She hoped that principle still applied. She hoped that she could use that on Kylo. As well as he seemed to think he knew her – Ben was the one who made him feel that way – she would use it to her advantage. Somehow.

"How will you train me?" She asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"You may not be Force Sensitive, but you are smart, and a quick learner. I will teach you in the art of combat – I will teach you how to channel your anger. I will teach you how to become stronger, more in control of yourself, and your emotions."

"Ben taught me in combat."

"His skills were foolish. They were nothing compared to what I can teach you." He said.

"I have never noticed you to have control over your own emotions." She stared pointedly at the destruction he had wreaked on her cell weeks before. She wanted to anger him, to annoy him as much as he was pressuring her now. She had nowhere else to go, and he knew. He knew that she would take any opportunity that would give her an advantage, as small of an advantage as that may be.

He sneered at her, unable to form a retort but irritated at her comment nevertheless.

"You seem to forget that you and Ben Solo are one and the same person."

"And you seem to forget that Ben Solo does not exist anymore." He said, trying to counter her words.

"If that were true, I don't think you would be so angry that I tried to escape. You are at war with yourself, Kylo Ren, as I have told you before. You would not be so furious at my wanting to leave if you truly think I am as useless as you have described me to be. You know that I can mean something to you, if you would just allow yourself to feel. I will allow you to train me in combat; but I think it's only fair if you realize that I will not stop fighting to pull you away from whatever darkness it is you have wrapped yourself in."

He stood up in anger, his stool falling backwards with an enormous metallic clang as he once more towered over her. Grand gestures like this one always told her that she was getting through to him. Tonight was no different. He looked out the window over her head, seemingly lost in thought. It was only then, as she realized that he was looking out into the void of the galaxy that she remembered FN-2187 and his fellow pilot escapee. She hoped they had made it somewhere safe. She hoped their recaptures or demises were not something that Kylo Ren would be able to hold against her one day.

He seemed to read her thoughts, even though she could not feel his presence in her mind. He looked down at her with his brown eyes, a strange kindness in them that did not match the hardened look of the rest of his features.

"Your training will begin shortly. And as for your friends, the resistance pilot and the traitor, I make no promises as to their fate. They have sealed it for themselves."

With those last words, he stalked out the door, and she was left alone in her dank little cell once more; desperately trying to predict what the future had in store for her and miserably failing to do so.

* * *

A/N: As always, I hope you enjoyed this! Sorry it took a bit longer than usual; I've just started on my thesis and I was a little stressed by everything that I have to do for it. I hope to get the next update to you a bit sooner, but thanks for all the lovely reviews and people following and favouriting!


	26. Chapter 26

"Get up. Do it again." Kylo Ren ordered, looking at Cara's exhausted form on the ground.

"That's enough, Kylo. I'm done." She said, breathing heavily – they had been sparring for hours, and she had only gotten a few meagre hits in on his side. She had to admit, he had improved immensely since the last time they had practiced back home. She had been on the same level as him back then, on some occasions. Now though, she had no hope of beating him. He was faster, more agile, he blocked every single one of her attacks. It was gruelling and demoralizing; and she still felt that he was not even using his full capabilities.

She had gotten used to calling him by his other name. She felt it allowed him to feel more comfortable around her – she hoped it would bring him closer to trusting her. If she was going to get through to him, if she was going to be stuck here for however much longer it may be, she needed to get him to trust her, depend on her. Calling him by his true name would only create more resentment towards her. It was a slow process, but she felt as though it was working.

"You are finished when I say you are finished. Use your anger, let it fuel you."

"I am not angry right now."

"You may think you feel that way, but there is always anger inside everyone. Use it. I know you have the strength, Cara."

She glanced up at him, and saw such a sincere look in his eyes that she could not bear to look away. He believed that she could do this. Ben used to believe that she could do it as well. She gathered up all of her strength, pushing herself off the floor, her arms shaking as they carried the full weight of her upper body as she tried to sit up. Her legs were a bit stronger, and she did not look away from his gaze until she stood up straight once more, facing him. She lifted her practice stick in front of her, indicating that she was ready.

"Try to dodge my attacks. You are faster than you think you are; try to detect a pattern to my movements." He instructed, lifting up his own practice stick as well. For a moment, she imagined how much more terrified she would be in this current situation if he was facing her with his crossguard lightsaber; the fickle red glow illuminating his face eerily, standing over her as she lay defenceless on the ground. It was odd, seeing the difference between her imagined scenario and what was actually happening; strangely comforting and yet disconcerting at the same time.

She took a deep breath, lunging towards him to make her next attack. He side-stepped, as always, spinning away from her only to bring his weapon down in a graceful arc towards her. He hit the shoulder of her unscathed arm, a sharp and fleeting pain shooting through her limb. During their training sessions she had noticed that he consistently avoided hitting her injured arm – it was still sore and stiff, and during the times that she was on her own with no distractions she could still feel the slight burn from the lightsaber wound he had inflicted so soon after their reunion. She wondered if he was even aware that he was allowing her that reprieve; his training would be much more vigorous and demanding if he used her physical pain to get her to use her anger against him.

She winced, taking a step back from him, trying to organize her uncoherent thoughts into something she could use to gain the upper-hand. She studied him, allowing herself to notice the slight unevenness of his breathing, the tremor in his dominant hand, the light sheen of sweat coating his forehead. She would have thought that it would make her feel more confident to see that he was becoming tired as well; but Cara could not be sure whether or not it was because he was physically exhausted from the hours of bodily exercise they had just endured or because it was physically hurting him to keep himself from using his full strength. She feared it was the second option, holding his gaze as he waited for her to make the next move.

"What would I be faced with if you were to use your full potential against me?" She asked, trying to get him to lose his focus.

"What makes you think I am not using all of my talents against you?" He asked, a slight smile forming on his lips. They started to circle each other, neither one of them letting the other out of their sights for a second. She had hoped that he would lower his guard while he spoke, but she should have known better. He was much more cunning than that – she should have been more worried that he would somehow trick her into losing her own focus.

"An instinct." She replied, still circling him, not even noticing that she was taking a few small steps closer towards him.

"Your instinct is what you should be using right now. I can tell that you think too much before you plan your next attack – your brows furrow and you squint with your eyes. You need to trust that your body knows what it needs to do. You have already been taught the basics, Cara. Allow your muscles to remember."

She was taken aback that he had been studying her so closely. Ben had always been able to tell exactly what she was thinking about just from looking at the expressions on her face; it seemed Kylo Ren had a similar gift. He would deny where it came from, of course; but she knew. He could not lie to her any more than she could lie to him.

She did not respond. Instead, she suddenly spun around closer to him, copying his earlier move, trying to surprise him. Instead of swinging her weapon from above though, she swung it from below, smacking it against his shin and prodding it into his abdomen before quickly stepping behind him to make it easier for her to defend herself. She saw his eyes widen in surprise as she struck, a feeling of pride welling up inside of her. It would never be enough to take him down, of course, but at least she had gotten a decent attack in. It was more than she had to show for the four other practice sessions she had already had to endure.

Her shoulders were heaving as she tried to compose herself; her breathing was uneven from the sudden ferocity of her own movements as she tried to wipe the smirk off of her own face. Though she knew he had probably seen it coming, on some level, it still felt good to hit him. There was no denying it. She may have cared about his face, about the man trapped inside of the one stood in front of her - but he had put her through some tough situations. It was nice to feel as though she was on equal ground with him, even if it was for the wrong reasons.

He turned around to face her, making her instantaneously aware of how close he truly was to her. She realized that it would have been more advantageous if she had stepped further away from him after her surprise attack; it was something she had not thought about in the moment, and she was about to pay the price.

He grabbed the hilt of her practice stick with almost inhumane strength, twisting her arm until it was necessary for her to relinquish her weapon. She flinched, both at his proximity and the manner in which her arm was bent. He pressed his forearm against her collarbone, pushing her backwards until she hit the wall. She knew that he was still holding back – he was not angry with her right now, nor did he have any real reason to be. She was more than aware that if he were to use all of his power against her now her collarbone would have already been shattered.

He was so close to her, she could feel the ends of his hair tickling her chin as he studied her face once more. He was silent for a long moment, both of them seemingly not knowing what to say to each other. They had been sparring like this for a few days now, but it had never gone this far. Normally, after throwing her to the ground or stealing her weapon he would step away from her immediately, allowing her a minute to catch her breath before commencing another round. This time, he held her firmly against the wall, making her nervous.

"How did that feel?" He asked, his voice just barely a whisper.

"Wh – What?" She stammered, beginning to feel a little lightheaded. Her heart rate was not about to slow down, and he was so close to her – the same way she had longed for him to be all those nights after he disappeared before she had left her home to escape to Jakku. She needed to calm herself down.

"How did it feel to release your anger towards me?"

"Wrong." She finally answered after a minute of contemplation.

"Wrong in what way, exactly? Did it feel wrong to finally get some revenge against me for all the horrid deeds you believe I have committed against you? Did it feel wrong to see me flinch in pain, the same way I have witnessed you do due to my action countless times?"

Cara did not have an answer for him; she knew that her reply to his previous question had been honest. It did feel wrong, taking pleasure out of hurting someone. She just was not sure she could make him understand why.

"Yes, it felt wrong. There's no need for me to explain it to you, however. You wouldn't understand, Kylo. Especially not while you are still using your strength to keep me trapped against the wall of this training room."

He released her as soon as she had uttered her last word, taking a step backwards to give her some space. She touched her hand to her collarbone, feeling an unusual amount of warmth where his arm had been pressing against her moments before.

"Try." He said, and she looked at him, slightly confused.

"Try what?"

"Try to explain to me why it felt wrong." He said, and somehow, she could tell that his words were sincere. His eyes bored into hers so intensely that she needed to look away before she spoke again.

"Let me ask you something first. Are you still angry with me for trying to leave?" This question was not exactly necessary for her explanation, but she wanted to know. She needed to know.

"Yes." He replied simply, making her sigh at her own ignorance. She feared he would never truly forgive her for her attempted escape – she just hoped she would get through to the real Ben in time to make him see reason.

She pushed herself off the wall, quickly realizing that she had made a mistake. Her body was still drained of all energy, and fell against the cool metal wall once more, sliding down it until she was sitting up right, allowing all the muscles in her body to finally relax. Kylo remained standing, obviously not wanting to relinquish his control of the situation.

"I will be honest with you, Kylo. I am angry. I have already told you this. And I know how satisfying it can feel to give into your desires, but I am not going to. Not only because it will give _you_ some sickly type of satisfaction, but because the only thing that it will accomplish for me is a feeling of guilt about something that I did not need to feel remorseful about in the first place. That is why it felt wrong."

"You cannot possibly know how it will make you feel until you have let yourself experience it." He said. He had not averted his gaze from her the entire time she had spoken. It was making her feel uneasy, the way he was observing her. As though she was a mystery he had yet to unravel.

She looked up at him, trying to think of a response that would make him understand. That would make him remember that he himself used to be capable of controlling his angered impulses and channel them into something more productive than destruction.

"When we were younger, you once came to me-,' she hesitated as she realized the error she had made. She had forgotten to refer to the man standing in front of her as Kylo – a mistake that could take this opportunity away from her and set their relationship back another step, '-Ben once came to me, his face red with anger and his finger shaking with rage as he slammed the door behind him as he entered my room." She looked at Kylo Ren, trying to gage his reaction at her mishap. It seemed he had not even noticed, however. He was intently waiting for her to continue. It was the first time she felt as though he was truly listening to her.

"He was so angry – and I could not understand why. He tried to explain it to me – tried to explain how angry he was that his parents always dismissed his wishes whenever it came down to his need to go off and train to become a Jedi. I could tell that he was about to completely lose his temper, the problem was that I did not know if he was going to use it against me or if he would find a different target. I knew Ben better than anyone. I couldn't just let him take his fury out on some poor soul that would not be able to handle him. I told him that he could lash out at me – that he could yell and scream for as long as he wanted at me as long as he did nothing to hurt me physically. At first, I thought he would agree. He seemed to ready himself, collecting all his anger as he breathed in deeply. Next thing I knew, he stalked out of my room, leaving me there by myself to wonder what he would do without me by his side. Ben was always a fast runner, and before I could collect myself and chase him down the corridor I had already lost sight of him. I looked for him everywhere, desperately hoping that my weak attempt at trying to subdue him had not made someone else his next target."

She paused for a second, expecting him to make some snide remark about Ben's weakness, but he allowed her to go on with her story.

"I finally found him in the practice room – trying to perfect his attacks. He was moving more ferociously than I had ever seen him before, but I could tell that it was working to let off some steam. Not by taking it out on someone who did not deserve it. Not to make himself stronger. Simply to make himself feel better, gain a better handle on his emotions and his weaknesses. Anger is something that needs to be dealt with, Kylo. It should not constantly be raging within you."

"Is this a true story, or is this one of the many tales I have seen you concocting for your own pleasure within your memories?" He asked, starting to pace around the room as he waited for her reply.

"I think you already know the answer to that, Kylo Ren."

* * *

A/N: I just want to quickly thank all the regular reviewers - it's so nice to read your comments on the new chapters! As always, I will have the new chapter up as soon as possible. Thank you for continuing to read this story!


	27. Chapter 27

"You did well today." He said, surprising Cara. She was sitting on the floor, small droplets of sweat running down her forehead as she fought to catch her breath. Today had been an especially exhaustive day of training – she had taken many hits, her body feeling battered and fatigued after the countless spins, swings, kicks, punches and blocks she had tried to lash out at him with. She felt no progress in her skills though, nothing that made her feel as though this training was working. She wondered why he still bothered – what was she going to be able to use these skills for anyway?

"It didn't feel as though I did well today." She said, in between breaths. It bothered her how long it was taking for her heart rate to lower. She had never felt this out of shape before. She realized that it had now been at least a few months since Kylo Ren had taken her captive. Back on Jakku, she ran between settlements all day, trying to help the sick gain an impression of comfort and health with what little remedies they had at their disposal. Sitting in a cell all day had done nothing for her condition or her stamina. It made her feel weak – perhaps that was what he was trying to give her, some semblance of control, of power. Strength.

"This is not something I would lie about, Cara."

She looked up at him, once more recognizing the sincerity in his voice. His eyes had become somewhat softer since they had started training together, not so full of resentment and disgust. It was not the same way Ben had used to look at her, though. It was more confusion and indecision. He still did not understand what to feel around her.

"Thank you." She said, more to herself than to him. He still heard her, of course.

"What exactly are you thankful for?" He asked, turning towards her to look at her fatigued form sitting on the floor in front of him.

"Making me feel as though I have some kind of purpose. I do not mean in life, or in direct relation to you, I just mean that I am thankful that I am doing something – and it's because of you. So, thank you."

He did not respond to her gratefulness, nor had she expected him too. It was also not the only thing she was grateful for. She was grateful that he had stopped being so tense around her, stopped frightening her to no end, and that he had stopped gripping his lightsaber with incredible fierceness whenever he was around her. It made her feel more at peace with her situation and where she was now. She may not be all that close to finding Ben inside of him, but she was at least getting somewhere with the man in front of her. For now, that was more than enough.

"Do you think you could spar another round?" He asked. She looked up at him with wide and tired eyes, hoping that the flush of her cheeks and the sweat on her forehead were enough to indicate that no, she was not up for another round of fighting. It was a shame, though. She was enjoying their sessions, enjoying being this close to him without a constant feeling of anxiety threatening to overwhelm her. Whenever they stopped fighting however, he would almost immediately bring her back to her room and leave her there until the next time he saw fit to train her. That had been their routine, ever since that day she had tried to convince him that his anger was not the only thing he could rely on for strength. She hoped that his distancing himself from her meant that she had struck a chord within him, that he had contemplated what she had said; but she could never be sure. Not unless he told her.

"I will let you rest, only because you fought with more vigour today." He nodded, showing that he understood. He was seemingly unaffected by their relentless physical exercise, and it made her wonder just how strong he truly was. How much power did he have within his lithe form, and what would it take to stop him, if Cara could not succeed in trying to bring him back to the Light?

"I have noticed you have been relying on your instinct more." He said, breaking the silence. She had half-expected him to pull her up by her arm only to march her down the hallways back to her cell. It was a pleasant surprise that he did not seem to be in any rush to get rid of her. She smiled at him, trying to show him how pleased she was to hear him say so.

"You are a good teacher, as unpredictable as you may be."

"You find me unpredictable?" He asked, wondering where it was she was taking this line of conversation.

"Yes, Kylo Ren. You still puzzle me, even after all that has happened."

"And here I thought you were convinced you knew exactly what you were doing when it came to uncovering your little friend from the depths of this man you now deem so unworthy."

"Ben Solo once told me that he believed you can never know someone well enough. I also happen to believe that is true."

A swell of hope formed within her as she saw a look of recognition cross his face. As soon as she saw it however, it was gone, replaced by his stoic features once more.

"I believe the same thing." He said, causing her to snap her gaze towards his in order to understand what he was feeling.

"You do?" She asked, looking for any kind of confirmation that he was tapping into Ben's emotions, Ben's thoughts.

"Yes. I believe you can never know someone well enough to trust them." He said, with a slight sneer. She released a breath, trying to hide her disappointment at his comment. She wondered if he was directing his answer towards her, or if he meant it in general. If it was meant for her, it would mean that everything she was doing to get him to trust her – using his new name, allowing him to train her, confiding in him – was in vain. It would mean that Ben was further out of her reach than she thought.

"That is no way to live."

"Can you honestly tell me that you trusted Ben Solo with every fibre of your being? Even after all the anger he showed you, the ferocity, the distrust in his own family – could you truly still depend on a man who seemed so volatile?"

"He never gave me any reason to doubt him."

"Until he abandoned you, of course."

He was fishing for an answer, hoping to catch her in some twisted lie, hoping that she would relinquish the desperate quest she had been on since she had found out who had taken her captive. He wanted her to stop, he wanted her to stop believing in Ben Solo so that she could believe in someone else; so that she could believe in who he was now.

"This is exactly why you puzzle me, Kylo Ren. How can you be so powerful, and yet care so much for what I think of you?"

"I do not care about what it is you think of me."" He said, a slight shadow returning to his eyes.

"Then why try and cast doubt over the only memories I have left of someone I used to love? What does it matter to you?"

She awaited his answer with baited breath, supposing that he would move his hands towards his lightsaber once more, to try and frighten her into submission again. Instead, she was surprised by the sound of the door opening – no one had dared to interrupt them during these training sessions as of yet.

"I am quite interested in knowing the same thing." It was the emotionless voice of General Hux, his heavy boots slapping against the floor as he entered their personal space. She stood up, not wanting to appear vulnerable and weak in front of him.

"General Hux, I was not expecting to see you here." Kylo spoke, distaste evident in his tone of voice.

"I was not expecting to see the two of you here either. Yet, here we are." Hux said.

"Was there something you needed, General?" Kylo asked, obviously trying to get rid of him.

"I just came here to remind your prisoner of a little conversation we had while you were otherwise engaged, Kylo Ren."

Kylo turned his gaze towards her then, his brows furrowed as he tried to understand what the red-haired man meant. She lowered her gaze, unable to reveal to him what had happened. She had nearly forgotten her previous encounter with General Hux; the soldier in front of her did not frighten her nearly as much as the idea of losing Ben forever. Her captor would never understand her reasoning, however. She feared he would lose whatever semblance of trust he had in her forever.

"I see she has not confided in you,' Hux mocked, 'how disappointing."

Ren had not averted his gaze from her, and she finally looked up to meet his eyes. He was searching her face for an answer – anything that would tell her wat the General was referring to. She could not tell him that she had been blackmailed into forcing him over to the Dark side. If Kylo ever found out, she feared he would only use it to push her further into a corner she would not be able to get out of. It would give him a reason not to listen to her anymore, not to heed her advice. She would lose whatever grip she had on him and Ben forever.

Suddenly, Kylo tore his eyes away from her, carefully yet menacingly striding towards the General in order to make it clear who had the power here. Hux may have been the General of the First Order, but Kylo Ren held all the supremacy – a thing Hux would do well to remember.

"She has, in fact, confessed to me of your exploits with her. After my return I could sense something was wrong and forced her to tell me what it was you had burdened her with. I assure you, General, that your pathetic attempts at trying to gain control over my prisoner have been doing you more harm than good. I suggest you stay out of my way, where she is concerned."

Cara supressed a gasp; if there was one thing she had not been expecting it was Ren standing up to protect her. She knew what was coming next, though. If General Hux was not her problem now, it would be Kylo rooting his way into her thoughts to discover what had actually happened while he had been away.

General Hux was obviously astounded as well – it was likely that he had thought his plan to come and interrupt them here had been fool proof. It was satisfying to see that the smug General could be taken down a notch. Now there was just the matter of the repercussion.

"Leave us." Kylo directed towards his fellow member of the First Order. Hux looked taken aback, and snarled at Cara for good measure before stomping out of the room.

It took a minute before she was able to find her voice again.

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" She asked, afraid to look at him.

"That would depend on what it is he asked you to do."

"It was nothing, Kylo. He already knew I would not comply."

"Then why are you avoiding my gaze right now?" He asked, noticing the aversion of her eyes.

She backed away from him, slowly moving towards the door. She was worried what he would do if he found out. There was no way to predict his next move.

"Tell me what happened."

"I promise you, it was nothing."

"Tell me what happened or I will force it out of you." He said, his words reminding her of the Kylo that prompted fear within her.

"You can take me back to my cell now. Please." She added, trying to get him to understand how badly she did not want to talk about this. How much it worried her.

"Tell me what happened with General Hux and I will tell you the truth of my three week absence." He said, allowing a minute for her curiosity to settle in.

"I already know what happened. You captured the pilot who – who tried to help me escape."

He stepped towards her, but she had stopped backing away, her inquisitive nature getting the best of her.

"There is much more to that story than you know, Cara. Confide in me and I will confide in you."

* * *

A/N: Just another thank you for all the support for this story, as always. It means a lot.


	28. Chapter 28

"Come with me. We cannot talk about this here." Kylo said, grabbing her upper arm and dragging her back into the hallway. Cara had been stunned into silence; very curious as to what it was he was going to confess to her and somewhat worried about it at the same time. What if he told her something so horribly gruesome that she would never be able to look at him the same way? A lot could happen in three weeks' time.

"I feel like I need to thank you again, Kylo. For leading Hux away from the truth." She said, panting a little as she almost had to jog to keep up with him. His lengthy strides were no match for her relatively short legs, and their practice session had taken its toll on her current energy levels.

"You have no reason to thank me unless you are able to tell me that whatever happened between the two of you will not harm me in some way." He said, not even looking back at her as he spoke. She lowered her head, trying to steady her breathing and squash her guilt. She could not bear him to already feel her shame before they had even started discussing their current situation.

They finally reached her cell, and he hastily forced the door open and shoved her inside. She wanted to sit down and give her legs some rest, but she could tell that he was not in the mood to placate her, and she would be no match for him once she sat down. All control over the confrontation would immediately be given to him. She could not afford to be looked down upon, not right now. She needed him to see her as an equal.

"Tell me what General Hux asked you to do."

"How are you so sure that he asked me to do something?"

"You would not be so tense around him if he had not."

She could not deny the truth of his words, and she took a step back – hoping that he would stay as calm as he had the past few days with her. It had been two weeks and ten training sessions since the pilot and the Stormtrooper had escaped. The last time he had shown any real and threatening anger towards her had been that very same day. She hoped the streak could continue on a little longer; or perhaps even, forever. It made it easier to deal with Kylo as a separate person instead of the shell of a man she used to love. It made it easier to build up a new relationship with him.

"Tell me, Cara – I cannot promise that I will not hurt you unless you do."

She could hear the honesty of his words, and she knew that it was the only way he knew to deal with insubordination. She would have to tell him, take the chance of him not trusting her anymore, not as Ben, and not as Kylo. Not as anyone. Cara took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice before she spoke.

"General Hux tried to intimidate me into – he tried to blackmail into turning against you. He offered me the chance to get back to Jakku, back to the simple and boring life I lead before you captured me. There was a time when I thought that was what I wanted – I wanted it so desperately, I tried to escape with two men. You were there, you must have seen that look in my eyes. I know you did, Kylo. I know you were worried that you were going to lose me, somehow. But I realized that I still had something to fight for here, and that is why I helped them escape in the end. Because I have _you_ to fight for. I want to be here for you. For you, and for Ben,' she could tell that he wanted to correct her, but she kept on, not letting him get another word in – 'because you matter to me. More than you know."

He said nothing, the look in his eyes more than enough response for her. She could see the hurt in them, the betrayal – but there was also a slight sheen of hopefulness in them, as though her words were something he had been longing to hear but would not allow himself to hope for.

"You matter to me Kylo Ren, so when Hux asked me to push you over the brink, to leave you dangling in a pit of despair, I could not bear to tell you. I could not bear to tell you because I was worried that you would ask me to do the same thing. That you would ask me to push you over to the Dark Side once and for all, and then ask me to join you there."

He listened to her words intently, allowing them to sink in before he replied.

"That is not the only thing that has troubled you."

She wished he had said anything but that – because he was right, and it was something that had concerned her since the day General Hux had summoned her.

"I was worried that I would not be able to stop myself from following you." She said, her voice soft as she continued to try to deny it to herself.

She sat down, her legs finally losing their strength as the weight of her confession was lifted off her shoulders. He knew now. All that was left was to see how he would react.

"And now?"

"And now, I am still not sure what I would do. Not when it comes to you, or to Ben. Both of you."

He did not even attempt to correct her, and for that, she was grateful. Maybe he was finally remembering and accepting that Ben Solo was a part of him.

He did not move from his spot in front of her, not a single muscle twitched. It gave her the time to look him over, scrutinize every expression on his face. She knew he would not give her an easy answer, not unless his body language betrayed it.

Her eyes scanned his face, but there was not a twitch or a tremor in sight, no droplets of sweat, no flush on his cheeks or tears brimming his eyes to betray how he was really feeling. His expression was slightly strained though, and she wondered what it could mean, right up until she saw the discoloration on the front of his robes right underneath his shoulder. She stood up, trying to get a closer look. His eyes surveyed her with an inquisitive glance, wondering what it was she wanted to do. Cara's hand reached up, eventually touching the fabric against his chest, letting out a small gasp as she felt the wetness beneath her fingertips and the red colour staining them.

"Kylo, are you bleeding? What happened?"

He shook his head as if coming out of a deep sleep, finally noticing her hand on his chest and the placement of it. He grabbed her wrist tenderly, pushing it down and away from him. He did not let go of her though, and they stood like that for a while, each surveying the other as they tried to understand what was happening.

"Did this happen while you were away? Have you been straining yourself too much during our sessions?"

It was unthinkable; he had never broken a sweat, never cried out as though he was in pain. She could not understand where this wound had come from, and yet it was tangible and real, and quite deep, judging from the amount of blood staining his cloak.

"Yes, it happened while I was away. You do not need to concern yourself with it, Cara. It is just a minor scratch."

"A scratch would not have this much blood spilling out of it. Let me take a look at it." She said, her medical instincts kicking in.

"There is no need."

"Have you had this properly looked at?" She asked, staring at him pointedly. She needed him to understand that she would not allow him to walk away from her unless she examined the wound first. He sighed, seemingly understanding her defiant expression, and sat down, pulling his robes off his shoulders as he did so.

He pulled his undershirt off of his strong frame, and she gasped a little as she saw the size of the wound. It was most likely from a blaster, a darkened edge around it indicating the burning feeling that accompanied the onslaught from such a weapon. She lightly patted her fingers around it, trying to see if it would spark a pained reaction from him. He gave no indication that he was in pain – it was as though it did not even bother him.

"Are you trying to tell me that this does not hurt?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"I can barely feel it." He said, and she examined his eyes to see if he was lying, but there was nothing but honesty there. She could barely believe it. If a wound like this did not hurt, it once again hinted at just how strong he may be.

"Did this happen while you were away?" She asked, finally remembering that he still had something to tell her.

"Yes." He replied simply. She allowed the pads of her fingers to ghost over the skin around his wound, relishing the feeling of his warmth beneath her fingertips. It had been so long since she had been this close to him, this intimate. If she ignored her surroundings she could almost pretend they were back on D'Qar, leading the life she had always hoped they would have together.

"Will you tell me?" She asked, even though he had already promised her.

He looked at her hand on his shoulder, and for a moment she thought he would shrug it off. Instead, he kept his eyes on it, as though he could not tear his gaze away, before beginning to speak.

"We were doing a routine raid on a nearby planet – sympathisers of the Resistance had taken up residence there and I had an instinct that they had important information. They were mine to find, and mine to handle. The only task those insolent soldiers were given was to round up the rest of the villagers and make sure they would not try anything. Of course, being as incompetent as they are, they failed at their only task. I became angry, a burning hot desire to punish them coming over me – I had every right to be angry as it turned out that they were unable to even notice one of the villagers having cowered behind a nearby shack with a blaster gun. I was seeing red, and I decided to forego stopping the shot in favour of reprimanding the soldier that had let it happen. Fear is the only thing that can truly keep them in line. Seeing me hit by a blaster and not falter from it? That would only serve to frighten them further."

She could hear the more vicious side of Kylo Ren seeping through his words, the idea that he would willingly hurt himself only to prove his strength distressing her. She still had not taken her hands off of his shoulder however, not allowing herself to pull away.

"Is that all that happened? Did it backfire on you in some way?"

"No. It does not matter – it does not affect my abilities or my power in any way."

"So what did happen? Was this the village where you captured the pilot?"

"No, that was a different village. That was on Jakku."

Cara tensed, sensing that he was about to reveal something to her the magnitude of which she could not even begin to comprehend. She remained silent, signalling for him to continue.

"There was an elder there that had aided the pilot. He claimed to have known where I come from, before I became who I was truly meant to be. I had heard enough. There was sufficient evidence that he knew more than he was letting on, that he knew exactly what we were looking for. That information had already been passed on to the pilot, however. The man was of no use to us anymore."

"So you killed him." Cara whispered, almost not wanting to believe it. She knew that he had murdered and hurt people in the past – it was a detail of his life not so easily forgotten. That did not mean that it hurt any less whenever she was confronted with the truth of his deeds though.

"Yes,' he stated, as a matter of fact, 'but not before he showed me something. Not before he forced me to enter his mind."

She held her breath in anticipation of his next words.

"He showed me you, Cara. He knew you. Not only when you had lived on Jakku, but before that. When you were younger, during your time with Ben. He somehow knew who you were."

"What does that mean?" She asked, desperate to know.

"He showed me my own memories, Cara. He knew I could not deny it any longer."

She could feel her grip tightening on his shoulder, trying to anchor herself to his presence, if only to feel more grounded. She was dying to ask him what it was he could no longer deny, even though she had a feeling she already knew. It was an answer she had been waiting for since the day he had revealed his true identity to her.

"I could no longer deny who you were to me, Cara Nova. Not anymore."

Tears threatened to brim the rims of her eyes, but she forced herself to blink them away. Neither Kylo nor Ben would want to see her that way.

"And now? Who am I to you now?" She whispered.

"That is what worries me."

"How so?" She asked, sitting down on the bench next to him, sliding her hand down from his shoulder to his wrist, gripping it tight in order to steady herself. She looked him straight in the eye, trying to show him that she was ready for whatever it was he had to say to her.

"It worries me because I cannot imagine the path you will take any more than you do. But I need to know, Cara. I need to know if you will follow me. I need to know if you will stay by my side."

* * *

A/N: As always, and reviews are welcome and appreciated! I'm so glad so many people are enjoying this story. I hope you liked this chapter just as much as I liked writing it!


	29. Chapter 29

For the first time since she had arrived, Cara felt as though she and Kylo Ren were on the same page. Their future was as uncertain as it could possibly be. There was no knowing what would affect the outcome, and there was no way of knowing what would happen to either of them along the way.

"I cannot say, Kylo. I cannot know if I will follow you. Not unless you give me a reason, an indication as to why I should stay. As tempting as the Dark Side may be for you, for me even, if you are there – it is not who I am. You should know that better than anyone."

"It could be who you become." He said, worry clouding his judgement.

"And it could be that you can find it in your heart to tear yourself away from it." She said, moving her hand from his wrist to intertwine her fingers with his. His hands were clammy, the uncomfortableness and difficulty of the situation taking its toll on both of them. She refused to let go, however. She needed him now, more than ever. She needed both Kylo and Ben. She needed a friend.

"You know that that is not something I can promise you, Cara."

"I'm not asking for a promise! I'm just asking for a bit of hope." She said, desperation worming its way into her words.

"And that is also something I cannot give you. Not in regards to this, anyway."

"Ben Solo promised me once that he would never abandon me. You know that he is as much a part of you as you are of me. Please keep that promise for him. For me. Please." There was nothing she could do to stop herself from pleading. This was the furthest she had come with Kylo, the furthest she had gotten to uprooting whatever darkness it was that had forced its way into his being.

"Ben Solo and I are not the same person, as much as you may wish that we were."

"That is not what I meant –"

He drew his hand away from her, a feeling of rejection settling in the pit of her stomach. She decided to ignore her gut instinct – ignore the fact that he was clearly trying to pull away from her again. He stood up, trying to put some distance between them, and she followed, staying as close to him as was possible without actually touching him.

"But it is what you meant, though, is it not? You have felt lonely here, desperate for attention, affection. There was a voice in the back of your head that told you that I would one day be able to give that to you. You should have known better." He turned around to face her, seemingly surprised when he noticed just how close she was to him.

"Do not talk to me as though you've reverted back to your old ways, Kylo Ren. You have changed since you captured me, don't try to deny it."

"When will you understand that I can never go back to whoever it was that I used to be? Whoever it is that you would like me to be? There is no call to the light that is strong enough to erase the things that I have done in the past, nor that will change the things I want to do in the future. The things I am meant to do."

"What if you realized that all those things you are saying are just someone else's words of manipulation? They do not have to be _your_ words Kylo! They were not Ben's, certainly."

"How can you be so sure? You once apologized because you realized that he was trying to tell you something all those years ago. That he was trying to tell you how conflicted he was. Perhaps Ben Solo was already being called to the Darkness then, the same way I still am now." He said, clearly trying to make some sense of the situation. He was as confused as he'd ever been, and being so close to her made it harder for him to think.

"Let me show you something."

"I do not need another reminder of what used to be, Cara. I have seen enough of those."

"Please, just let me show you. One more memory, and I will never ask you to relive the past that way again; not unless you want to." She folded his hands in hers, attempting to show him just how much she wanted to help him.

He sighed, giving in to the imploring look in her eyes. He had strayed from his path this far, he may as well stray a little further. He entered her mind once more, trying but failing to ignore the pained look on her features as he intruded onto her memories. It was a look that allowed guilt to seep into his very core, but he relished the look on her face anyway – because in that moment, it was the only thing keeping him anchored to the Darkness.

* * *

 _Cara ran down the hallways, currently in a very serious game of hide and go seek with Ben. Some would call it a childish game, but she and Ben were thirteen years old, and still savoured the challenge of hunting each other down in the behemoth of a base that they lived in. It was like their very own concocted treasure hunt – one that they had practiced many times on all their adventures discovering every nook and cranny of the place they called home. Whenever they played, they each brought a book with them. It would sometimes take hours before the seeker could find the hider – they even imparted a rule that after a certain amount of time passed and you had not been found, the game was over anyway. If that rule had not been in place, they could have potentially stayed hidden away for days at a time._

 _The anticipation of waiting to be found had always made her anxious – there had been times when she had been alone for so long she had dug much too deep into her own thoughts. Ben had found her crying on one such day as she remembered her parents and all the things she wished she could tell them about her life with him. That was when they both had chosen to bring books along – too much time alone with your own mind could be quite harmful emotionally._

 _On this day, the game had not gone quite as planned. She had decided to hide out in a small alcove they had found quite near his parents' bedroom – it was tucked away at the far end of the hallway, completely invisible unless you were stood right in front of it. Before she could situate herself in her chosen spot however, she was stopped by none other than General Organa herself._

" _Hello, Cara, dear. Do you happen to know where Ben is? I'd like to talk to him about something." The woman said to her in a sweet and protective voice. She always knew how to make Cara feel right at ease._

" _We're actually playing hide and seek at the moment. I'm supposed to be hiding from him right now." She responded, excitedly. She was eager to fold herself up in the small corner, eager to start reading the book she had borrowed from him._

" _Oh alright, I'll let you get on with it then." The older woman said, laying a hand on the younger girls' shoulder before turning to walk down the hallway._

 _Cara started running again, anxious to make sure that Ben would not suddenly spot her still roaming around. Before she could reach the end of the hallway though, his mother once again stopped her with her words._

" _Actually, Cara, do you mind if I ask you something?"_

 _She turned around, not wanting to give the General a reason to become angry with her. She never had, of course; but there was a first time for everything, and Cara was in no hurry to find out what would happen if she ever crossed that line._

" _Uhm, yes. Okay." She responded, slightly confused as to what the General could possibly have to ask her._

" _How does Ben seem to you?"_

" _What do you mean?"_

" _How does Ben seem to you, just in general? I feel like he is distancing himself from me, from us. I'd like to know why."_

" _Ben seems fine to me." Cara responded, apprehensive to explain her true thoughts on the matter._

" _Are you sure?' Leia asked, seemingly knowing that the young girl in front of her was not being completely honest with her, 'You can tell me, Cara. It's okay. He's not in trouble or anything."_

" _He better not be, he hasn't done anything wrong!" Cara burst out, before she could stop herself. She slapped a hand over her mouth, frightened by the ferocity of her own words._

" _I never said he did." The General said, looking surprised at the sudden outburst._

" _I – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." Cara desperately tried to apologize, wanting to detach herself from this situation as soon as possible. Ben had confided in her plenty of times about why he was choosing to stay away from his parents – she did not have the heart to tell his own mother why._

" _That's alright. I just need to know, does he think he is in trouble for anything? I miss seeing him, and I just want him to know that he can come talk to me about anything." Leia said, genuine regret lacing her voice. Cara's heart went out to her – she remembered how saddened her own mother had looked whenever Cara had refused to play with her in favour of Ben._

" _He knows you are scared of him." She whispered, feeling slightly guilty about betraying her friend's confidence._

" _He has to know that we aren't frightened of him! He's our son, we love him." The older woman said in response, referring to herself and Han._

" _I don't think he doubts that you love him. I think he doubts that you feel safe around him. He's heard you whispering about him before – heard you say that it frightens you whenever he becomes angry."_

" _That is just a parents' concern. It does not change how we feel about him."_

" _But it does though, doesn't it? Every fearful look you give him makes him feel a little more insecure in who he is."_

" _But I –" The General started, but Cara interrupted her, wanting to finish her thought before running in the opposite direction to hide herself in the dark._

" _I know that you love him. Deep down, he knows this too. All I ask is that you look further than his anger and his tantrums. Look further than who it is he comes from! I have heard the tales, he has told me of his heritage. Ben is my friend, General Organa. I'm with him every day because I want to be. Not because he forced me, or because guilt is making me hang around him. He is my friend, and I care about him. I can see through the anger – believe it or not, he becomes angry with me sometimes too! But he is strong enough to overcome it – he is strong enough to push it away from himself and not project it onto someone else. That is the Ben Solo that I know. That is the Ben Solo I play and read and explore with every day. I just wish you could see him the same way I do. Stop thinking about this power that he has inside of him. That's all he needs."_

 _Cara could feel tears brimming in her own eyes, and did not want the General to see that this conversation had affected her so harshly. Before his mother could reply, Cara stormed off towards her hiding space, the darkness having a peculiarly calming effect on her as she tried to understand just how deep her friendship with Ben Solo had become._

* * *

She was suddenly snapped out of her reverie as Kylo pulled himself out of her mind. It had gone unnoticed by either of them that they had moved even closer to each other, their foreheads now resting against one another as Kylo leaned back against the wall to steady himself. He was trying to slow his breathing, as was she, and she could feel his warm breath fanning her face with every movement he made. She thought that he would push her away from him – that being this close would make him uncomfortable in some way. He seemed lost in his own thoughts however, and it was as if she was the only thing that currently made him feel grounded to reality.

After a few more moments of standing in that same position, Kylo finally gathered the courage to speak.

"Do you – do you still believe in me that same way?" He whispered.

"If you give me something that I can believe in, I will never stop." She said, neither of them daring to open their eyes. She lifted her hand to his face, stroking the soft skin of his cheek with her thumb while she willed him to tell her how he was feeling now.

"I don't know what I should do. What I need to do." He responded, his voice cracked with confusion.

"I cannot tell you what to do. I can only help with whatever it is you decide to move forward with."

"I don't – I don't know. I don't know what to do about you, about any of this." He continued, his eyes still closed as he leant into the touch of her hand.

They were so close – her body fully rested against his as she continued her ministrations on his cheek, hoping the repetitive movement would calm him down somewhat. She still did not dare to open her eyes, fearing it would ruin whatever trance he was in at the moment. She leant into him, revelling in the intimacy they were currently sharing, intimacy that she had longed for back on base all those years ago and had not realized she had been longing for since her capture until this very moment.

Suddenly, it was as if time stopped – the only sound she could hear was the rush of her own blood in her ears as she felt his lips softly brush against hers. There was no pressure there, just the lightest of touches; as if a feather was being stroked against her lips without her being warned about it. It was intimate and powerful – she could feel her heart stop beating for the millisecond that his mouth had brushed against hers, her heart desperately trying to tell her that she needed to lean into it and her mind telling her that it would only scare him away. She reciprocated the only way she knew how – giving him the lightest of kisses; just so that he would know that she wanted this too, whatever it was that was happening. It seemed that her response had been too much however; and before she could even comprehend what was happening, he had pushed her off of him and rushed out the door, much the same way he had done whenever they had begun a game of hide and go seek.

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A/N: I honestly can't believe I've written 29 chapters already. When I started with this fic I had originally only planned for about 16, but it just turned out that I apparently had more to say about these two than I originally thought. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you thought and thanks for following for so long!~


	30. Chapter 30

He had left her with a sickening feeling to her stomach, guilt ripping through her very being as she replayed their encounter over and over again in her mind. She felt as though she had let herself get carried away, forgetting who he was, who they were – and in that moment, the only thing she could remember was his touch, the feeling of his warm skin against hers as they shared a moment they had not shared in such a long time.

He had been Ben just as well as he had been Kylo; somehow, they had merged into one, allowing Cara to momentarily forget the pain she had felt when Ben had left her the first time and all the hurt Kylo had caused her since her capture. He had been all she had needed, both sides of him. Now she was left sitting alone again, for days on end, wondering when it would be that he would dare to come speak to her again.

Nine meals had come and gone since Kylo Ren had brushed his lips against hers, and without the friendly face of FN-2187 to keep her company nowadays, she had nothing to do but sit alone with her own thoughts. That was dangerous territory for her to stray into; she tended to dig too far and end up too deep within her own emotions. It blocked her ability to think clearly, and that was something she truly needed. There was no way of knowing when and how Kylo would come see her again. She needed to keep a level head when he did.

To keep her mind from wandering, she read the book he had loaned her over and over again. She read it so many times that she had memorized most of the stories, the illustrations burned into her mind's eye for the rest of her life. Every story she made up seemed to be an exact replica of one that she had already read, or they had ended up as a metaphor for her own life. Nothing she did seemed to be able to distract her from her predicament completely. Perhaps that was what he wanted. Perhaps he wanted her to wallow in her guilt until he could bring himself to face her again.

She had not even heard a single set of footsteps walk by her room over the course of the past three days, with the exception of the soldiers that brought her food. She was always listening, always hoping. Even a visit from General Hux would have been wanted at this point – he might have been able to give her an insight as to how Kylo – Ben – was dealing with what had happened between them. The General did not come however, and she could not help but feel that Kylo had scared him away from her for good. As welcome as that thought was, it was also a lonely one. The only interaction she would now have would be Kylo himself whenever he wanted to risk his presence, and the agitated Stormtroopers that brought her dinner with disdain.

These were the thoughts that kept circling through her mind, keeping her roused whenever she tried to sleep and irritating her whenever she was wide awake. Even now, as she once more read the last page of the enormous historical tomb sat on her lap, the never-ending cycle of memories haunted her. It was beginning to infuriate her – her fingers trembled and shook the page she was holding, her eyes began to blink rapidly as she felt a single drop of sweat make its way down her forehead. She stood up shakily, and threw the book against the opposite wall, letting out an ear-splitting scream that surely should have garnered the attention of everyone on this wretched planet. She had had enough, and she could feel her anger seeping through her very pores, allowing herself to finally feel all the pent up frustration and tension that had been brewing inside of her for so long. She was angry about her own guilt, angry about her being cooped up in this miniature room, angry about the way she had been treated. Most of all, though, she was angry at Kylo's apparent cowardice to come and face her. She was ready to see him. She needed him to come see her.

Cara yelled again, allowing all her resentment to be released in one fell swoop as she picked up the stool and smashed it against the wall repeatedly, in the exact same spot Kylo Ren had decimated with his lightsaber just a few weeks ago. It was liberating, letting all these negative emotions out – and since she had no one else to blame but herself and a man who was ignoring her, there was no other way for her to release her anger. She felt oddly strong, and capable, and she continued to smash the stool against the wall until one of the legs broke off. She emitted one more scream, one more vocalization of the anguish she felt for the life she had once known, and threw the stool away from her as it clattered against another wall and fell to the floor at the same time she did. Her breathing had become laboured with her efforts, her hands still shaking as she tried to regain focus. She had never let herself become so angry – not even when Kylo Ren had tried to push her to use it against him during their training sessions. She hated to admit this to herself, but it felt good. She felt liberated, exhilarated, as though nothing in the world could make her feel inferior or sub-par again.

Still clouded by her rage induced haze, she had not even noticed the many sets of footsteps that could be heard coming down the hallway. As her breathing steadied again and she finally realized the severity of what had just overcome her, the door swung open, startling her. There, in all his masked glory, stood Kylo Ren – the one he had been before she had started getting through to him. His mask was on, covering his familiar and delicate features, his hands once more covered in black leather gloves and his hand resting steadily on the hilt of his lightsaber. He did not say a word to her, only proceeded to stare at her, noticing the dishevelled state of her room and of herself. He smiled slightly underneath his mask, unbeknownst to anyone around – perhaps all his teachings about anger and rage had finally gotten through to her.

She did not say a word to him either, stunned at his sudden presence and confused as to the being there of the Stormtroopers outside in the hall behind him. Cara stood, still trembling, in order to get a better look at the situation in front of her. She looked behind Kylo Ren, and noticed that the troopers were holding another hostage – this one was a young girl, seemingly younger than Cara herself, fear in her eyes but determination in her features. The two women stared at each other, each trying to puzzle out the meaning behind the other's presence. Cara hoped that her current state of being would not scare the young woman away – there could only be something to be gained from another hostage who could potentially become an ally.

"I see you've taken to my teachings after all." Kylo said, the distorter in his mask making his voice seem much more menacing than it had been when she had last seen him. His words snapped both women out of their reverie, the young woman seemingly surprised that he would talk to her fellow hostage so civilly.

"You are the one who made me angry, Kylo. You should know why."

"Does it upset you that I left you here for a mere few days? I have other matters more important than you, Cara Nova. That is not something you should forget."

The young woman struggled against the grips of the soldiers holding her, seemingly wanting to get a closer look at the interaction between Cara and her vicious captor. Cara could not blame her; when she had first arrived here any bit of information about the mysterious masked man had been a blessing.

"Where have you been?" She asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear him confirm it anyway.

"I would have thought that was obvious."

"Where did you kidnap her from?" She asked, once more turning her gaze towards the woman in the hallway.

"Takodana. She is in league with the resistance. She has important information that I will retrieve from her."

"Will retrieve or will try to retrieve? I seem to remember you attempting the same thing on me. Perhaps she does not have any information to give."

"There is no use in speaking about matters of which you have no knowledge." Kylo said, his voice harsh behind his mask. She knew that he was trying to distance himself from her, but there was nothing that would allow him to forget what had passed between them. Least of all Cara herself.

"Then why are you allowing me to see her? Or were you so desperate to see me once you came back from your mission that you could not even spare the time to bring her to her cell first?" She goaded, trying to get a rise out of him.

"Enough!" He shouted, and she perceived all of his tell-tale signs of anger; but it no longer worried her. She was certain that he would not be able to hurt her. Not after what had happened, after what he had confessed to her. No matter how harshly he was treating her at the moment, he was still as confused as ever.

"Bring the prison to the interrogation chamber. I will meet you there. Strap her in to await my arrival." He said, directing his orders at the soldiers but not allowing his gaze to leave Cara.

Cara tore her eyes away from Kylo's mask long enough to lock gazes with the young woman currently being dragged off towards a room she was all too familiar with. She worried for the girl, worried for the pain Kylo Ren would undoubtedly cause her. She wanted to be able to stop him somehow – she knew that nobody deserved that kind of treatment, and yet, something about the woman's gaze made Cara feel at ease, as though she was capable of almost anything she set her mind to, and that a few mind tricks would mean nothing to her. The women nodded at each other before the soldiers were out of sight, and Kylo and Cara were alone in her cell once more.

"Your anger suits you." Kylo whispered, his voice becoming his familiar self even though he was leaving the mask on. His hand left his lightsaber, indicating that he was once becoming more relaxed in her presence. His words were complimentary, but they did nothing to boost her ego. They made her feel nauseous, as though his confirmation of her anger finally reminded her of who she truly was and what she had been close to becoming.

"Your avoidance does not."

"I cannot simply abandon my duties. No matter what happened."

"Does that exclude letting me know that you were leaving again? Does that exclude an apology of some sort, some acknowledgement of what happened between us? There is nothing you can do in this galaxy that will change the past, Kylo. You of all people should know that."

"I am not avoiding anything, as you imply. I am simply continuing to be who I am within the First Order."

She let out an exasperated sigh, knowing that her attempt to make him feel guilty was futile. No matter how he felt about her, he would carry out his duties as long as he felt that was what he was meant to do. Her presence and their relationship confused him, yes, but she realized that he held on to some sliver of hope that she would turn to the Dark Side with him that allowed him to continue his duties. A sliver that she had just turned into a beacon by showing him how much her anger could affect her.

"If anyone here is avoiding anything, it is you, Cara. There is no stopping the anger that boils inside of you. There is no ignoring it." He said, turning towards the door and towards the torture of his newest prisoner.

He left her standing there once again as the door fell shut behind him; and as the reality of his words sunk in heavy sobs began to rack her body until she had no more tears left to give.

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A/N: I hope there are no mistakes in this chapter, but I haven't been feeling well so it's possible that I missed one or two. In any case, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! All your lovely comments make it so much more fun and rewarding to write this story.


	31. Chapter 31

"So did she tell you what you wanted to hear?" Cara asked of Kylo, surprised at his sudden appearance in her room. She had been worried about the young woman all night, hoping that he would not let his other nature get the best of him. Whoever she was, she did not deserve that kind of treatment.

"That is none of your concern." He replied, as he paced around her small chambers. She could tell that he was nervous – something about his encounter with his latest prisoner was bothering him. She walked over to him, trying to get his anxious movements to stop. Grabbing his wrists, she pulled him to a standstill, trying to get him to look her in the eyes as she attempted to understand what was wrong.

"What happened?" She asked, hoping she would not have to pry too hard to get an answer from him.

"She is – what does it matter? Nothing happened, Cara."

"That is nonsense and you know it. You would not have come here if you were not so bothered by her. What did she do to you?" She asked, suddenly worried for him instead of the young woman. It was a foolish thought, of course, but there was a natural instinct to protect him within her, something that had grown even more pronounced since her angered outburst not a few hours earlier.

"She is more powerful than I thought. She is strong with the Force. Untrained, but strong." He whispered, a saddened look in his eyes that Cara could not quite comprehend.

"What does that mean? I thought – I thought that all the Jedi had been vanquished." Cara said, choosing her words carefully. She had heard the tales of his treason, of course. It was still hard to believe that was supposedly the same man standing in front of her now. She knew that he had been manipulated into that action; just as he had been manipulated into the First Order, and over to the Dark Side. Another swell of anger threatened to overtake her, but she took a deep breath to steady herself. There was no use in getting angry now, especially not at someone she was not able to direct her anger towards. The man who had manipulated Ben Solo in the first place.

"It means nothing, so long as she does not learn how to use her powers against me. I can train her, if I must."

"What did she do to you?' Cara asked again, knowing there was something he was not telling her, 'You are rattled, Kylo. Tell me why, I can help you."

"Of course you cannot help me. This is something I have to fix on my own. There is nothing you can do that will make any of this any easier. This girl is stronger than I could foresee. It needs to be dealt with."

"Dealt with how, exactly?" She asked, unsure if she actually wanted to hear the truth from him.

"That is for the Supreme Leader to decide."

At the mention of his Leader, Cara could feel her insides flaring up. The Supreme Leader was the one who had done this to him, to her. To the entire galaxy, if that was how far his plans were to extend. Kylo could sense the tension within her, immediately moved his hand to her cheek as he had done so only mere moments before with his prisoner. This time, however, it was full of care, and concern, instead of malice and intimidation. Cara was the one person who could help him calm down and regain some perspective. He had the same effect on her.

"Who fuels your hatred?" Kylo asked, curious to know what had gotten her so riled up.

"This Supreme Leader of yours. What has he ever done to help you, Kylo? I want to know. I want to know why you trust him so much."

"He has given me my entire life, Cara. Don't you see? He has given me the strength to become this man whose hand you are holding right now – the strength to resist weakness and all the pain that comes with being fragile. If not for him we would not be here right now, together."

"If not for him you might have come back to me much sooner." She said, tears welling up in her eyes as she felt the honesty of her words right down to her very bones. It was a fact that she had ignored up until now; but there were so many choices the both of them could have made in the past, so many decisions they should have made that would have saved them both the pain and anger and frustration of the last few months. It all came down to the Supreme Leader, but sadly, there was nothing she could do about it. She did not have the strength to defy Kylo Ren, nor did she really want to. Not anymore. She needed him just as much as he needed her. She knew that now, and she was not willing to let go.

"The two of you are quite alike, actually." He said, as though he was talking more to himself than to her. She shook her head in confusion, not knowing what he was referring to. As he noticed the disordered look in her eyes he amended his earlier statement into something that took her by surprise.

"The girl. I probed her mind. She is not unlike you. Well, the way you were. When you first arrived here."

"And how is that?" She asked, slightly nervous as to what it was he would say.

"Lonely and sad lives on Jakku. Hungry for affection. Though there is a hint more desperation in her than there ever was in you, Cara. You were never desperate, always defiant. She longs for Han Solo to be a kind of father figure to her. A pathetic wish that will never come to fruition. There was never that sort of desperate hope within you. You knew exactly where you stood."

"Not always. Not with you."

A mere hint of a smile graced his features, indicating that he was pleased to hear her say so.

"But look at you now! You have grown so much. Your anger has made you even stronger than I could have imagined. All that rage that was boiling inside you; magnificent. It makes you who you are. It is what makes me who I am. It is what brings us together."

She could feel her throat tighten and her mouth become dry as she listened to his words. One side of her enjoyed his praise and relished in the fact that he appreciated her. That he wanted her. The other side of her, the more rational side, knew that he was leading her down a dark and slippery slope. One that she needed to escape from or she would never be the same again; but it was hard to look away from his eyes that were so full of pride. She wanted him to be proud of her, more than anything. It was a twisted and sinister feeling that made her stomach churn. She finally realized that she was now the one at war with herself – Kylo Ren was steadily becoming surer of himself while Cara was becoming the chaotic mess, a raging battle happening within of which her own anger was the instigator.

She tried to focus, but it was difficult, a combination of the mess of thoughts swirling within her to his proximity and the touch of his fingers against her cheek. He did not even have his gloves on, she realized, and his skin felt electric against hers, almost making her forget her troubles, forget that there was anything wrong. It was only the two of them, here and now. Snoke and the young woman did not matter, Han Solo and Leia Organa and FN-2187 and General Hux did not matter. Nobody mattered. Only the two of them. She could feel her heart beat quickening as she met his gaze, her breath becoming unsteady as she remembered how his lips had felt against her for the briefest of moments before he had run away from her. She could not feel him within her mind, and yet it was still as though he was reading her thoughts, moving his fingers under her chin as he spoke the words she did not realize she had been longing to hear.

"I am sorry I ran away from you before I left." He whispered, and she could feel herself melting into his touch, intoxicated by the warmth of his body so close to her.

"Then why did you?" She asked, so quietly she was barely able to hear the words herself.

"You frighten me." He answered earnestly, and she could hardly stand to hold his gaze as he looked at her with so much anguish and emotion.

"How is that even possible?" She laughed breathily, stunned by his answer and not knowing how to respond.

"It frightens me how much I need you."

His honesty was so refreshing, and Cara felt the only way she could repay it was with honesty of her own. He needed to know how troubled she was feeling, torn between two sides of herself she had not even known had existed until recently. Until he brought them out in her.

"If I frighten you then I believe you should know that I frighten myself too."

"How so?" He asked, a slight tremor in his voice indicating that he was worried about her answer.

"I am frightened by the anger within me. You're right, I cannot ignore it. It has been there for longer than I realized, but I do not want it to be there. I never did. But there is a part of me that longs for it because that is what you long for, Kylo, and I wish to understand you better. Ben was often angry, and it scared me. You can be very angry, and that scares me too. Myself, though? That is an anger of which I cannot predict the outcome; and I don't know what to do about it."

There was a hardened look in his eyes which made her fearful for his response. She knew how much he wanted her to embrace her anger, because it was what made his own choice easier for him. The self-doubt within her reflected his own, and as long as it lasted his would last too, no matter how sure he had become of himself over the past few days.

"Anger does not need to frighten you. It is a part of who we are, who everyone is. It is an emotion like any other, an emotion that can be used. I need you to understand this, Cara. I need you to know that it is okay to feel what you feel."

"I don't think I can ever be sure, or fully understand."

The hardened look in his eyes became even more prominent, making her wonder what it was he was thinking. She wanted to know how he felt about her indecision, about her confusion – perhaps they could work out their problems together and be stronger, together. Before she could ask what it was he meant though, he had grabbed her face roughly between both of his hands and placed his lips upon hers once more.

This kiss was not fragile at all, the intensity increased a thousand fold since last time as he kissed her ferociously and without pause. She became lightheaded, forgetting her current predicament as she kissed him back with an amount of passion she did not even know she had inside of her. She was fuelled by his desire, fuelled by her own heated craving that came with every touch of his lips and hands against her. His hands had moved down to her waist, and she had tangled her fingers in his long hair, trying to pull him even closer to her, if that was at all possible. She was lost in a blinding white heat – anger, passion, confusion, all rolled into one delicious and heady kiss that would stay with her long after it had finished.

As their need to breathe finally got the best of them, she could barely look him in the eye as she tried to comprehend what had just happened. Her forehead rested against his, and she could feel his chest rising and falling as he struggled to catch his breath the same way she was. It was hard to find the right words to say after such a moment, wondering where it had come from and wishing it did not have to end.

"The effect you have on me is strong, Kylo Ren. I can't seem to pull myself away." She whispered finally, momentarily forgetting all the questions that had been developing within her before she had been swept up in such a heated moment.

He moved his head to look at her, taking in her dishevelled state and smiling slightly to himself. If his goal had been to make her forget about her uncertainty and fear over the turmoil within her, he had succeeded. He would continue to help her forget until she could no longer separate the anger within herself.

"That effect has only become stronger because you have finally allowed yourself to feel what it is you truly feel, Cara,' He swept a strand of her away from her face, and a shiver ran up her spine at his touch, 'do not be afraid to be who you really are."

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A/N: This update took a day longer than usual, and I apologize for that, but I am feeling better! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always. I think I should give you guys a fair warning that we are starting to approach the end (there's still a good couple of chapters to go though, don't worry!) but it will end along the TFA timeline.


	32. Chapter 32

Cara had fallen asleep after her rather weary confrontation with Kylo. Everything he had said to her, every time he had touched her, that kiss – it was too much to handle. She had barely been sleeping the last few nights; but with his comforting presence there it was all too easy to succumb to a hopefully dreamless sleep from which she could finally find some rest.

Sadly though, she was violently pulled out of unconsciousness by a sharp pounding on her door. Startled, she looked around the room, worry suddenly overwhelming her as Kylo was nowhere to be seen. She wondered who could be at the door now; she was fairly sure it was not time for a meal, and Kylo would never come back so soon, especially not after their last encounter. Not unless he had a reason.

She stood up rather quickly, shaking her head to try and rid herself of the sleep that still threatened to take over control of her eyes. She peeked around the corner, hoping to see who was standing at the door through the small window, surprised when she was confronted with the face of Kylo's newest prisoner. The young woman with so much willpower in her eyes.

Cautiously she walked towards the door, not really knowing what to expect but curious nonetheless. How had this stranger gotten out of her binds? How had she found her way back to this room? Perhaps, most importantly of all, what was she even doing there? Cara remembered what he had told her about this young woman – she was strong with the Force, only beginning to comprehend what it was she was capable of. She was impressed; Kylo had not been lying. This girl must be incredibly sensitive to the Force to have come so far in escaping. Cara had needed two men just to try and help her get off of this miserable planet, and that had not even gone as planned.

As she finally made it to the door, the young woman on the other side looked at her with such urgency in her eyes that Cara wanted to ask her what was wrong. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, as though she knew exactly what the woman was going to ask her without even really needing to utter the words. Cara dreaded the question, because she did not know the answer. She was not sure she could even give the right one.

"Who are you?" The girl asked, with a kind voice slightly muffled by the door, eyes wide with curiosity as she took in Cara's rather haggard appearance.

"My name is Cara."

"How long have you been here?" The girl continued, obviously wondering as to what her purpose there was. She had seen the way Cara had interacted with Kylo Ren, with the masked man who so longed to be like Darth Vader. It was a mysterious relationship, something deeper that she would never truly be able to understand.

"I'm not entirely sure. A few months, I suppose."

"A few months?' The young woman said, rather incredulously. She studied the woman in front of her; a woman who had been a prisoner here for a few months, who on the outside looked incredibly lost and tired – ragged hair, sunken cheeks, pale skin. On the inside though, it was clear that this was a woman with strong conviction; it was plainly visible in her eyes. 'Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"How are you still…alive?"

Cara let out a small chuckle, knowing like no other that there was no easy way to answer that question. There were many times that she had thought she would be killed on this planet, many times where that threat had seemed so inevitable she had almost made peace with it. Then one moment, she could not even pinpoint exactly which one, everything had changed – and she forgot where she was and why she had been taken there in the first place, and the only thing that mattered was Kylo Ren and his counterpart Ben Solo. All that had mattered was getting through to him. She may not have fully gotten Ben back yet, but there was so much in Kylo that was Ben; the way he looked at her, the way it felt when he touched her, the way he spoke about needing her and wanting her to stay with him. Theirs was a complicated relationship, filled with anger, jealously, regret, guilt, friendship and love. How could she possibly explain that to a complete stranger on the other side of a door, with the imminent danger of being caught continuously looming over their heads?

"That is hard to explain."

"He did not look at you the way he looked at me." The young woman said, obviously having picked up on the chaotic dynamic between Cara and Kylo.

"No, I suspect he wouldn't."

"Can you tell me why?"

"That would be even harder to explain,' Cara said, trying to delay the inevitable question a bit longer. Anything that would put off her having to make that same decision that FN-2187 had asked her to make all those days ago, because she was not sure she would be able to give the same answer. 'What's your name?"

"I'm Rey." The young woman answered, and Cara smiled, happy to be able to put a name to the face stood in front of her.

"Well, Rey, can I ask you a question?"

"If you like."

"Why are you here?"

"He knows I've seen something important to him. Important to the First Order. He tried to take it from me."

"And I gather he did not succeed?"

"No, I don't think he did." Rey said, locking eyes with Cara through the thick pane of glass.

The two women took in each other's appearance then, trying to understand whether they were friend or foe to one another. It was hard for Rey to decide; on the one hand, Cara seemed very much like a prisoner – trapped in a tiny room with no means of escaping, the fatigued look on her face indicating the hours and days she had spent alone, confined and afraid. On the other hand, there was something about the way her captor had spoken to her, as though they knew each other, intimately.

"That's the answer you were hoping I would give, I take it." Rey said, acknowledging the relieved expression on Cara's face.

"Yes."

"I can get you out of here you know, if you want. At least, I think I can. I can try." Rey continued, an adamant look gracing her features as she tried to feel the Force around her once more. She recognized the pained look on the other woman's features – it was a look she had felt reflected on her own face when asked to leave Jakku for good. It was dawning on her just what this man must mean to her in, some way. Rey just could not understand why.

Cara said nothing, her silence more than enough of an indication as to the confusion she felt on the inside. How could she leave Ben, Kylo even, now that she was so close to building up a relationship with him once more? Could she bring herself to be the cause of that betrayed look in his eyes again, as she may finally leave him for good? Was she ready to do that to herself, to give him up? Everything spun around in her head, taunting her with this current predicament. Why could nothing just be simple? Why did fear have to rule her every decision?

"I can tell that he's important to you." Rey said finally, trying to coax a response out of the other prisoner.

"Yes, he is. Very much so, actually."

"I don't suppose I would understand."

"Well, the short version is that I used to know him. A long time ago, when he went by a different name and a different…personality."

"And the long version?"

"I suspect you do not have time for the long version."

"I will if you come with me. I can get you out of here. I don't think you deserve to be here anymore than I do, Cara. No matter how much he may make you feel as though you want to stay."

Cara could feel a touch of resentment boiling up inside of her at the implication that Kylo was forcing her to stay. She was not one to be ruled by someone else, and yet this young woman that barely knew her was implying that that was the reason she was still here. As though this was an easy choice to make.

"He is not making me do anything." Cara replied, a slight tint of malice weaving its way through her words as she narrowed her eyes at Kylo's newest prisoner.

"Then come with me. I won't begin to think that I understand why you're so confused about escaping – and I won't push for answers if you don't want me to. But you can think about it on the way. It might be easier for you to make a decision if you've actually got the opportunity to get away from here."

Cara stilled for a moment, allowing the young woman's words to sink in as she tried to predict the consequences of her trying to leave again.

"Why are you _here_ , Rey? Why did you come back to see me? Why would I possibly matter to you?" Cara said, and she could hear some of Ben and Kylo seeping its way into her question, a crushing need to know how someone could even care enough about her to risk their lives for her, or even to come speak to her. It was a fear that she had felt ever since Ben had left her, a fear that she had buried deep within herself until Kylo Ren had succeeded in unleashing her anger. It seemed with anger came fear and doubt, about yourself, and everyone around you. Something snapped into place for Cara then; the temper tantrums, the irrational violence and malevolence that Kylo Ren so often displayed. It was a fear born out of anger, and it was a fear that terrified Cara more than anything else, because it was now beginning to fester inside of her as well. Distrust in everyone. It dawned on her that Kylo and even Ben inside of him would never fully be able to trust her because of that. It dawned on her that she would probably never fully be able to trust him now either.

"I don't know if you matter to me yet, but I believe that everyone who has not had a choice in coming here deserves another chance to be who they want to be. A friend of mine taught me that." Rey smiled a little, and Cara felt a sense of recognition at the sentiment.

"If I come with you, I think it is only fair if you know that you cannot entirely trust me."

"I think you warning me about yourself might be reason enough to trust you." Rey replied.

There was a part of Cara that wanted to go search for Kylo the moment this door opened – to find him, tell her how he had made her feel yesterday, how confused and distraught she was because of him. How much her anger scared her and yet how much she thought she might want it as well, all because of him. She wanted to warn him about his prisoner escaping as much as she wanted to help Rey escape; because she had been in that same position – intimidated by a man in a mask for no good reason other than pure malice. Most of all though, she wanted to know what it was she needed for herself, right now; because as long as she did not know what it was she wanted, she would never be able to control her own impulses. Perhaps Rey was right. Perhaps Cara needed an opportunity like this to tell her what she truly needed, wanted, and deserved.

"I cannot promise that I will come with you when it counts, or what my actions may be if we run into him."

"I know."

"Then you are either unbelievably naïve, or just incredibly brave." Cara said, marvelling at the determined look in the young woman's eyes.

"I think the only way to answer that is to try to get out of here, now."

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A/N: I just want to say to all my frequent reviewers, thank you so much. Your lovely thoughts and messages mean a lot to me! I'm so happy that people read this story. I will have a new chapter up soon, I promise!


	33. Chapter 33

_She could feel somebody's nails scratching against her skin, she could feel the grip of their fingers around her wrist and yet she saw no one. No one was around her; she was surrounded by complete darkness, no light to guide her way. It was terrifying and strangely calming at the same time. Nothing in this darkness could remind her of the pain she felt whenever she thought about her parents or the worry she felt whenever she contemplated about Ben and his future – but there was still someone trying to grab at her, brushing against her legs, the darkness making it impossible for her eyes to see what it was that was trying to get her attention. Whatever it may be had tightened its grip on her legs, trying to tell her something, but her fear won out and she screamed as hard as she could. Her throat became sore, her eyes had started to sting, and yet no sound came out. She could feel a tremor in the air around her, but no sound could be heard but the whispering coming from underneath the soles of her bare feet. She tried to move, but was rooted in place by the ghosts holding her hostage, here in this dark place, where no one could hear or see her –_

 _Cara woke with a sweat, screaming her lungs out, desperate to know if she had actually woken up or if this was just another part of the dream. A piercing scream escaped past her lips, sure to wake up the entire wing of the base where her room was located. After she finally contained her wails of terror, she breathed heavily, a shiver running up and down her arms as she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Her dream was not an uncommon one; the only thing that sometimes changed were the whispers that came from the unseen beings. Their messages were never very clear, and as much as Cara hoped she would never have such a dream again, she needed to know what they were trying to tell her. For the first time however, she had heard a single word. A single word that had sent her mind reeling into chaos._

 _Suddenly, her door slammed open, the light in her room being switched on so abruptly that she had to take a moment to let her eyes adjust. Ben stood in her doorway, surveying the room, as though he was worried that someone had entered in the middle of the night with the explicit purpose of trying to hurt her. When he saw her cowering in her bed however, he quietly closed the door behind him, not wanting to give her another reason to be startled._

" _Cara, are you alright?"_

" _No." She replied simply, a faint feeling of someone grabbing her wrists still tangible on her skin. It was as though those beings were still there, haunting her, trying to tell her what was wrong. She could not shake the feeling that she was being watched, somehow. That was what the nightmare always left her with._

" _Did you have that dream again?" He asked, Cara having confided to him about her recurring nightmare often. He was just as curious as her as to what the voices were trying to tell her. He believed that dreams could contain powerful and important messages. If this dream was happening as often as it was, it must mean that something larger was at play within her mind that she had yet to understand._

" _Yes. I can still feel them around me,' she said, another shiver running across her entire body, this time even reaching her toes, 'how did you even know?" She asked, wondering how he could possibly have understood that she was in distress._

" _I always know when it comes to you, Cara. I can feel it."_

 _Her lips threatened to shape themselves into a small smile as he slowly made his way over to her bed._

" _Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, wondering if there was anything new she could tell him this time._

" _Not particularly, no."_

" _Did the voices tell you anything understandable?"_

 _She hesitated before answering, unsure whether or not she should tell him the truth. It was a complicated situation, and she could not be sure how he would react. Her head was telling her not to tell him, but her heart yearned to relieve herself of this burden. After all, it was a dream – how much impact could it possibly have?_

" _No. I still couldn't hear anything." She said, between shallow breaths. She surprised herself with her answer, hardly believing that she had actually lied to him. She could not remember the last time she had lied to him. Perhaps that was because she never had. Nine years since they had met and she had never felt as scrutinized under his gaze as she did right now._

" _Are you sure? Think back, Cara. Perhaps understanding what the voices are trying to tell you is the key to making sure you never have this awful nightmare again."_

 _There was a wild look in his eyes, one that she only saw whenever he was hunting for some long lost treasure within the base or whenever he was thirsty for more knowledge of the awful history his parents had lived through. It worried her, because it was a look he almost never shared with her. It was not a look she wanted to encourage._

" _I – I'm sure. They surrounded me, Ben. I could feel them everywhere, and yet I could not see them. Who are they? Why are they in my nightmares? I don't understand. I'm afraid, Ben. It terrifies me."_

 _He sat down on the bed next to her, the look in his eyes softening somewhat as he took in the tired and dishevelled appearance of his friend. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she breathed a sigh of relief as the heat from his body allowed for some the cold sweat on her skin to dry out. He rubbed his thumb along her forearm, allowing them to sit in silence for a while, listening to the rain outside streaming down her window._

" _Do you remember when I took you out to see the lightning storm?" He asked, snapping them both out of the comfortable silence as she turned her head to regard his face._

" _Yes, of course I do. How could I forget? It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."_

" _I'm glad I got to share that with you,' He said, the right corner of his mouth curling upwards a bit in an attempt to comfort her, 'that place is important to me."_

" _I know it is. I'm glad you thought I was worthy of it."_

" _I hope you feel I am worthy of sharing in your experiences too, Cara." He said, and it was meant to sound familial and friendly, but there was an underlying tone of manipulation to his words – as though he knew that she was holding something back and he was trying to guilt her into telling him what it was. He had always been unreasonably curious as to the nature of her nightmares, as though he knew something about it that she did not. It worried her, just as the wild look in his eyes had worried her only a few moments before. She could not let him emotionally guilt her into telling him the truth. She feared it would only serve to agitate him further._

" _You know I do, Ben. I've always told you everything." She said, oddly still comforted by the feeling of his hand on her arm but feeling rather tense as well. His words were doing nothing to ease her frenzied mind, but her body was finally starting to relax._

" _Yes, I know."_

 _With those words, she knew that he was aware that she was lying to him. It hurt, because she knew that he would be leaving soon – there was no postponing his need for training anymore. She just hoped he would not distance himself from her. Not when she was just beginning to become immensely confused as to what he really meant to her. Not while this lie hovered between them._

* * *

"You grew up together." Rey had stopped running, turning around to face her new companion in the middle of a deserted hallway. Cara stumbled to a stop, surprised at the young woman's words.

"Excuse me?" She asked, wondering what that meant.

"You grew up together. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry – but you were thinking about him so hard, that memory – it was at the forefront of your mind. I could almost hear it in my own head." Rey replied, looking quite sheepish. It was clear that the girl had not meant to invade Cara's personal thoughts; and it was hard to become angry when she had let herself get so carried away in a memory while they were trying to escape this awful place.

"Yes. We did."

"No wonder he means so much to you."

"As I have said before, that's complicated."

"I won't pry – I promise."

Cara took a moment to collect herself, shaking her head in a feeble attempt to try and rid herself of the memory. She had not had those nightmares in a long time – in fact, the last one she had was right before Ben had left D'Qar for training with Luke. She never realized it until now, but it was almost as though the voices had been telling her about him, warning as to what was to come; and as soon as he left, there was no point to the dreams anymore because there was nothing she could do to stop the change that had begun to fester within him. It was yet another sign that she had missed, another signal that had been thrust in her face alluding to the conflict within him that she had somehow managed to ignore.

"Maybe someday you'll trust me enough to tell me yourself." Rey said, surprising Cara with her openness and the kind look in her eyes. She could tell that the young scavenger had secrets and severed relationships of her own that she had tried to supress, and Cara was thankful that she seemed to understand the importance of keeping some of those details to yourself.

"How can you be so sure that we will get out of this? That you can trust me?"

"I have to. What choice do I have?"

Once again, Cara was struck by the blind faith Rey seemed to have in the world. There were so many factors working against them, having experienced most of them first hand. Naïve or not, this young woman knew what she wanted and was not afraid to fight for it. Cara had felt the same once. Now, with the anger constantly building up inside of her, the conflict raging within her she had lost sight of what she was fighting for. Was she fighting to get Ben back, or was she merely fighting to keep herself close to him in whatever way she could, in as selfish a manner as possible?

Suddenly, both women froze in place, fear settling in as they heard the stomp of heavy footsteps coming down from the other end of the hallway. Cara had a feeling that it was Kylo, having no doubt been alerted as to the absence of his prisoner, scouring the hallways for her by himself, just as he was always prone to do. Cara shot Rey a desperate look, indicating that the young woman was to go on by herself so that Cara could distract him. Rey looked uncertain, not wanting to leave her new comrade behind but also knowing that it was better if one of them got out of this hellish place instead of neither. Finally making up her mind, Rey ran further down the corridor, shooting one last apologetic glance towards Cara before turning around the corner and out of sight.

Her first instinct was to hide, but Cara knew it would be hopeless – Kylo could sense her from miles away, and he would find her, only making her presence there all the more suspicious. As far as he knew, she had no reason to fear him. Her best bet was to stay in the hallway in plain sight, hoping to distract him long enough to give Rey a fighting chance before he realized what she had done.

His footsteps came closer, and she tried to steady her breathing; anything to hide the fact that she would be lying to him. It was still not something that came naturally to her, even after all these years, even after all the things that had now happened between them. Cara could barely lie to Ben, and now she could barely lie to Kylo. It was a vicious cycle that she had started herself, and Cara could feel another surge of anger rolling within, becoming angry that she had no one else to blame for her current predicament.

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A/N: Again, thank you. That's all I really have to say for now. Thanks for the follows, favourites and reviews. Every new reader just makes it that much more fun to write.


	34. Chapter 34

The footsteps grew nearer, and Cara had to fight the urge to run. If it was indeed Kylo Ren, the situation would be bad enough. If it turned out to be someone else, someone who would not be so lenient about her wandering the halls – there would be a price to pay. She could not even fathom what her punishment would be.

She sucked in a breath, hoping to calm the trembling of her limbs and fingers so as to make any lie she told that much more convincing. She waited, but the footsteps had suddenly stopped, right before whoever they belonged to turned the corner so that Cara could see who she was about to face. The stranger's pause gave her a new moment to consider hiding, but there was nowhere to go. She was trapped.

She wondered if the person had gone into one of the control rooms that ran the length of the hallway, but she realized that she would have heard one of those heavy metal doors opening and closing. It was almost as though the person needed a moment to collect him or herself too, and Cara felt a surprising rush of sympathy for whoever it was that was stretching out this moment of terror, knowing exactly what that feels like.

It did not take long to find out who was waiting for her around the bend of the hallway however; they did not even need to show their face. The familiar surge and crackling sound of a lightsaber filled her ears, and the corridor was cast in an eerie red glow the likes of which she had seen quite a few times before. It was Kylo, just as her suspicions told her, but she wondered why he was waiting, why he had drawn his lightsaber. Surely, he would have felt her presence by now. Why not make himself known?

It took a few more agonising seconds, but he finally turned the corner, his helmet on once more, making Cara's heart sink with disappoint. She wanted to see his face, she never wanted to stop seeing his face – and whenever he hid it from her it made her want to yell in frustration. There was something so comforting about his familiar features, his smirk, and the way she could tell if he was getting angry just by looking at the change in colour of the irises of his eyes. She knew him, even though she still did not fully understand him. That familiar urge to pull off his mask was taunting her once more, to be as close to Kylo as she had been not all too long ago, but the presence of his lightsaber stopped her. His gloves were also on, slimming the chances of any real human contact between them, and Cara tried to avert her gaze as best she could, both to hide her displeasure and the need to lie to him.

"Cara." He said quite simply, his voice a strange mixture of tenderness and disapproval through the distorter in his mask.

"Kylo, I'm sorry – I was looking for you. One of the troopers came by to bring my meal, and suddenly there was all this commotion in the hallway and he forgot to close my door properly. I needed to know what was happening, if you were alright –"

"What do you know of what happened?" He asked, and she breathed a small sigh of relief at the lack of an accusatory tone in his voice.

"Nothing – but I can only imagine."

"The girl, she escaped. She cannot leave this planet."

The urgency of his words made Cara curious. Why did Rey matter so much? She may be strong with the Force, but she could not imagine that it was an affinity stronger that Kylo's.

"What happens if she escapes?"

"It is not something that you should worry about, Cara. I will deal with it on my own."

"But don't you see? You don't have to! I can help you Kylo, as much as you may believe otherwise. I can help you understand what you need to do, what you want to do. You have taught me so much, Kylo. Let me use that knowledge and the anger you awakened inside of me to assist you."

His head tilted downwards, and she could imagine the softening of his expression at her words. She felt awful for manipulating him like this, but it was necessary if she was going to give Rey a fighting chance. There was another part of her though, a part that enjoyed how easy these lies and devious words were coming out of her. It was a strange feeling of power, being able to sway him so easily with only her sentiments. Perhaps she was becoming more and more like Kylo Ren after all. She could tell that he had not even tried to look inside her mind yet, to see if she was telling the truth. He trusted her more now than he had at any point during the build-up of their relationship the entire time she had been on this planet. It made her feel powerful, and she tried to use her new found confidence to squash the guilt that was beginning to swell within her.

"Thank you, Cara. You have already helped me more than you know. Just by being here, by listening to me."

She tried to swallow her remorse, having temporarily forgotten who it was standing in front of her – It was Kylo Ren, and it was Ben, and she wanted to be able to embrace this new found confidence and strength within herself without feeling guilty about her own selfish need to be with him. She needed to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Something else bothers you as well, Kylo."

"How could you possibly know that when you cannot see my face?" He asked, his voice still distorted by his mask.

"Because I know you, Master of the Knights of Ren. Better than you seem to think I do."

He was silent for a minute, contemplating whether or not it was a good idea to share his worries with her.

"Han Solo is here. I can feel his presence."

Cara gasped, genuinely surprised at his response. It made the entire situation even more complicated. Did that mean that Ben's father had come back for Rey, and for his son? Kylo had told her that Rey looked at Han as a sort of father figure, much the same way Cara had done when she was younger. It saddened her that Han most likely had no idea that she was also trapped on this planet; would he even try to help her if he did? She had been here for so long, and had changed quite a lot along the way. Even she knew that she did not exude the same personality as she had when she was first brought here. Would he even recognize her? Would he condone how close she had become with the person that had once been his son?

"What will you do?" She asked, and as she said the words she could feel a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach – as though the ghosts from her nightmares had come back to haunt her, trying to tell her something through her own instincts.

"That is not something I will burden you with." The tone of his voice was harsher, determined. It worried her, it frightened her, and it angered her. What could she possibly say to change his mind? How had he managed to make her feel so small and insignificant again in just the span of a few short seconds?

"It would seem I have infuriated you." He continued, taking a step closer towards her, laying his free hand on her upper-arm. It was the arm that he had injured weeks before, and even though the wound had started to heal, it was still sensitive to the heat from his hands, a tingling sensation spreading throughout her limb at his touch.

"It would seem you have." She retorted, trying to distance herself from him. The closer he got, the easier it would be for him to break her.

"I do not mean to make you feel irrelevant. You are an important part of me, and every day that you choose to stay here with me is a day that makes it easier for me to understand what I have to do. That's all because of you. I may have unlocked an anger inside of you that you do not understand yet, but you have unlocked a potential in me that I have finally been able to take control of. And yet I know that you are conflicted – I know this because I used to feel the same way. You gave me a sense of balance, Cara. I hope I can do the same for you in the future. As long as you remain by my side."

His words were incredibly endearing, and she felt a rush of affection for just Kylo Ren – these were not the words of Ben Solo, as much as the tone of his voice and his current demeanour might make them out to be. These were the words of Kylo Ren, a man who had captured her because he knew that he would need her someday, and now he wanted her to stay. She understood that his words were a plea. She did not understand why this plea was necessary though. As glad as she was that she had been able to help Rey escape, as hopeful as she was that FN-2187 had indeed gotten away, Kylo Ren, and whatever may be left of Ben inside of him, was all that truly mattered in her life. She hoped there was nothing to come that would change that.

"I can help you search for him, if you like." She said, trying to answer his kind words with ones of her own. Again, she felt a tug at her gut, a brushing against her legs, and for a moment she could almost imagine she was back in her nightmare, straining to hear what the ghosts around her were trying to say. She ignored the sensation, shaking her head violently to get rid of the voices and the feeling of dread that was threatening to overwhelm her. It was as though her head was once again trying to tell her that she was missing a signal, a sign that was pointing to Kylo Ren's next deed. Once again, she disregarded them. She trusted him, just as he trusted her.

"I know you would, but I cannot be sure of what he will do to you if he sees you."

She could hardly imagine that Han Solo would do anything to harm her. She had warm and loving memories of him – trying to cheer her up after her parents died, teaching her and Ben about the mechanics of the Millennium Falcon, and playing games with them whenever they were bored. There were quite a few of those tender memories, but as soon as she thought of them she remembered how many of them were also tainted with a hint of resentment. He had often left Ben and Leia alone to fend for themselves, and when Ben had disappeared, he had disappeared too. Ben had more often than not been angry with his father, and since Cara was Ben's best friend, she would always take his side. It had never truly occurred to her to hear Han's side of the story. It was biased, she knew, but the same animosity that Ben had felt towards his father was evident in Kylo's voice. It was a bleak reminder of how much Ben had changed and yet also remained the same when he had become Kylo Ren.

"What would you like me to do then?" She asked, hoping more than anything that he would change his mind and ask her to come with him. She could not bear the idea of being separated from him right now – she needed to see with her own eyes what he was going to do about his father, what he would say to him, if she could hear Ben in Kylo's sentiments and recognize him in his actions. She feared she would not believe his account of the story if he came back to visit her in her cell later, no matter how much she may want to.

"Go back to your room, Cara. I will come for you when this is all over."

She wondered what that meant, what the ending of this night would be. There was no way that she was going to be able to sit still on her bench, counting the stars once more just to pass the time. She needed to know. She would need to dismiss his request and find out for herself.

Surprisingly, he took off his helmet, and she momentarily forgot what it was she was worrying about as she was once again greeted by the sight of his handsome and familiar face. There was something about being around him, seeing him so vulnerable in her presence that made her forget all her anger and confusion. His effect on her was so strong, in fact, that the anger would only increase once he had left – his presence so comforting and natural to her that it only made her angrier whenever she was not around him. She could barely remember what it had felt like to miss him all those years on Jakku; but she knew deep down that she never wanted to feel that way again.

He lightly traced his fingers along the line of her cheekbone, down to her jawline before lightly brushing his glove-covered thumb along her lips. Even though she could not feel his skin against hers, that touch was enough to remind her just how much he meant to her now, both as Kylo and as Ben.

"I promise I will come for you." He whispered, and with that, he turned around, placing his helmet back on his head, his soft demeanour from a moment before replaced once again by the intimidating footfalls that had frightened her and Rey before he had made his presence known to her.

She could still feel the feeling of his fingertips against her skin, and ghosts she had imagined circling her ankles were completely forgotten. She was still going to disobey his request – as well as she may know Kylo Ren, she needed to understand him as well. Completely.

She turned towards the opposite direction, following the corridor, hoping that the sounds of battle, struggle and orders being given to the Stormtroopers would direct her where to go.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! All reviews and comments are always welcome :) Thank you for reading, as always.


	35. Chapter 35

It felt as though she was running in circles; if Cara had not understood the sheer size of this base before, she did now. Every hallway led to another turn, which lead to another stairwell, which led to another corridor. All the doors looked the same, made of the bleak grey metal that gave off an aura of sturdiness that would not so easily be defeated. She often liked to think of herself as being as strong as metal; as one of the heroines in her imaginings and tales that would be remembered for years to come. She may have been strong-willed, but she did not in fact, feel so strong. The confusion and anger she felt inside of her made her feel weak and malleable, as though anyone could manipulate her now because she was incapable of making up her own mind. She wanted Kylo to tell her what to do, or Ben, but even then, she could never be sure if their decision was the right one for her. How could she possibly make a judgement for herself when the only factor affecting her choice was the one man who had turned her into this mess?

The times that she had roamed the hallways before had been ruled by fear, wondering if every corner she turned would bring her face to face with a Stormtrooper, Captain Phasma, or worse, General Hux. Now, though, there was nothing that could truly worry her. If any of them decided to harm her in any way, Kylo Ren was sure to seek out punishment. That was her assurance as she tried to figure out what was happening in the far corners of the base; if the Resistance had come to fight, if Han Solo was truly there, if Rey had gotten to safety. She needed to know if she was going to be able to sleep at night. She had had enough restless nights to last her a lifetime.

She turned a corner, and suddenly heard whisperings merely a few paces away from her. She came to a standstill, hoping to hear a snippet of conversation that would give her any clue as to what was going on. She had expected to hear the familiar distorted voices of the Stormtroopers, but was instead greeted by the sound of a rather animated voice obviously trying to tell someone what it was they needed to do.

"I'll find Rey. I just hope she's alive."

Cara recognized the voice, a smile immediately breaking out across her face as she ran towards the source before she could even stop herself. She slipped to a halt right in front of her old friend FN-2187, who looked just as surprised as she was to see her there.

"You- you're here! Why are you still here?" He asked her, seemingly shocked and delighted to see his old friend again.

"That, FN, is a very long story that I hope to tell you some other time. Although I'm afraid you may not like it very much."

He smiled a sad little smile at her, knowing exactly what she was talking about but still wishing it was not true.

"The name is Finn now, actually." He said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Finn. It suits you. I'm glad someone found you a better name." She said, lightly squeezing his hand to indicate just how happy she was to see him. In the midst of her joy over his presence, she had completely forgotten that he had been talking to someone. She turned around to face his companion, already knowing who it was and dreading seeing such a familiar face. Han Solo had aged considerably since she had last seen him, not just because of the years that had gone by but also the emotional stress that he had been put under since the disappearance of his son. She felt sympathy towards him as well as resentment, two sides of her battling for dominance over what she should say to the man in front of her.

"Cara,' Han said, softly, as though he could not quite believe who he was seeing, 'He took you, didn't he? Took you here as a prisoner. Just as he did with Rey." She could hear the anger in his voice, but also the distress, and she suddenly realized that he was probably just as confused about Kylo Ren as she was. How could he still find love for his son after all the things his boy had done? It was a question that she herself ignored every time she saw Kylo, every time he touched her. It was a question better left unanswered as long as he gave her no other reason to truly think about it.

"Yes, but he is not who you think he is. He never hurt me, not really."

"Not really isn't exactly good enough for me." Han replied, taking in the dishevelled and tired appearance of the girl in front of him. Her robes hung around her body, her cheeks were sunken in and her eyes had dark circles under them, a meagre indication of how tired she actually was.

"It does not matter. Not right now."

"Where have you been all this time? Why did you never come back to D'Qar? Leia was worried about you, you know."

"I can imagine that she was, I suppose. I cannot really imagine that you were, however." She said, allowing her latent resentment towards him to seep its way into her words. It was strange, because he was not actually giving her a reason to become so irritated with him, but it was a feeling over which she had no control, and everything that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren had ever told her about him was swimming through her mind, making it hard for her to judge the situation correctly.

"Of course I was! I went looking for you! Chewie and I spent a lot of time scouring the galaxy for you, kid. You did a pretty good job of hiding yourself." He said, looking at Chewbacca pointedly, who moaned in confirmation.

She swallowed her guilt, trying not to let the caring look in his eyes disarm her. She was still here for Kylo, for Ben, and she would not allow Han Solo to sway her to his side unless she had no other choice.

"Why are you here, anyway?" She asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from their surprise reunion.

"We're here to blow a dent in the First Order's power supply. Care to join us?" Han asked, and she could see the familiar twinkle in his eyes, ready for adventure and danger just as he had always been. It was something she genuinely admired in him. She could not respond, knowing that whatever they did would have an impact on Kylo in some way. She needed to know where he was and what he was doing – she was becoming anxious to be near him once more.

"Listen, I realize that you guys are having some kind of a reunion and all, and I'm glad to finally actually know that you're name is Cara and everything, but we still have to find Rey and then get out of here before this place blows up."

Cara snapped her gaze towards Finn, thinking he would say something more, until she was distracted by Han's nod towards the window. Her eyes widened, as she saw the small but unmistakeable figure of Rey climbing her way up the wall right in front of them.

"What are you doing? Why are you nodding your head like that, huh? What does that mean?" Finn asked, becoming annoyed as Han nodded to the glass once more. Cara grabbed Finn's head between her hands, turning it so that he could finally see what they were seeing. He caught a glimpse of Rey just as she pushed herself through one of the shafts.

He snapped out of his stupor, running in the general direction where he thought he would find Rey, Cara, Chewie and Han following him as quickly as they could. All five of them almost crashed into one another as Rey raised her weapon, ready to hit whoever it was that she had encountered. As realization finally dawned on her, she lowered her weapon in amazement before throwing herself into Finn's arms.

"Are you alright?' Finn asked the young scavenger before pulling her into another hug, 'What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"Never mind me. What are you _doing_ here?" Rey asked, disbelief clear in her voice.

"We came back for you." Finn said softly, and Cara could see in his eyes how much he cared for Rey, and it was clear that Rey cared for him as well. The pair stared at each other a little longer, smiling softly. Neither of them had probably had a lot of people that cared about them in their lives, Cara thought to herself. She could hardly imagine what that must feel like.

Rey's gaze suddenly turned to Cara, her eyebrows crinkling with worry. "Cara, are you alright? Did he find you?"

"Yes, he did. It's alright. I do not believe he suspected me."

"Good. I'm glad." Rey said, smiling at Cara.

"Look, I'm happy that everyone's alright, but right now, we've got a job to finish." Han said, breaking up the moment and snapping everybody back to reality.

The five of them moved quickly towards the Oscillator Bay. Finn had explained that that was the only sensible place to set the explosive charges. He and Rey had left, trying to make sure that the bay was accessible, leaving Cara, Han and Chewie to await the opportunity to enter into the vast open space. Cara was only tagging along because she had a feeling that Kylo would make his presence known. With Han there, anything could happen, and she felt an urge to see whatever would transpire.

As soon as they were able to get in, the other two got to work planting the explosives on the support columns, as she wandered down the enormous hub of machinery, trying to detect if there were any other oncoming Stormtroopers than the ones that Han and Chewbacca had already taken out. She peered into a dark alcove, the blackness that she stared into so deep that she barely had time to register the fact that Kylo Ren was lurking there, in the shadows. She jumped, startled, covering her mouth with her hand to conceal the yelp of surprise threatening to escape between her lips.

"Cara. Why are you here? I seem to remember telling you to return to your cell." He said, and his use of the word cell jarred her, as though he no longer thought of her as a friend, or something more, but rather saw her as a prisoner. The person she had been to him when he had first brought her here.

"I needed to know what was happening, Kylo. Do you think it is easy for me to just sit in that small room, the worst possible scenarios coming to mind whenever I do not have you in my sight?"

"I expect you to listen to me."

"And I expect you to know me better than that by now." She said, a furious swell of emotion threatening to reveal hers and Kylo's location to Han and Chewie.

"There is no reason for you to be here, Cara. Not right now. Please, just listen to me." He said, and she could hear some of the Kylo Ren that she had come to care for in his voice, but his words told her more than enough. There was nothing that would make her leave now. Her mind was made up.

"I will only leave if you can tell me a good enough reason why I should." She said, knowing that she would not heed his words but curious to hear them anyway.

He was silent, as though he could not bring himself to explain what he was going to do. She could not predict his actions now, and she needed to know, hoping to understand him better when this entire ordeal was over.

"Will you be confronting your father?" She asked, hoping to get some kind of clarification out of him.

"Han Solo was Ben's father. Ben does not exist anymore."

Cara knew it would be useless to argue with his words, so she kept quiet, hoping that he would forget that he did not actually want her there. He remained quiet once more, and she thought that her manipulation had worked, until she realized that he was barely paying attention to her at all anymore. His helmet was pointed elsewhere, somewhere behind them, and she followed what she assumed to be his gaze until her sights landed on Han, placing his final charge on one of the pillars. After she had finished watching Han complete his task, she turned her head back towards Kylo, wishing once more that his helmet was off so that she could tell what he was thinking. He tilted his head down, as though he was gazing at her, and they stood like that for a moment before he gently pushed her aside, striding down the corridor towards the narrow footbridge and his confrontation with his father. Cara hid herself behind a control panel in order to witness the exchange, ignoring her gut feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

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A/N: The last few chapters may take a little longer to upload, mainly because I plan on making them longer than usual and I want to make sure that I am getting them just right. Thanks for all the continued support!


	36. Chapter 36

Cara could barely hear herself breathing, the anticipation of the situation becoming too much for her to handle. She had no idea what to expect, no idea what was to come. There was no way to know what Kylo Ren would do once truly confronted with the presence of Han Solo.

" _Han Solo was Ben's father. Ben Solo does not exist anymore."_

She felt a shiver run up her spine as she remembered his words, and the cold tone of his voice as he had spoken them to her. It was as though he had forgotten how much he, too, had changed over the course of the past few months. Try as he might to deny it, she had changed him. Whether or not that transformation was good was an entirely different question all together.

She watched his every move from the shadows: the long, powerful strides he took, the way he rolled his shoulders back, the manner in which his fists were tightly curled into balls by his side. He looked as tense as she felt, and she could only hope that this would end well. Her gaze followed him down the Oscillator Bay; her heart beating faster with each step he took that brought him closer to Han. His father had yet to turn around, still inspecting the charges he and Chewie had planted along the columns, unaware that his long-lost son was stalking towards him. Cara could almost feel the tension in the air, the anxiety radiating off of Kylo in waves. She counted down the seconds until the two men would speak their first words to each other, each movement Han made accounting for another skipped heartbeat within her chest, until they were so close that she could barely keep herself hidden anymore.

Suddenly, Kylo turned to the left, heading towards the narrow footbridge, walking away from his father in a wide arc to cross to the other side of the Oscillator Bay. She let out a breath, utterly bewildered at Ren's sudden change of heart, before she heard the one name that she had tried so hard not to utter too often herself over the course of the past few weeks.

"BEN!" Han shouted, his familiar voice sounding more authoritative and demanding than she had ever heard it before. It made her crouch back into the shadows, her desire to join them forgotten as she watched Han Solo purposefully stride towards his son. Kylo turned towards the source of the voice, and it was then that she realized what he had been playing at when he had turned in the opposite direction. He wanted Han to make the first move; starting the confrontation would have made Kylo appear weaker, revealing a wish to speak to his father that he either wanted to conceal or did not even have all together.

His mask still on, Kylo looked quite menacing, and she remembered how frightened she had been of him the first few days before she had informed as to his true identity. She wondered if Han felt the same way, or if he was still capable of seeing his son underneath that mask, a cold exterior blocking out the person he had known before. She squeezed her hands together, trying to relieve some of the tension she felt throughout the whole of her body, another bout of panic threatening to overwhelm her as she suddenly wondered what had become of Rey and Finn. Her questions about their whereabouts were forgotten however as soon as Kylo spoke his first words to his father.

"Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time." Kylo said, and the sentiment surprised her, making her wonder if he had been able to foresee this confrontation long before it was even destined to happen. If that were true, he must have already known what he was going to do once he saw his father again, what he would say. Perhaps Cara should have asked him about it more forcefully, tried to get a better understanding of the inner workings of Kylo's conflict within himself. Perhaps it would have made the conflict within her more rational as well.

Han slowly walked towards Kylo, towards his son, the narrow bridge they stood on making Cara inexplicably nervous.

"Take that mask off. You don't need it." Han said, and she could not help but agree with him – every time she had spoken to Kylo, to Ben, and he had kept it on made her feel wholly unconnected to him, as though he was trying to ignore her even if he was the one that had begun the conversation in the first place. In the corner of her eye, she saw Rey and Finn reappearing above them, watching the confrontation with pained and stressed expressions on their faces that were sure to be mirrored in her own. She almost wanted to tell them that she was hiding there, so that they would know where she was if something were to go wrong; but she pushed that thought aside, not allowing herself to feel the dread that was culminating within her, opting to hope for the best instead. She needed to believe in Kylo Ren, or how else was she supposed to believe in herself, all the choices she had made, the words she had spoken, or the actions she had taken since being reunited with him?

"What do you think you will see if I do?" Kylo Ren asked, that same menacing tone he had used towards her only minutes prior evident in his voice. Cara thought back to a similar conversation she had had with Kylo, when she had just been captured, before she had even found out who he had used to be. Before she had even vowed to herself that she would bring Ben back from the depths of himself.

"The face of my son." Han answered, and she could feel tears welling in her eyes at his reply. He believed that Ben was still in there, the same way she had when she had first learnt of his true identity. Did she still believe in that now? She thought back to all her recent interactions with him, with Kylo, realizing with regret that she may have forgotten, or perhaps even ignored, her own promise to find him once more, to be reunited with the true Ben Solo again. Maybe if she had succeeded, if she had worked harder to find him within Kylo Ren, none of this would be happening right now. They would all be fighting on the same side, Cara would not feel as though she was betraying friends and allies; maybe she would not feel so confused, angry, and fearful all the time. Maybe she would have been happy with him, the way they used to be, together. She had allowed herself to get sucked into this new version of him, the version where he was powerful, strong-willed, enticing and persuasive. It was an entirely new relationship, one which might be just as important to her as her relationship had been with Ben, one which she could no longer fight and did not have the will too. Kylo Ren was in her life now, for good. There was no going back.

Kylo purposefully removed his mask, and Cara realized that this was the first time Han Solo was seeing his son as a truly grown man. No longer an adolescent, all traces of innocence had aged off of Kylo's handsome features, replaced by a hardened glare and striking features that only drew her to him all the more. She wondered what Han thought of his son, the way he looked now, if he regretted having missed all these changes happening as he grew; and she could only imagine the pain he must be feeling right now, how important this moment must be for him.

"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him." It was a variation of the words that Kylo had so often repeated to her, but they were more intense, his choice of words a knife to her back as her mind once more tried to signal to her that those words were of importance, now more than ever before.

She was thankful that Han had become so adept at hiding his true feelings over the years. His face was a mask, impossible to read. He was not going to let Kylo Ren see how much his words were actually affecting him.

"That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive."

Again, Han's conviction was like a punch to the gut – she could feel her own guilt seeping its way back into her consciousness, as much as she may try to push it away. She was beginning to feel angry with herself, for ignoring a promise she had made to her old friend, for forgetting how much she could have helped Han and Leia, no matter how much they may have hurt Ben in the past. Her hands began to tremble, and she could feel the now familiar surge of rage boiling inside of her, fighting to reveal itself, fighting to throw herself between them and stop whatever it was that might happen.

"No. The Supreme Leader is wise."

"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true."

"It's too late." Kylo replied, and it was almost unthinkable how such simple words could eliminate almost all the tension in her body, making her forget why she had become so angry. This was the Kylo that she had come to know, the one she had fallen for, the one she trusted. The one who was conflicted with himself, fighting between what he thought was right and wrong, the one who had needed her companionship as much as she had needed his. She hoped that Han would see in Kylo what she saw in him, and still accept both Ben and Kylo as his son, who were ever more becoming one and the same person. It seemed Han felt the same way, a glimmer of hope gracing his features as he recognized the plea, heard his son reaching out to him.

"No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you."

She could feel one of the tears that had formed in her eyes before now run down her cheek, desperate for Kylo, for Ben, to say yes. Desperate to leave with him and his father, to be with him somewhere they would not be under such scrutiny, where he would feel free to express his weaknesses and his desires without feeling as though he would be judged for them. She stood up from her crouched position, stepping out of the shadows, making eye contact with Rey and Finn so that they would know that she was there. She was surprised to see that their expressions were still strained, as though they were waiting for something more, something else to happen. What that was, Cara could not even fathom. She could hear her Kylo in his words; see him in the way he gazed at his father. There was nothing to fear there. She knew this man. He may be unpredictable, but he had hardly ever expressed himself so freely. He was being as honest as he could be, she was sure of it.

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I do not know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" Kylo, or Ben, asked his father; and she could feel herself walking towards the pair even though she knew neither of them were paying attention to her now. She wanted to help him too, whatever it was that he could ask of her. She felt drawn to him, now more than ever. It was a strange sensation, the resentment she had felt towards him before when he had purposefully ignored her gone, replaced by sentimentality and hopefulness. If he could affect her that much with just a few words, what could he do to her if they had an entire lifetime together? She looked back up at Rey and Finn, hoping that they would understand that there was no danger there; but their features were still pulled into a tense expression.

"Yes. Anything." Han responded, and any lasting resentment she had for the man was washed away completely by the sheer devotion she could hear in his voice. Whatever Ben had thought of him back when they were younger, Han Solo still cared about his son. That was all she needed to know.

Kylo dropped his mask to the floor, the sound reverberating around the vast space, and Cara took it as a final signal that it was over. Kylo had finally picked a side. He handed his lightsaber to his father, the one object he used to ground himself to reality, to allow him to channel his anger, which gave him the strength he needed to say what needed to be said. Cara had the sudden urge to run to him, to grip his weapon-wielding hand in hers, to tell him that it was okay. That she would go with him. The bay went dark, the last rays of sunshine have disappeared from the sky, and she held her breath as she waited for the moment that she could embrace him once more; but it never came.

Five seconds of total silence enveloped the bay, the sounds of battle outside even having ceased. Five total seconds before Cara's life was once more turned upside down by the same man. The one man she cared for more than anything. Her body went into shock, denying the truth of what she had seen by trying to freeze her in time, to act as though it had not happened. Red light had illuminated the chamber, the same red light she had seen shining in the hallways before she had found Finn and Han, the familiar crackling sound reverberating against every surface before it finally found its mark. The beam of energy shot through Han so quickly, so suddenly, her eyes barely comprehended what was happening.

Cara was faintly aware of Rey screaming in the distance, of Finn trying to comfort her by holding her to his side. She was faintly aware that the blasts of battle had resumed outside, the First Order once more engaging with the Resistance. She was faintly aware that she had dropped to her knees and that her breathing had become incredibly erratic. Above all of that though, she was aware of the look Kylo gave his father one last time as Han touched the face of his son for the first time in years. She wanted to see regret on his face, to see that Kylo realized he had made a mistake, but it was unreadable, just as Han's had been only moments before. Han never uttered a word again, and dropped down the reactor shaft, as though being erased from existence. She had heard Kylo mutter a thank-you to his father, as though that was supposed to make her understand why he had done such a thing. Finn and Rey were nowhere to be found.

She was snapped out of her stupor as she heard Chewbacca utter an excruciating wail, the kind someone never hopes to hear in his or her life. She turned to him, hoping to find some kind of comfort in his familiar furry face, but he took aim without thinking and shot Kylo right in the abdomen with his bow caster. Cara screamed, both at the Wookie and at Kylo, not knowing whose side she needed to be on. The rage washed through her once more, as she finally ran towards Kylo, knowing that she still needed to understand his actions if she ever hoped to gain some closure. She needed to get him to safety before Chewie blew all the charges, blowing this place into oblivion.

She crouched down beside him, noticing his hand pushed against his stomach, blood already seeping through his fingers. She ignored the wound, something telling her to let him sit in his own physical pain, the pain that he had caused himself as soon as he had decided to kill Han Solo. She clamped her hands around his face, gripping hard, forcing him to look at her. His face was still expressionless, his eyes betraying nothing of what he felt inside. She dug her fingers into his smooth skin, a feeling she normally would have relished but now just made her feel sick and used. Her thoughts asked her why she was even holding him at all, wondering what he had done to deserve her presence next to him. She pushed them down, needing to understand.

"Why, Why – How could you? After everything he said he would do for you. After everything you and I have been through, Kylo. I trusted you. I trusted you to help me understand what you've awoken inside of me. Tell me that someone made this decision for you. Tell me that Snoke has been controlling you throughout this whole confrontation. Tell me that I can still trust you, Kylo. I need to know." Cara said, desperation clear in her voice.

"Desperation is not in your nature, Cara." He said, calling back memories of what had now become simpler times.

"Sometimes desperation is all a person has, Kylo. Please, I need to know. I need to know you're not a monster."

"During all this time, have you ever thought I was a monster? Have you ever truly backed away from me in fear, never wanting me to come back to you?" He asked her, and the strength in his voice was disconcerting yet comforting at the same time – it both indicated the enormity of his power and told her that he would still be okay, no matter what happened next.

"I will take your silence as a no, Cara. You need to understand that I did this because I had to make a choice. A choice that will affect your decisions as well."

"I cannot believe that this was of your own free will. Han was right; Snoke is manipulating you somehow. He has to be manipulating you somehow."

He did not answer; instead, he moved his hands to the sides of his face, cupping her own hands in his grip, pulling them away from his head, entwining her fingers in between his own. Once he was free, he moved his gaze towards the platform where Rey and Finn had been standing before, and she knew that he was about to leave to go after them.

"You knew,'' she heard herself whisper, 'you knew that I was helping Rey. That is why you had your lightsaber pulled out when you came to speak with me in the corridor." She said, feeling stupid for not having realized it earlier.

"Of course I knew. I know you better than you know yourself. I knew that you could not resist helping someone you deemed innocent, even if you had no idea of the repercussions of your actions. But I did not harm you, or punish you in anyway, because I believe in you, Cara. I believe in what we can be together."

"If you had truly believed in me you would not have felt the need to have your lightsaber ready when confronting me in the first place." She practically yelled, her emotions and anger finally taking its toll on her sanity.

"I believe in you well enough, Cara. I know that you know this." He let go of her hands, standing up, beating his fist against his wound as he did so. It was a sickening sight, and Cara could feel her stomach churn as she watched his actions. He looked down at her, moving his other hand through her hair lovingly. So lovingly, in fact, that she could feel herself leaning into his palm, unable to stop her reaction to his touch.

"I don't know if I can still believe that." She whispered, feeling as though all her strength was leaving her body for the last time.

He moved his hand under her chin, just as he had done before, forcing her to look into his eyes as he spoke.

"I will be back for you, Cara. You can believe that I will never abandon you. Ever again." He said, and he beat his fist against his wound once more, before striding down the bridge and out of sight, leaving her alone in a room rigged with explosives, unable to decide what she would do next.

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A/N: A different time then I usually update, but I hope it was worth the wait. To Guest User Blue Angel, a happy belated birthday! I'm sorry that I couldn't get this chapter to you yesterday, but I hope that you can enjoy it as a late birthday present. Thanks for all the lovely and extensive reviews you've left me so far, I'm always curious to know what you think. As always, thank you to everyone for reading, and I hope to get the next chapter to you soon!


	37. Chapter 37

" _Cara, wake up. Please, wake up."_

 _She heard the familiar voice somewhere in the distance, pulling her out of a dreamless sleep. It was hard to pry her eyes open, and she opted against it, annoyed at who she knew to be there. Ben had started waking her up in the middle of the night more often lately, and it was beginning to take its toll. She could feel exhaustion creeping up on her, her mind willing her to block out the sound of his words as she drifted back off to sleep._

" _Cara, come on. I can't sleep."_

" _So you thought you should burden me with the same problem?" She whispered, turning her whole body away from him, trying to tell him to leave without actually telling him to leave. He paid her body language no mind though, and continued torturing her with the sound of his deep and melodic voice._

" _Please, can we just talk? The way we used to?"_

 _She sighed, finally giving in to his demands, turning her head towards him so that her pillows would not muffle her words. "I'm fairly sure we never actually stopped speaking, Ben."_

" _And I hope we will never have to."_

" _Is that all you came to say?' She said, her eyes still closed, so dry she could barely force them open, 'because if it is, then I may actually have to stop speaking to you for a while."_

" _No. That is not all I came to say. At least, I don't want it to be."_

" _This conversation would be helped if you actually had a topic you wish to talk about."_

 _He said nothing for a while, his hand having seized hers, tracing the patterns visible on the palm of her hand. She enjoyed his soft touch, so much in fact that it almost lulled her back to sleep. Just as she thought she was going to get some rest, he spoke again, her mind shocked once more by the sound of his voice._

" _Do you remember when I took you out to see the lightning storm?"_

" _Of course I do, Ben. It was only a few weeks ago."_

" _What did you think of it?" He asked, a strange hint of pain in his voice, as though he was expecting her to completely reject him and tell him to leave at once because of the question._

" _You asked me that in the moment, and I will answer the same way I did then. I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen."_

" _Yes, I know. How could it not be? But that's not what I'm asking."_

 _She turned to face him then, using all her willpower to open her eyes. Thankfully, he had not turned on the lights in her room, making it easier for her eyes to adjust to being in use once more. She eyed his silhouette sitting on the edge of her bed, and she could still feel his thumb tracing along her hand._

" _Then what are you asking?"_

" _I'm asking what it made you think of me; of who I am. I shared a weak moment with you, Cara. And yes, I know that wasn't the first time, but ultimately I hope it will be the last. My memory of being trapped there, of my father coming to save me; I need to know that that hasn't made your opinion of me change in any way that could alter our relationship."_

" _What kind of relationship is it that you think we have?" She asked, sitting up. It was not often that she got to see this side of him, questioning everything, second-guessing what people thought of him. It was a side she liked, because it made her feel more equal to him._

" _This isn't the time for games, Cara. I'm being serious."_

" _So am I, Ben. You'll be leaving someday. I think I have the right to know what it is you think of me and what we have as much as you do."_

" _Yes, but you already know the answer to that question."_

" _If I do, then shouldn't you as well? You cannot tell me that these questions have only just now come up because you shared some distant memory with me, Ben. Why is this bothering you so much, what has changed?"_

 _He was silent, and she scooted closer to him, trying to pressure him into answering her. She stopped his ministrations on her palm, giving herself some reprieve to concentrate as she awaited his answer. His touch had had an overbearing effect on her as of late – every time he came near her she had the sudden urge to feel his skin against hers, touch his cheek, run her fingers through his hair, be embraced in his arms. She had noticed that he had willingly given his touch to her more frequently as well, almost as though he was worried that he was going to lose her if he did not show his affection more often. She would never complain about that, of course. Nor would she ever tell him how confused she was whenever she was around him._

" _There are things that you would not understand, Cara; certain things that guide us through our lives even though we have no idea why or when something will happen. That is happening to me right now. Something is guiding me, a voice."_

" _Does this not have something to do with The Force? You are incredibly sensitive to it, Ben. Your parents have told me so."_

" _It is not only about the Force. A lot can change, even in the span of a short time. I need to know that my moments of weakness won't affect the way you see me, the way – the way you feel about me."_

" _And I expect the same courtesy from you."_

" _This is not a joke, Cara!' He suddenly stood up from her, and she could feel the mattress rise once more as his added weight left. She suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness, once again realizing just how much she craved to be around him. She needed to get control of herself if she was to prevent herself from doing something foolish._

" _When during this conversation have I given the impression that I was merely trying to make you laugh? I don't understand what it is you're trying to tell me, Ben. Just help me understand." She longed to get out of bed and move closer to him, but she refrained, thinking that he would be more willing to express himself to her if she kept a safe distance._

" _There is nothing to explain, nothing that you really need to understand, nothing that you need to be worried about. All I want is to know how that memory I told you about – the one so beautifully encased by lightning, made you see me. I need to know. I need to know so that I can ask you to make me a promise."_

 _Curiosity burned inside of her, and she finally gave up trying to distance herself from him. Moving the sheets off of her body, she shivered slightly as she felt the cold air of her room hit her skin. If he noticed, he showed no sign, standing clear on the opposite side of the room as he awaited her answer._

" _I find it hard to believe that you even need me to answer this question, Ben, but here it goes. When we met each other that first night I was here on the base, twelve years ago, there was something about you that instantly made me feel drawn to you. You were exciting, interesting, and for some reason, you were willing to share that with me. During the next few years I sometimes thought that the only reason you were still sharing your wisdom and experience with me was simply because I was the convenient choice – how could I ever live up to the standards by which you lived your life? Force sensitive, the parents you have, the family you come from. I often wondered why you kept me around."_

" _I never-" He tried to interrupt, but she held out her hand, indicating for him to stop._

" _Please, just let me finish,' she said, taking a few steps closer to him, 'I realized something, even though it took me a while. I really listened to you when you spoke, and I realized you were not just complaining about your parents to me, but you were sharing. You were sharing the part of yourself that made you feel weak and not in control. That was when I realized that it doesn't matter if one friend is smart and the other one creative, one friend is strong and the other one weak, one is fast and one is slow. As long as you trust in someone enough to tell them when you're feeling confused, frightened, worried, or fragile, that's all you really need to keep a friendship that lasts. Teaching one another skills is one thing, opening yourself up to one another is a whole other concept."_

" _What are you trying to say?" He asked, without having noticed that he too had taken a step closer towards her._

" _I'm trying to say that I have only come to respect you and value the friendship we share more because you feel free to share such memories with me, Ben. I want you to know that you can always tell me anything and show me who it is you really are."_

 _As soon as he was close enough, he grabbed a hold of her hand once more, as though it was an anchor tethering him down to reality. She squeezed his back, hoping to show him that she had meant every word, even if she did not fully understand why she had needed to say them in the first place._

" _And yet I know that I sometimes scare you." He said, smiling down at her, trying to search her face in the darkness for any signs of dishonesty._

" _Yes, sometimes you do. The intensity with which you feel and think can be frightening – especially if it involves me in some way. On the other hand, that intensity only makes me realize how well it is you know me, and how much you care about me. When you try to help me work through my nightmares, there is a change within you, and I see it as a desire to protect me, just as I want to protect you. Intense as it may be, it is a defining quality of yours, Ben Solo. One that only serves to make up the whole of what you are."_

" _How can you be so sure that all of this is true? That all you know about me is real?"_

" _It is no way to live a life to believe that everyone around you is trying to betray you, Ben."_

 _He was silent again, and she thought that this was the end of it, that he would suddenly walk out of her room now as he did so often when they became more intimate and honest with one another. He surprised her when he also grabbed her other hand, squeezing them tightly within his, giving her his full attention._

" _I need you to make me a promise." He said, breaking the comfortable silence between them._

" _If you'd like me to say I'll never abandon you, I think you already have that covered for the both of us." She said, smiling softly at him, trying to make him feel more comfortable._

" _No, that's not it."_

 _She stayed silent as she waited for him to continue, curious as to what it was he wanted her to agree to._

" _I need you to promise me that you will tell me whenever I stray from the person that you believe me to be. I need you to tell me when I've crossed a line you think I cannot come back from. I need you to show me the only thing that will always bring me back to reality."_

 _His words were so full of emotion and urgency she could barely look him in the eye as he spoke. The moonlight outside gently lit up his features, and she could see the force with which he gazed at her, awaiting her confirmation of this promise that he asked of her._

" _What could I possibly show you that will bring you back from wherever it is you think you'll be?"_

" _If you leave me, I will know. Not just that you are willing to leave me; that will not be enough. Leave me, and I will know."_

 _His words frightened her, but she was determined not to show him just how worried she was becoming. He needed her now, and she was not about to let him down. She needed to feel the surety of his presence though, and before she could stop herself she had wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, inhaling his comforting scent as she tried to form the words that would make her agree to what it was he asked of her. She could not imagine a scenario where any of that would be necessary, much less that she would need to leave him – but if that was what he needed to hear, she would give it to him._

" _I promise, Ben Solo,' she kept quiet as she felt the tension in his shoulders release and his arms wrap around her waist in response to her embrace, 'I love you."_

" _I love you too, Cara Nova."_

* * *

It was strange that that memory had not resurfaced at any time over the past few months; not all those hours that she had been left alone in her cell, nor any of the times that Kylo Ren had rooted around her mind in search of her true feelings towards him. It was one of the more sensitive memories she had of him, but now that it was no longer suppressed, she shed a tear, knowing that this memory held the answer she had so desperately been looking for.

Chewie was nowhere to be found; but instinctively she knew that he would not blow the Oscillator Bay to smithereens unless she was clear of the destruction. She got up and followed Kylo's footsteps up the ladder and onto the platform. Wind whipped at her hair and face, a shiver running up her spine as her body got used to the cold of the planet she had been kept on. She quickly wondered if the stars she had seen from her cell window had really ever been there at all, or if they were just planted there to make her feel even lonelier than she already had.

Knowing that Kylo would have followed Rey and Finn into the forest, she climbed her way down; her mind trying to tell her to go as slowly as possible to delay the inevitable, and every cell in her body telling her to run towards them before it was too late. Taking Kylo's teachings into account, she followed her instinct, sprinting towards the trees that would soon protect her from the howling wind of winter.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry to say that the next chapter will be the last! I hope you've enjoyed this story so far, and I hope that I won't have to make you guys wait all too long for the last chapter. I'm not actually at home at the moment though, I'm traveling, so I can't say when I will have it finished. Thanks again for all the support for this story, it means a lot to me!


	38. Chapter 38

As soon as she had passed the line where the forest began Cara heard the familiar cracking sound that accompanied an explosion. Chewbacca had finally detonated the charges in the Oscillator Bay, but she feared to look back, worrying that it would stop her from setting out to do what she had followed Rey, Finn and Kylo into the forest for in the first place. She needed to find them, and quickly. There was so much she needed to say to him. To Ben. To Kylo.

It was hard to get her bearings; lights flashed in the sky from the recent devastation Chewie had caused and the blaster shots from Resistance pilots and First Order pilots did nothing to dissipate the confusion. It was impossible to discern any sounds as well, and she walked recklessly into the forest, shivering from the cold but marvelling at the sight of the snow on the trees that she walked past. She had never seen an environment like this before, and she knew that if circumstances had been different she would have been more than happy to live in such a beautiful design of nature; but the simple splendour of the landscape did not last very long, as every snowflake she thought had fallen into her hair turned out to be a fleck of ash and the sea of white that surrounded her was only a cover for the dangerous ice that lay below. As determined as she had been mere moments ago when she had made her decision within the confines of the base, as scared as she was now that she was in the midst of a forest she did not know.

She pushed on however, slipping on rocks and tripping over tree branches as she desperately looked for any sign of them. Finally, she heard it – the unmistakeable sound of a lightsaber being powered on, the unmistakeable sound of a battle about to begin. She knew that Kylo must have been ready to fight, unable to allow the scavenger and the traitor to get in his way. She followed the sounds she heard, hoping that she would still be on time before Kylo could do any real damage to either of them. As complicated as her relationship may be with him, she still cared about Finn and Rey and did not wish for anything bad to happen to them.

Finally, she saw the blue glow of a lightsaber, a surprising sight after Cara had gotten so used to the menacing red glow of Kylo's crossguard weapon. She wondered who wielded it, where it had come from, and what would happen as a result of its presence. As she stepped through the last of the trees that blocked the scene of the fight from her view, she gasped as she saw what had already come to pass.

Rey was lying on the cold ground, seemingly knocked unconscious. Finn wielded the blue lightsaber, obviously wanting to protect his friend from whatever harm had befallen her. She did not blame him: seeing Rey in such a state worried her too. The most important thing she saw however, was Kylo. His red lightsaber in his hand, twirling it as though to show Finn that he was not at all worried about what the ex-Stormtrooper may attempt. Kylo was a skilled fighter, she had seen it first-hand. Snapping out of her stupor she ran to Rey's side, hoping to see some form of life, relieved when it turned out that she was beginning to come back to her senses. Kylo had done this to her, there was no doubt – and as Cara studied his face from the shadows of where Rey lay she could finally see his face. There was no remorse expressed upon it, none of the caring concern he showed whenever he looked at Cara. There was only rage there; an unrelenting rage that showed no sign of being alleviated any time soon. She was scared to go out and face him now, unable to form the words that she knew she needed to say. Horrified, she watched as Finn and Kylo engaged in battle. It was a battle she knew would end sooner rather than later.

Each swing of Kylo's lightsaber was graceful yet strong, and Cara could see the amount of willpower it was taking Finn to hold him back. Her Stormtrooper friend had good motivation though, and she could see it in his eyes. His willingness to protect Rey allowed him to fight for longer than he should have been able to, even through the searing pain that Kylo's lightsaber had burned into his shoulder, and the fatigue from the sheer force he needed to deflect each blow. Finn had even managed to cut Kylo, but his victory did not last long. It only served to anger the Master of the Knights of Ren more, and Cara finally made her presence known as she screamed in agony at the sight of Kylo's lightsaber cutting straight across Finn's chest after the blue lightsaber had been thrown from his grasp.

Kylo stilled, turning in Cara's direction, and his eyes widened as he saw her sitting there. She barely registered what was happening around her anymore as she noticed the change on his face – the look of shock that was then replaced by fear, and then by sorrow, before finally settling on disappointment. Whether or not it was merely disappointment that she was there or that she had to witness this crueller side of him she did not know.

"Cara, I told you to go back to your cell. None of this concerns you."

"Everything that involves you concerns me, Kylo. You should know that by now. You are the only one that concerns me. You and Ben."

She could tell that his breathing had quickened at the use of his old name, and she thought she saw a hint of guilt flash across his eyes. She hoped that he remembered what he had done to his father, the last person who had called him by that name. She hoped he felt guilty for what he had done. Even the largest measure of remorse would never be enough though. It was an ugly stain on their relationship that already needed too much forgiveness to function.

Suddenly, Kylo turned his gaze away from her, reaching his hand out to some unknown object Cara could not see, before a flash of silver flew straight past him and into Rey's hand, who was stood behind him. In the midst of her focus on Kylo Cara had not even noticed her young friend stand up once more, now holding the abandoned lightsaber in her hand that Kylo had so desperately been trying to retrieve with his own use of The Force. Anger once again morphed his features into something sadistic, and all thoughts of Cara seemed to be forgotten as he turned his attention on the young woman he had so easily been able to take prisoner only days before.

"That lightsaber belongs to me!" He screamed, and there was something maniacal about his voice, a change in tone that Cara could barely recognize. Rey looked shocked that her call for the lightsaber had been answered before his, but Cara could tell she was ready to fight; ready to fight for her fallen friend Finn, ready to fight for what he had done to Han Solo, ready to fight for all the horrible deeds that Kylo was sure to have done in the past. Cara could not blame the young woman, feeling a similar sort of fury towards him that she did not even know she was capable of. She sucked in a breath as Kylo once more pounded the wound on his abdomen that Chewbacca had inflicted on him mere moments before. The action left her with a sickened feeling in her stomach – it was the action of someone desperate enough to inflict pain on himself to gain the upper hand. It was the action of someone who had no regard as to the consequences of his choices.

Cara made her way over to Finn, Kylo and Rey's encounter giving her enough space to go check on him. She was relieved to see that he was still alive – his breathing was shallow and his eyes were unresponsive, but he was alive. She packed some ice onto his wounds to numb the burning sensation in case he woke up. It angered her that all those years of medical training were of no help to her in a situation like this. It angered her that she had to see her friend lying there in such a state. Everything angered her. She was afraid that nothing would ever stop the rage that had begun to grow within her; but she had seen what Rey was capable of, she had seen how the young scavenger had channelled her rage into power, a power that she used to defend her friend – and Cara decided that she needed to channel her anger as well. She needed to channel her anger into bravery for what she was about to do next. The one thing she never thought she would be courageous enough to attempt.

Kylo's and Rey's duel had taken them deeper into the forest, neither one willing to let the other one get the best of them. Cara followed the sounds of lightsaber crashing on lightsaber, allowing the flashing blue and red colours to guide her way. She needed to make her way behind Rey, if only to show Kylo whose side she would be on if he continued down this path. She needed to keep her promise to him from all those years ago. She needed to tell him what her nightmares had been trying to warn her about when they had been younger.

She finally reached the pair just as a massive rumbling sound filled her ears, and Cara yelped as she saw a part of the ground she had been running across just a second ago begin to tumble downwards into a black abyss. She ran faster, faster than she ever had before, just as Kylo's weapon came crashing down against Rey's, forcing the young woman to bend backwards to avoid the burning red sparks that crackled from his weapon.

"BEN!" Cara yelled, in much the same fashion his father had done before. She was going to force him to listen to her, even if it was the last thing she did. He needed to hear this. No matter how angry she was at Kylo for murdering his own father, no matter how angry she was with Ben for allowing himself to be sucked into the Darkness, she was not one to break a promise. Especially not one that she thought may actually help her cause.

He did not respond, but Cara had noticed his eyes looking towards her, towards the sound of her voice, and she knew she had his attention, even if his weapon was still poised right over Rey.

"You need to let her go, Kylo. Allow Ben to let her go." Cara spoke, her words deliberate and assured. Somehow, she knew that this was supposed to happen. She knew what she had to say to him.

"I could kill her right now. But there is another way." He said, and Cara knew that he was speaking to both her and Rey, and she began to panic a little as she saw the droplets of sweat rolling down the side of the young scavenger's face. Still she pressed on, knowing that he needed to hear these words.

"You're a monster, Kylo. I've wanted to deny it for so long, because in some sick and twisted way, I fell in love with you the same way I fell in love with Ben. You knew me so well, you knew what I was thinking, what was troubling me. You knew of the capacity I had for anger and you unlocked it within me. And it frightened me, but I thought that as long as we were together, you could teach me how to use it. It just did not turn out that way."

"She needs a teacher. I can show her the ways of The Force! I can still teach you how to channel your anger. You can both learn from me."

Cara noticed the tension in Rey's shoulders, almost as though the young woman had had an epiphany due to his choice of words. Cara continued, hoping to allow the girl some time to gather her thoughts.

"You don't need to teach me how to channel my anger anymore, Kylo. I can learn by example, and the example I'm choosing to learn from is that of Rey and Finn. They channel their anger into protecting those they care about, to protect what they believe in. I'd like to do the same. I'm channelling the anger I feel towards you now into bravery in order to say something that I was too scared to admit to myself until now."

His concentration waivered as his eyes finally met Cara's gaze, and Rey seized this opportunity to use the Force to push him back rather powerfully. His expression betrayed his shock – both at Rey's sudden burst of power and at the words that Cara was directing towards him.

"You need to listen to me, Ben. I know that you are inside of him, somewhere. I know that you can still make a choice. I want you to know that I am keeping my promise. I am keeping the promise that you asked of me a long time ago."

Rey thrust her lightsaber at him with a new found ferociousness, and Cara knew that she needed to get through to him one last time – it was no longer about being close to him, or getting him to express himself to her. All he needed to do now was hear what she had to say, and really listen. Truly listen. He had said it himself. It was the only thing that would bring him back from the darkness.

The young scavenger had him pinned down to the ground, but Kylo would not give up so easily. He stood up, but he was not quick enough to deflect the full brunt of her attack, and before he could get a handle on his weapon it went flying out of his hand and landed somewhere in the distance. All he could do to defend himself now was use the Force, and even Cara could sense that he was putting up some sort of shield to defend himself from Rey's angered blows. She took this moment to kneel next to him, to get him to look into her eyes one last time.

"Do you remember the nightmares I used to have? I always knew that they were trying to tell me something, but I could never quite understand what they meant. It had always puzzled me that you would be so interested in what my dreams were trying to tell me – but then I think you always knew. I think you always knew this would happen to you. I think you always knew that you would allow yourself to go too far, to be seduced by the Dark Side. You gave me so many warnings – ' Cara's words were cut off by yet another of Rey's attacks, desperately trying to break the Force shield that he had put up around himself; 'You knew. You always knew. Do you know what that nightmare was trying to tell me, Ben? It told me one word. Traitor. You may call Finn that because he abandoned what he was forced to do since birth without ever being given a choice, but you became the real traitor, Ben. You betrayed your family, and you betrayed me. You abandoned me even though you had promised not to. But I won't break my promises, Ben. Not to you. Not if it will help you see sense."

His eyes softened at her words, as though he knew exactly what she was talking about, and he brought his hand up to stroke his thumb across her face in an attempt to tell her that he understood what she was trying to say. She appreciated the gesture, taking it as a sign that she was doing the right thing – but his lack of focus caused his shield to shatter, and Rey broke through. Before Cara could comprehend what was happening, Kylo had pushed her away, and she went tumbling into the snow, the cold suddenly striking against the flush of her skin she had come to feel from being so honest with him. Cara watched as Rey brought down her weapon in an arc towards Kylo, and it was as though time was slowing down, and a cocoon of silence enveloped her as she watched the pulsing beam of blue light slash across his face and down his chest. Somewhere, in the distance, she heard herself emit a scream. It was a scream she let out for the pain of seeing him hurt, even after all he had done, and it was a scream she let out for the pain of being emotionally torn between doing what was necessary and doing what her heart had wanted her to do. Her heart wanted to run to him, to heal the wound on his face, to stay by his side and comfort him. Yet she knew she could not. She had to keep her promise.

The ground rumbled beneath her again, just as she noticed Kylo trying to attract his weapon towards him again. She stood up, looking for Rey, feeling slightly more at ease as she felt the slender hand of her friend on her shoulder, trying to pull her away from Kylo for the last time. Cara could feel tears stinging her eyes, seeing him sat there, and the Earth suddenly split between them, as though it knew exactly what had just transpired between the two.

"I will make you a new promise, Cara! I will find you. I swear on my life that I will find you again." He shouted at her, and it was the last words she could hear before the deafening roar of destruction drowned out any and all other sounds.

The two women ran back towards Finn, somehow still holding onto the hope that they would get out of there alive. As they reached his unmoved body, Rey began to cry of her own accord, holding her friend's limp form in her arms. Cara felt her heart ache watching the two, and she could feel tears running down her own cheeks, allowing herself to feel everything that she needed to feel. The anger at what Kylo had done, the guilt she felt for leaving him, the sorrow she felt as she left behind her oldest friend, the pride she felt in having been able to keep her promise. Everything mixed together, and the tears kept on coming, until her vision was so blurry she was sure that the reflection of lights she saw on the icy surface they stood on had just been a trick of her own imagination. But the lights became brighter, despite the watery barrier that clouded her vision. It was a light she knew well. It was a light she knew from when she had been a child.

* * *

" _We've only known each other for a week, you know. How can I know that I can trust you?" Ben asked, an unruly curl of his dark hair having fallen in front of his face as he tried to shield his most prized possession from Cara's inquisitive hands._

" _I haven't lied to you yet, Ben! Just let me hold it. I won't drop it, I swear."_

" _How do I know that you haven't lied to me?"_

 _Cara kept quiet, trying to think of a retort that would satisfy his question. The blaster he held in his hands was from an old X-Wing, and it looked so interesting. Cara's curiosity had gotten the best of her. She really wanted to take a closer look at it._

" _Don't you think you would be able to tell?" Cara responded, hoping he would fall for her little mind trick. Ben may be the clever one, but she was the creative one._

 _He regarded her for a moment, his brows furrowing in concentration as he searched her face for any trace of a lie. When he found none, he sighed, gently placing the blaster in her hands. She smiled a toothy grin, and he could not help but respond to her enthusiasm. He honestly had no idea if she had lied to him so far; but her curiosity was as infectious as her smile, and Ben smiled back at her, following the movements of her hands with his eyes as she turned the blaster around to inspect it more closely. Suddenly, he had an idea, an idea that would make their friendship much more solidified._

" _How about we make a deal? How about we promise to never lie to each other? That way, we don't have to worry about if one of us is lying or not. Because we promised each other we wouldn't."_

 _Cara did not even have to think about it – she was excited by the idea of making her first promise with him, hoping that there would be many more to come, and somehow already trusting him not to break them._

" _Deal."_

* * *

Cara smiled a sad smile, sitting in the booth around the table in the Falcon where she and Ben had played so many games during their childhood. Finn was resting next to her, his breathing still shallow. She had manged to bandage some of the wounds Kylo had inflicted with supplies Chewie had found within the ship, but there was nothing more she could do for him now. All that was left was to wait for the medical officers on D'Qar to be able to treat him and wait to see what the verdict would be.

D'Qar. It had been years since she had been back there, and she was not sure if she was ready for the onslaught of familiar faces she had blocked from her memories so long ago. There was one face in particular she was not ready to see. Leia's. Cara could literally feel her heart burn in her chest as she thought of all that she had done to betray the woman. Leaving without saying goodbye, not trusting her enough to tell her of her suspicions of Ben's possible treachery when she had the chance. Worst of all though, Cara had failed to bring the woman's son back. Another tear escaped her eye, and even Cara was surprised by its presence. She could have sworn she had no more tears left to give.

Rey and Cara had barely said a word to each other once they had boarded the ship. Rey had joined Chewie in the cockpit so that they could pilot the ship together, and Cara had been left alone within the familiar confines of the ship to mull over everything that happened. She kept seeing his face, that long, harsh scar etched into his beautiful pale skin, and she curled her hands into a fist, angry with herself that she had done nothing to prevent it from happening to him. She did not blame Rey, not even for a second. She blamed herself for not having pushed harder to pull Ben from the depths of Kylo Ren. She had allowed herself to be seduced by her feelings for both of them – she had allowed herself the dream of being close to him once more. She had disregarded the consequences of her choices – and now they were both paying the price.

Cara was pulled out of her reverie as she finally noticed Rey standing in front of her, the young girl looking down at her with sympathy in her eyes before shifting her gaze to where Finn lay. Cara knew that she was worried, but Cara had assured her that the doctors on D'Qar were the best in the galaxy. At least that was something she could be sure of.

"Thank you." Cara said suddenly, surprising even herself. Rey was apparently surprised as well, blinking her eyes as if coming out of a daydream to once again look at Cara as she spoke.

"For what?" Rey asked, genuine confusion in her question.

"For sparing him." Cara replied. It was a relief to get this off of her chest – she needed to admit to herself that she was happy that Kylo – Ben – might still be alive, if he had been rescued by his comrades in time. She needed to know that he was somewhere out there. That she would have another chance at bringing him back, even if it was only for the sake of his mother. She was still not sure that she would ever be able to look at him the same way again.

Rey nodded in confirmation, understanding that there was no need to say anything more. Gradually, they could feel the ship descending, indicating that they had arrived at their destination. Cara sucked in a breath, trying to steel her nerves as she prepared herself for her reunion with the General.

As the hatch door opened, Cara could already smell the familiar air of the planet that she had grown up on. She could see the green of the trees that surrounded the base, the familiar tarmac that she and Ben had run around on. She could see the planet she used to call home. She hoped she would be able to call it that once more.

A woman stood there waiting for them; a woman who exuded both power and kindness, just as she had always done. Cara could feel her heart leap into her throat – what if Leia did not even recognize her anymore? It had been years since they had seen each other. Chewie ran down the ramp first, signalling for the doctor's to come and carry Finn off to the medical bay. Rey was behind her, still in awe of the planet they had landed on. Cara took tentative steps towards the woman, scared to make the first move or say the first words. Luckily, she did not have to. Leia pulled her into a hug; a familiar hug, full of warmth and kindness, and Cara could feel herself start to cry again as she remembered all the things this woman had done for her in the past. She had no words, nor the courage to say how sorry she truly was for letting down this woman's son. Cara felt undeserving of the hug, and pulled herself away, trying to understand the compassion behind the gesture.

"We'll get him back." Leia said, and Cara could feel herself release a breath. The older woman had incredible determination in her eyes, and it was reflected in the tone of her words. It was almost enough to make Cara's doubt fade away – almost.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Think of it as one of your stories, Cara. There is always a way. We can bring him home, if we really want to."

"He is not the same as you remember."

Leia laughed, and it was a sound so joyful and out of place that Cara felt as confused as she ever had before. "Oh, I know, dear Cara. I know he isn't. But Ben is still my son. I know that you've seen him inside of Kylo Ren. If you can find him, then so can I."

"Do you think you will be able to forgive him, after everything he has done?" Cara asked, wanting some sort of answer to the question that had been seared into her mind ever since she had watched him kill his own father.

"The only one that can decide if it is even possible to forgive him is Ben himself. He has to be willing to accept it. I think you already know that, Cara. That is why you made the decision to leave him."

"I'm not sure if he will." Cara whispered, knowing in her heart that was truth.

"You know, Ben once told me that the two of you made a deal to always be honest with one another. You were as honest with him today as you possibly could have been, even though it would hurt him and yourself. That was true bravery. Don't ever forget it." Leia laid a hand on Cara's cheek in an attempt to comfort her. The gesture only reminded Cara of Kylo, of all the times he had done the same thing. What she needed right now was to feel close to Ben, to the Ben she had once known. The one who had shared his toys and book with her, the one who had taught her how to fight, the Ben who had explored the base with her, the one who had shown her a beautiful lightning storm. She needed to feel close to the Ben who had crawled into bed with her when he could not sleep, who had kissed her so suddenly in a dark tunnel on her way to training. She needed to feel close to the Ben who had allowed her to sit next to him in his own private space even though they had only known each other for a few minutes.

She knew where she needed to go. She needed to go to a small storage room where relics from the past teetered dangerously on old and rusty shelves. She needed to go to the place where she and Ben had always been able to hide away together, away from their troubles and away from the world. The place where they could just be the two of them, and they could be surrounded by a past that was usually far more comfortable than the present.

* * *

A/N: I can barely believe this story is finished! When I first started writing it I honestly thought I was only going to be able to write about 16 chapters. Now, here we are, 38 chapters later! The reason I was able to expand this story is because so many people followed, favourited and reviewed on it. You guys have no idea how motivating that is. I hope you loved this story as much as I loved writing it. Thanks again for all the support!

Since there's been quite a few reactions of people that want me to continue, I've been considering doing a sequel. It will have to wait a while though, because I have to focus on my thesis for the next few months, and at this point I genuinely have no idea how I would continue. If you want to be informed if and when I do publish the beginnings of a sequel, feel free to follow my profile for a new notification. Just to warn you guys, I'm not promising anything. I don't want to write something that I can't fully appreciate myself. Again, thank you for all your lovely thoughts and the support. It just reminds me why I love writing so much :) xxx


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